My ex boyfriend Tom (third guy) was not emotional. And he told me he was taught not to show emotion, and it was just really hard for him to express his feelings.
That was really hard for me because I need to FEEL loved, and I need to feel a connection with him and I honestly donít know how people do that without sharing feelings and emotions.
And that lack of emotion translated in the bedroom. I donít always need to have wild sex, but I just need some emotion al connection from him. And to me, that can be stepping back, and really looking at the person and enjoying them.
I think what you're describing is much tougher to understand than most realize. The connection we need (you and I and maybe @JustTheWife
's husband) pretty much requires some outward, perhaps you could say extroverted, feedback. Just as some of us have partners who would get turned off by dirty talk during sex, and so even if that's your thing you still find a way to adapt and enjoy sex with that person, there are many (I suspect a great many) of "us" that would absolutely die for the type of connection during sex where our partner is openly expressing his or her thoughts, a variation of the "I'm cumming!" that someone mentioned.
The curled toes, the digging fingers into your back, that's something some of us will connect with, but not all. Consider it almost as the "Words of affirmation" in the 5 Love Languages. Maybe that's precisely it? We need verbal feedback, and the type of verbal feedback needed during sex would definitely play to the extrovert.
If, in everything else aside from sex, we see credibility to the 5 Love Languages, why do we stop at sex, the most intimate shared moment of all?