Hey I rewrote my post as it came across way too harsh, I think I didn't fix it fast enough. Please re-read the last post as I added stuff as well to better explain my thoughts.
One thing I would say about this is if your partner is grossed out easily then they are probably not going to want to push the envelope anyway right? Like it seems like Tom didn't want to do kinky stuff at least with you.
Did you ever try to spice things up with Tom? If not why not, sounds like you would have been more happy if you had a more intense level of sex.
In the beginning of the relationship we talked about what we are into, porn we watch, things that we would like to do that we havenít done etc. he watches ďnormalĒ porn. He said he always wanted to try anal but thatís as far as his kinks go. I like anal Iíve had it before so we did it.
The thing is, I am not kinky at least I donít consider what I like kinky. I like Intercourse, anal, and oral. I donít like whips and chains, I donít want anyone else in the bedroom with us. The only thing one could say about me is that Iím aggressive. I like personal, passionate, animalistic sex. I get that it wonít be like that all the time. But I like to please and I like to be pleased. And that involves being verbal and knowing what you like.
Itís like I like oral sex. So yes Iím going to grab his hair and hump his face because it feels great. It turns me on when my partner is turned on, so yes I want to have phone sex or video masterbate together. I like a man that knows what he likes and verbalized it. For example, look at me when you cum, say my name, turn on your back. Or whatever. Iím the same way. To me, itís not kinky itís active participation.
With Tom, it was hard to spice things up. He was always stressed out with work, and we only had sex once a week. I tried initiating and it didnít go anywhere. The only thing he liked was lingerie, and stockings but that just got him in the mood it didnít change how he was during sex.
The other thing I canít stand is when someone talks about their past partners sex life negatively. He said all this mean stuff about his ex and how she smells bad and it just upset me because I donít think that should be shared. And it makes me want to open up less with him bc god forbid something embarrassing happened or whatever I donít want him to talk about it with other people. Thatís a big no no to me.