Suggestions or tips on being a more masculine man? - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 95 (permalink) Old 01-03-2020, 08:51 PM
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Re: Suggestions or tips on being a more masculine man?

@jakeskate

What type of physical specimen are you?

I'll focus on giving you advise on this front.

What is your height, weight age?

How athletic or muscular are you.


It is amazing, how an inch or two increase in shoulder width combined with an inch or two decrease in waist size combined with thighs that are a little thicker and an ass that is a little tighter and shaped, affects female attraction and respect from fellow men.

It doesn't take too long for some decent results but it does take some commitment to exercise and diet.
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post #32 of 95 (permalink) Old 01-05-2020, 04:31 AM
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Re: Suggestions or tips on being a more masculine man?

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Originally Posted by jakeskate View Post
I'm with you all the way there. but i find myself letting her do what she wants whether i agree with it or not. i give her too much control and dont lead enough. I see that. and I know she has cheated and its her problem and fault. her consequence is knowing that i've already spoke to a divorce attorney and the D word means she has to get a job, move out and lose a ton of money without alimony due to the fact that adultery was committed. She is turning it around as we speak. i and i recognize that i have the upper hand in the relationship now. I am just trying to put in some work and routine so we dont fall into this rut again. BTW thank you.

I personally would not reconcile with her under these circumstances.

The way you present it above, the only reason she would be "turning it around" is because she doesn't want to lose her financial situation because of the adultery. So, she is not remaining married to you because she values you, because she TRULY loves you (where she would sacrifice to make your happy, as opposed to a lip-service statement of false affection) or because she respects you. She already says you are not "masculine" which typically means she doesn't even find you sexually attractive.

No, she is only staying for financial reasons. First of all, that would not be a good enough reason for me to accept her as a wife. Secondly, there is the danger that, given the above lack of affection/desire/respect, she would very likely divorce you in the future, but at at time when the adultery is no longer an issue. She would say that you are reconciled from the adultery of the past, and now she is divorcing you for "irreconcilable differences", so that she would still have financial security.

Nope. I wouldn't accept it at all.

Look did you suddenly become "unmasculine" compared to how you were when she married you? I doubt it. Spouses can grow apart, take each other for granted, introduce substance abuse, etc. which wasn't there before, but do you really believe that your basic "masculinity" changed? No way. You didn't suddenly lose the manly skills you had before--you state yourself that you never had them due to lack of male role models (child of a single mother).
That raises the question---what was the reason she married you in the first place, anyway? Was it all a security/financial/support--including emotional and childrearing decision?

Nope. I wouldn't accept this situation at all. Neither should you. And if you decide to accept it despite our advice, you should at least get some sort of "post-nuptial" agreement which would still cut her out of any financial support should the reconciliation not work out in the future.
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post #33 of 95 (permalink) Old 01-05-2020, 04:59 AM
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Re: Suggestions or tips on being a more masculine man?

Your words don’t ring true.
You say that you know it’s her fault she cheated, but you are seriously buying her “you’re not manly enough” BS.
You are doing the “pick me” dance.
She doesn’t respect you. Never has and never will.
You could become the biggest Alpha male on the block with a 10 ft manhood and she would still step out on you.
Because the problem is with her, not you.
Please divorce this lying, cheating woman before you lose anymore of yourself.
Go find yourself. Alone. Be loved for YOU.
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post #34 of 95 (permalink) Old 01-05-2020, 04:00 PM
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Re: Suggestions or tips on being a more masculine man?

In high school I was the best wrestler at my weight within 50 miles. I was in the top quarter of my engineering class in college. I was surprised by how much Marines whined during boot camp. My ex, when she really wanted to express her resentment or lack of respect for me, would sometimes pull out the "not man enough" or question why I didn't "feel like less of a man" for whatever reason.

Honestly, I doubt changing your attitudes and personality would be worth it just to get attention from a woman. Improving your physical health might get you more attention but you should do it for yourself and not for them. If you are doing it just to get attention, you will likely not be able to maintain the motivation once you're in a relationship.
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post #35 of 95 (permalink) Old 01-05-2020, 04:15 PM
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Re: Suggestions or tips on being a more masculine man?

Being manly is easy, just post on the internet a lot.

Reading will show you everyone who does is uber masculine.
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post #36 of 95 (permalink) Old 01-05-2020, 04:44 PM
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Re: Suggestions or tips on being a more masculine man?

Any woman who would call her man 'not a real man' without truly just cause, is not worth her womanhood, or much else that I can think of.
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post #37 of 95 (permalink) Old 01-05-2020, 06:13 PM
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Re: Suggestions or tips on being a more masculine man?

@Wolfman1968, just have to say .... LOVE your location. Were you walking through the streets of SoHo in the rain?
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post #38 of 95 (permalink) Old 01-05-2020, 10:51 PM
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First you must grow some balls, then start working out, then become indifferent towards her. Then you find a younger funner model and become a mad hatter. Screw around on her and then watch her reaction...its crazy what women like that will do when you screw around on them, it's almost comical.
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post #39 of 95 (permalink) Old 01-06-2020, 09:18 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Suggestions or tips on being a more masculine man?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ConanHub View Post
@jakeskate

What type of physical specimen are you?

I'll focus on giving you advise on this front.

What is your height, weight age?

How athletic or muscular are you.


It is amazing, how an inch or two increase in shoulder width combined with an inch or two decrease in waist size combined with thighs that are a little thicker and an ass that is a little tighter and shaped, affects female attraction and respect from fellow men.

It doesn't take too long for some decent results but it does take some commitment to exercise and diet.
I am a small guy. 5'7" 140lbs. i am 37y/o. I am a trained Muy tai fighter and dabbled in brazilian Ju Jitsu in my early 20's
I am very athletic and coordinated. also a musician and industrial mechanic. I can fix anything.
I am a skateboarder, surfer, snowboarder, dirtbike rider. I am cut and muscular. I used to go to the gym all the time but got busy. I mainly have core strength and agility. not a big bulky guy. more of the ninja type
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post #40 of 95 (permalink) Old 01-06-2020, 09:22 AM
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Re: Suggestions or tips on being a more masculine man?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ConanHub View Post
@jakeskate

What type of physical specimen are you?

I'll focus on giving you advise on this front.

What is your height, weight age?

How athletic or muscular are you.


It is amazing, how an inch or two increase in shoulder width combined with an inch or two decrease in waist size combined with thighs that are a little thicker and an ass that is a little tighter and shaped, affects female attraction and respect from fellow men.

It doesn't take too long for some decent results but it does take some commitment to exercise and diet.
Height would help more
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post #41 of 95 (permalink) Old 01-06-2020, 09:57 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Suggestions or tips on being a more masculine man?

I am truly impressed by all of the great advice and hard truth's y'all are pointing out to me. I had a little experiment this weekend and it was very telling and brought me some clarity along with the things everyone on here is saying. I want to thank all of you for taking the time to smack me around with some reality.

I have figured out that she has high narcissistic traits and she is a master manipulator. It all just hit me last night. This has nothing to do with me or any of my flaws (which i do have). When i am distant and indifferent she is all of a sudden very concerned and inquisitive about my motives. When i play her game and tell her i love her and give attention and affection, she is cold and distant and irritable. Almost annoyed by me or anything that i say. The second i stop (and it is literally in seconds) she's all concerned and affectionate again.

Saturday she put on some cute panties and bra and basically made it clear she wanted to have sex. we started down that road and pulled out her little vibrator toy. I asked to go down on her while I was using the toy on her and she said NO! This wasn't for my pleasure it was for hers but i honestly like giving oral to a woman. Especially my wife of 10+ years. I told her "You suck" when she told me no and immediately shut it down! then we argued about my inadequacies in the past in the bedroom. which is shocking because she talks about how i have the best penis on the planet and we fit together like a glove. Also when we have sex, she always talks about how earth shattering it is. I'm telling you this is a ****ing roller coaster.

I have spent this morning looking at articles and watching video's about narcissism and manipulation and she is text book. not every single trait but most. She always seems threatened when i seek advice about stuff, like i am going to connect the dots of what she truly is.

So back to the weekend, she is annoyed and cold and distant. Quieter than normal. Her mom brought the kids back from her house from the holidays and boom! affectionate, loving, attentive and sexual. Then its bed time. she likes to stay up and watch tv til around 2am. i go to sleep about 11pm. she is back to being cold, distant and annoyed when i touch her or talk to her. she tells me "go to sleep" or when i touch her she automatically says "we're not having sex tonight" not like that was my intent at all. Like i said, I was just conducting a little experiment. It's clear what i need to do but on the divorce front she knows it's coming and i'm finding out a after meeting with the attorney, i'm going to have to pay alimony because i cannot prove adultery. My attorney said he might be able to work around it with a confession or signed affidavit but we'll have to see. This **** is crazy and i can't believe i've been such a fool for so long
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post #42 of 95 (permalink) Old 01-06-2020, 09:58 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Suggestions or tips on being a more masculine man?

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Originally Posted by Mr. Nail View Post
Height would help more
Thanks! I have so much control over that!
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post #43 of 95 (permalink) Old 01-06-2020, 10:06 AM
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Re: Suggestions or tips on being a more masculine man?

You need to detach from her. Stop having sex. Stop sleeping in the same bed.
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post #44 of 95 (permalink) Old 01-06-2020, 10:19 AM
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It sounds like your wife could be borderline personality disorder. You get a lot of I love you, I hate you from these people. It is also common to have traits of narcissism and hysteria with this disorder. You might want to try to get you both into ic then mc if you choose to stay in the marriage. If it were me though?...the door wouldn't be able to hit my ass on the way out I'd be running so hard.
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post #45 of 95 (permalink) Old 01-06-2020, 10:55 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Suggestions or tips on being a more masculine man?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Benbutton View Post
It sounds like your wife could be borderline personality disorder. You get a lot of I love you, I hate you from these people. It is also common to have traits of narcissism and hysteria with this disorder. You might want to try to get you both into ic then mc if you choose to stay in the marriage. If it were me though?...the door wouldn't be able to hit my ass on the way out I'd be running so hard.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Girl_power View Post
You need to detach from her. Stop having sex. Stop sleeping in the same bed.
@Girl_power I can do that

@Benbutton I am not leaving my house and i can't force her to leave either. I read a story to my son every night and help my daughter with homework every afternoon. I am not sacrificing me and my kids relationship. They prefer their daddy. They say it all the time. but your other analysis seems spot on!
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