Suggestions or tips on being a more masculine man? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 95 (permalink) Old 01-03-2020, 01:12 PM Thread Starter
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Suggestions or tips on being a more masculine man?

Hey fellas, or ladies if any happen to stumble across this post, As you may know by previous posts of mine that i am having some marital troubles. This has resulted in some infidelity on my wifes end. I have been doing a lot of self reflection and I see and know what drove things to this point. Yes, i know it is not entirely my fault but i have to take accountability for my role in things that led up this point. So i'm going to keep it short and sweet for the purpose of getting some sound advice and put some your suggestion into action. My wife has told me throughout our marriage that i am not a man or i dont act like a man in certain situations where she's trying to push my buttons.

I was raised by a single mother and never really saw how a "man" is supposed to be in a marriage with kids. Not making excuses but just looking for some guidance on how to be more masculine. I see these videos and read blogs on the fact that you need to be masculine to keep the spark but they wont give examples unless you buy their program. I need some simple tools to be more masculine because i see that is one thing i know i am lacking. I have a pretty good idea just for common sense purposes but i lack practice of the correct things that would make me better. please help and thank you
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post #2 of 95 (permalink) Old 01-03-2020, 01:15 PM
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Re: Suggestions or tips on being a more masculine man?

"Hold on to Your NUTS"

"No More Mr Nice Guy"

and

"The Married Man Sex Life Primer" might help.

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
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post #3 of 95 (permalink) Old 01-03-2020, 01:44 PM
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Re: Suggestions or tips on being a more masculine man?

Quote:
Originally Posted by jakeskate View Post
Hey fellas, or ladies if any happen to stumble across this post, As you may know by previous posts of mine that i am having some marital troubles. This has resulted in some infidelity on my wifes end. I have been doing a lot of self reflection and I see and know what drove things to this point. Yes, i know it is not entirely my fault but i have to take accountability for my role in things that led up this point. So i'm going to keep it short and sweet for the purpose of getting some sound advice and put some your suggestion into action. My wife has told me throughout our marriage that i am not a man or i dont act like a man in certain situations where she's trying to push my buttons.

I was raised by a single mother and never really saw how a "man" is supposed to be in a marriage with kids. Not making excuses but just looking for some guidance on how to be more masculine. I see these videos and read blogs on the fact that you need to be masculine to keep the spark but they wont give examples unless you buy their program. I need some simple tools to be more masculine because i see that is one thing i know i am lacking. I have a pretty good idea just for common sense purposes but i lack practice of the correct things that would make me better. please help and thank you

long story short, you decide who you are going to be and you be it. thats what the books that @MJJEAN mentioned are all about. all three of them are different ways of saying the same thing: take control of YOU.

that means that you do not compromise on your integrity. it means you decide what kind of man you want to be and be it. and you dont let anyone decide WHO you will be except for you.

an example from my own life: when my wife used to accuse me of thinking she was stupid, wanting to make her look stupid, plotting against her, etc, i would not entertain the conversations. i love my wife, i always have, and i will not tell her otherwise just to confirm her beliefs to the contrary. she used to think that i thought she was stupid, so she kept trying to get me to confirm that view. it took several years, but she now accepts that i think she is far smarter than i am in a lot of ways. i mean, she was a ****ing NUKE in the NAVY for crying out loud... you dont pass that school if you are stupid.

i didnt just avoid engaging in conversations where she was lashing out at me from her own insecurities. i also sought out ways to help her become more confident. i got both of us involved in a LOT of various activities. those activities gave me lots of ways to point out just how incredibly brilliant she is, and i could be completely honest in pointing it out because it because it was completely true.

my wife used to seek praise in areas where she didnt actually deserve it... for instance, she might go out and spend 12,00 dollars on stuff we didnt need nor really even want and would want me to tell her that she did good because she saved 70 dollars with coupons. i didnt tell her she did good during those times. i was honest with her. during those times, she ****ed up. she didnt really need me to tell her that, she already knew. she just thought that messing up would be worse than it actually is. it took several years for her to understand that she can mess up around me, and that its ok. where she came from, it was never ok. it was never safe to make a mistake.

This is just who i want to be. i want to be someone that my wife can make mistakes with and grow with. i want to be someone who i can be proud of.


you want to be more masculine? its pretty simple. just decide what kind of man you want to be, and then be him. do the kinds of things that the man you envision yourself being would do. and dont give up just because you run into something that you hadn't thought of yet. if you encounter something new, take some time, reflect and think, and then make a decision.

whatever the case, it starts with you deciding who you want to be.

"I am the wiser in respect to all knowledges, and the better qualified for all fortunes, for knowing that there is a minnow in the brook." -Henry David Thoreau
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post #4 of 95 (permalink) Old 01-03-2020, 02:05 PM
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Re: Suggestions or tips on being a more masculine man?

https://www.artofmanliness.com

ETA: The website is broad as is being a man.
Hope it helps.


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post #5 of 95 (permalink) Old 01-03-2020, 02:07 PM
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Re: Suggestions or tips on being a more masculine man?

How sad and cruel of your wife to tell you that you are not a man and don't act like a man.That alone is a sure fire way of making you feel 'less than. If a woman wants her husband to be more 'manly', she needs to treat him with respect and talk to him in a way that builds him up, not tears him down.
I feel so sad that so many men come here whose wives have cheated and who have believed the lies she has told them about it being their fault. Rubbish .Its she who cheated not you.
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post #6 of 95 (permalink) Old 01-03-2020, 02:13 PM
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Re: Suggestions or tips on being a more masculine man?

"As you may know by previous posts of mine that i am having some marital troubles. This has resulted in some infidelity on my wifes end. I have been doing a lot of self reflection and I see and know what drove things to this point. Yes, i know it is not entirely my fault but i have to take accountability for my role in things that led up this point."

THIS is flat out bull****. YOU DID NOT CAUSE HER TO CHEAT. If you had so many troubles that you caused, she should have LEFT YOU. It is 100% HER FAULT that she cheated.
From this" My wife has told me throughout our marriage that i am not a man or i dont act like a man in certain situations where she's trying to push my buttons.
"
SHE IS NOT REMORSEFUL about cheating. What consequences did she face when you caught her? What did SHE do to help you through the cheating? Did you just rug sweep (I haven't read your other thread yet, so I don't know if you describe it there).
I also second the art of manliness web site. A lot of younger guys never really had masculine role models growing up and just plain don't know how to do what are considered "manly" things.
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post #7 of 95 (permalink) Old 01-03-2020, 02:14 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Suggestions or tips on being a more masculine man?

ok thats a great start and thank you. So let me get this straight, and if i'm on the ball here i can definitely expand and tap into this. My wife likes to buy antiques and old decor/ diy/ re purposed stuff. I have told her before, "where are you going to put that?" or "we dont have a need for that." because 90% of the time we dont have a place for it or a need for it. now granted there are some things that she gets that we do use and have a place for but my house feels like a storage unit because i feel like i cave too much to her impulse buys. Is that a good example? Just trying to understand by comparing your life experiences to mine... there is more i'm sure but that is the first thing that comes to mind to maybe start things off. Also the Sex thing. I know she is a sexual person but she questions that with me. I know the reason is because i'll be irritated with her or something she said and not want to make any moves. this will go on for weeks. I just watched a video where the guy suggests treating your wife like she is your own personal ****. no offense to anyone but meaning as the man we need to make sure she knows on a regular basis that you desire her as her husband. does it sound like i'm on the right track here?
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post #8 of 95 (permalink) Old 01-03-2020, 02:14 PM
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Re: Suggestions or tips on being a more masculine man?

Please take heed to these words;

you didn't cause your W to be unfaithful. That's all on her.

Yes we all need improvements in certain areas of our lives (any person, any gender, any particular area).

At any given time.
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post #9 of 95 (permalink) Old 01-03-2020, 02:15 PM
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Re: Suggestions or tips on being a more masculine man?

Here is the first step: chuck that cheating, insulting, mean-ass wife of yours out the door. If she wanted to be married to Mr. Tough Guy, she should have married Mr. Tough guy.

Don't change yourself for anyone. The only person you should be trying to impress is yourself.
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post #10 of 95 (permalink) Old 01-03-2020, 02:16 PM
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Re: Suggestions or tips on being a more masculine man?

https://therationalmale.com/


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at 1:30 secs
"Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping."
"Pursue what is meaningful, not what is expedient."
"Nothing is as simultaneously, fear inspiring and arousing for women as a Man she suspects is self-aware of his own value."
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post #11 of 95 (permalink) Old 01-03-2020, 02:21 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Suggestions or tips on being a more masculine man?

Quote:
Originally Posted by jlg07 View Post
"As you may know by previous posts of mine that i am having some marital troubles. This has resulted in some infidelity on my wifes end. I have been doing a lot of self reflection and I see and know what drove things to this point. Yes, i know it is not entirely my fault but i have to take accountability for my role in things that led up this point."

THIS is flat out bull****. YOU DID NOT CAUSE HER TO CHEAT. If you had so many troubles that you caused, she should have LEFT YOU. It is 100% HER FAULT that she cheated.
From this" My wife has told me throughout our marriage that i am not a man or i dont act like a man in certain situations where she's trying to push my buttons.
"
SHE IS NOT REMORSEFUL about cheating. What consequences did she face when you caught her? What did SHE do to help you through the cheating? Did you just rug sweep (I haven't read your other thread yet, so I don't know if you describe it there).
I also second the art of manliness web site. A lot of younger guys never really had masculine role models growing up and just plain don't know how to do what are considered "manly" things.
I'm with you all the way there. but i find myself letting her do what she wants whether i agree with it or not. i give her too much control and dont lead enough. I see that. and I know she has cheated and its her problem and fault. her consequence is knowing that i've already spoke to a divorce attorney and the D word means she has to get a job, move out and lose a ton of money without alimony due to the fact that adultery was committed. She is turning it around as we speak. i and i recognize that i have the upper hand in the relationship now. I am just trying to put in some work and routine so we dont fall into this rut again. BTW thank you.
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post #12 of 95 (permalink) Old 01-03-2020, 02:29 PM
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Re: Suggestions or tips on being a more masculine man?

Quote:
Originally Posted by jakeskate View Post
Hey fellas, or ladies if any happen to stumble across this post, As you may know by previous posts of mine that i am having some marital troubles. This has resulted in some infidelity on my wifes end. I have been doing a lot of self reflection and I see and know what drove things to this point. Yes, i know it is not entirely my fault but i have to take accountability for my role in things that led up this point. So i'm going to keep it short and sweet for the purpose of getting some sound advice and put some your suggestion into action. My wife has told me throughout our marriage that i am not a man or i dont act like a man in certain situations where she's trying to push my buttons.

I was raised by a single mother and never really saw how a "man" is supposed to be in a marriage with kids. Not making excuses but just looking for some guidance on how to be more masculine. I see these videos and read blogs on the fact that you need to be masculine to keep the spark but they wont give examples unless you buy their program. I need some simple tools to be more masculine because i see that is one thing i know i am lacking. I have a pretty good idea just for common sense purposes but i lack practice of the correct things that would make me better. please help and thank you
You were here four years ago telling us about how your wife was cheating with another man. She was lying to you that the affair was over but because you were able to see her phone records you knew she was continuing with the affair.
She also traveled out of state on numerous occasions to meet her boyfriend and you knew this.
She didnít work and had her affair on your dime.
You were confidently telling everyone that you were divorcing her.
You didnít.
Now sheís cheating again and to your amazement your wife thinks that you donít act like a man.
Donít you get it?
She walks over you and pisses on your lines in the sand. She has absolutely no reason to respect you and you havenít given her any.
Masculine? Donít make me laugh.

When someone says itís not the money itís the principle,itís always the money.
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post #13 of 95 (permalink) Old 01-03-2020, 02:34 PM
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Re: Suggestions or tips on being a more masculine man?

Once again, you are doing her bidding. She is calling the shots. You're trying to see how to mold yourself to fit what she wants to see. This is also a great way for her to set the stage to cheat again. She can say that you didn't become masculine enough and that's why she had to cheat.

One great way to show her that you're a man is to say you're done dealing with her crap and divorce her. Be strong throughout the whole process. Don't cry or back down. That's what a confident man would do.
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post #14 of 95 (permalink) Old 01-03-2020, 02:36 PM
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Re: Suggestions or tips on being a more masculine man?

Women only have sex with a man they respect.
Become that man.
If a woman does not respect you......you're next guy they put on ice, and lay down with the exciting man.


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at 1:30 secs
"Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping."
"Pursue what is meaningful, not what is expedient."
"Nothing is as simultaneously, fear inspiring and arousing for women as a Man she suspects is self-aware of his own value."
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post #15 of 95 (permalink) Old 01-03-2020, 02:37 PM
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Re: Suggestions or tips on being a more masculine man?

Quote:
Originally Posted by bandit.45 View Post
Here is the first step: chuck that cheating, insulting, mean-ass wife of yours out the door. If she wanted to be married to Mr. Tough Guy, she should have married Mr. Tough guy.

Don't change yourself for anyone. The only person you should be trying to impress is yourself.
This is what I was going to post, but not in as good a form. Listen to @bandit.45.

You cannot change who you are. You can change what you will live with. Read about boundaries, how to make them and how to stand up for them. These are like lines in the sand you won't cross. They aren't what you can do to save your marriage or become more attractive to a woman like your wife.

She didn't know who she was or what she needed for a husband. She's hurt you because her true self has come out. She can no longer be your wife. Her heart was never in it. She was faking who she really is. It caught up with her.

If you don't know what your role is in a marriage, you discuss that with a loving wife and she will help you figure out what she expects of you. Some women don't want you changing their oil or cleaning their car. Some want to cut the grass themselves. It is not the same world any more. Everyone is different.

One thing that will help you is to learn how to take care of yourself and be alone for a while. I don't mean completely alone. I mean live alone and learn how to do all the things life requires you do to live a decent life. Figure out what you like and do those things. Try a few hobbies and see which you like.

Meet people and go do different things. Get some friends to do stuff with. Doesn't matter what, as long as you are having a good time. Date casually, not looking for sex or a relationship, but only for finding out the personality of the woman. The rest will come, if it is meant to be. Don't let yourself be forced into doing anything. Again, do what makes you happy, whatever that is.

Whatever you like is fine. You don't have to be anyone, but your self. Don't do what you don't want to do, but don't be rude and nasty. Just be who you are with boundaries. There are women who like that more than they like a tough guy. You got duped this time.

Cut her loose and find what makes you happy. Because you are loving a person who cannot love you back, you are making yourself feel like you are worthless. You aren't. You are just in a marriage with the wrong woman.

Nothing wrong with those books. They are all good. Just keep in mind you can only be who you are. You cannot be someone else. Don't bother trying. Learn what you can to be comfortable in your own skin. That's being a man.

"I'm significant!! Screamed the dust speck." - Bill Watterson
"Youth is wasted on the young". - George Bernard Shaw

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Last edited by 2ntnuf; 01-03-2020 at 02:41 PM.
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