So the dependable, long-term beta guy gets the cold-fish sex, and the jersey-shore one night stand meathead gets the good stuff.
You know what's funny? That's not the way I read @Girl_power
's post at all. It seems to me that she views her own self as a bit of a sex freak (in the good way), and that she did things with BF1 and BF2 that were sexually edgy because THEY were sexually edgy. And she liked that because SHE is sexually edgy. For her, BF3 was a lovely human being and all, but he was more restricted in his sexual expression, and thus, it didn't seems as exciting to her. Hey, as I understand it...to each his/her own! She likes a sexy freak!
The thing that really struck me about this thread the most, though, is that for me...it's almost 100% the opposite. I think of myself as pretty sexually open-minded but not "freaky" really. I tend to love the person first, and then because I love them, I can "get into it" sexually. Thus for me, I think I would have felt like BF1 and BF2 were just in it for the sex and not in it for "me." I mean, when I am committed to someone, I think we could do almost anything we wanted (with the exception of pain), and I'd be game for it. But I get to the state of mind to really feel safe and expressive when there's commitment--before that, for me, it feels like too much of just "technique" rather than loving expression. Make sense?
In my lifetime, I've loved men and women. I eventually chose to pick male partners, but with every single person, I've loved them first...then gotten sexual. And with the people who turned out to be my best lovers, we start less freaky and gradually add this here...that there...and just expanded our sexual vocabulary together. It was more like exploring together, than one of us having a desire to go look at someplace that the other hadn't been. In addition, I am on the more responsive/passive side and love a person who initiates and leads, but I'm not a fish. It's just more like "let me learn what you find enjoyable, let me show you what I enjoy, and let's go these new places together and decide if we like them."
I'm not saying my partners were beta--shoot have ya MET @Emerging Buddhist
? But the guys who really heat me up are the quiet, nerdy, dependable types. They are usually smart, witty, imaginative, fun, playful, wonderful people AND steady like a foundation on which you can build trust and safety. To me, once that foundation is laid, THEN the sexcapades appear.