Hey fellas, or ladies if any happen to stumble across this post, As you may know by previous posts of mine that i am having some marital troubles. This has resulted in some infidelity on my wifes end. I have been doing a lot of self reflection and I see and know what drove things to this point. Yes, i know it is not entirely my fault but i have to take accountability for my role in things that led up this point. So i'm going to keep it short and sweet for the purpose of getting some sound advice and put some your suggestion into action. My wife has told me throughout our marriage that i am not a man or i dont act like a man in certain situations where she's trying to push my buttons.
I was raised by a single mother and never really saw how a "man" is supposed to be in a marriage with kids. Not making excuses but just looking for some guidance on how to be more masculine. I see these videos and read blogs on the fact that you need to be masculine to keep the spark but they wont give examples unless you buy their program. I need some simple tools to be more masculine because i see that is one thing i know i am lacking. I have a pretty good idea just for common sense purposes but i lack practice of the correct things that would make me better. please help and thank you
long story short, you decide who you are going to be and you be it. thats what the books that @MJJEAN
mentioned are all about. all three of them are different ways of saying the same thing: take control of YOU.
that means that you do not compromise on your integrity. it means you decide what kind of man you want to be and be it. and you dont let anyone decide WHO you will be except for you.
an example from my own life: when my wife used to accuse me of thinking she was stupid, wanting to make her look stupid, plotting against her, etc, i would not entertain the conversations. i love my wife, i always have, and i will not tell her otherwise just to confirm her beliefs to the contrary. she used to think that i thought she was stupid, so she kept trying to get me to confirm that view. it took several years, but she now accepts that i think she is far smarter than i am in a lot of ways. i mean, she was a ****ing NUKE in the NAVY for crying out loud... you dont pass that school if you are stupid.
i didnt just avoid engaging in conversations where she was lashing out at me from her own insecurities. i also sought out ways to help her become more confident. i got both of us involved in a LOT of various activities. those activities gave me lots of ways to point out just how incredibly brilliant she is, and i could be completely honest in pointing it out because it because it was completely true.
my wife used to seek praise in areas where she didnt actually deserve it... for instance, she might go out and spend 12,00 dollars on stuff we didnt need nor really even want and would want me to tell her that she did good because she saved 70 dollars with coupons. i didnt tell her she did good during those times. i was honest with her. during those times, she ****ed up. she didnt really need me to tell her that, she already knew. she just thought that messing up would be worse than it actually is. it took several years for her to understand that she can mess up around me, and that its ok. where she came from, it was never ok. it was never safe to make a mistake.
This is just who i want to be. i want to be someone that my wife can make mistakes with and grow with. i want to be someone who i can be proud of.
you want to be more masculine? its pretty simple. just decide what kind of man you want to be, and then be him. do the kinds of things that the man you envision yourself being would do. and dont give up just because you run into something that you hadn't thought of yet. if you encounter something new, take some time, reflect and think, and then make a decision.
whatever the case, it starts with you deciding who you want to be.