Reasons for Porn Use - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-10-2020, 09:03 AM Thread Starter
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In order not to thread Jack a different thread, I am starting this thread regarding porn use.
@UpsideDownWorld11 stated:

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Usually men only resort to porn as a last resort, unless they have an addiction of some sort. It's not that men want the porn star, but they are by the nature of their profession what is readily available.
I have heard different reasons for Porn use by men, including the two mentioned above, but they are not the primary ones. Per everything I have studied and read, usually men resort to porn out if habit/boredom and for entertainment purposes. It's why even people in good marriages/relationships still watch.

What say you TAM?
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post #2 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-10-2020, 09:16 AM
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Re: Reasons for Porn Use

I disagree.
frequently.
I lived in a rough area as a child and my first exposure to porn was finding some other kid's stash. As nudity was strictly banned in my household, the concept of all of that exposed skin was quite shocking. Until the internet, porn was hard to aquire, especially in the much nicer areas I lived in as an adult. I really didn't "need" porn at that time but it was everywhere you clicked. There was variety. There was the illusion that there were women out there who had sexual energy to spare. An interest. A drive. Again shocking in comparison to home life. A real turn on the head when the gatekeeper becomes the panderer.

So, not so much filler for a lacking life as a safe space to be accepted.

OM I'm totally screwed up aren't I?
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post #3 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-10-2020, 09:19 AM
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Cool Re: Reasons for Porn Use

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Originally Posted by Lila View Post
In order not to thread Jack a different thread, I am starting this thread regarding porn use.
@UpsideDownWorld11 stated:



I have heard different reasons for Porn use by men, including the two mentioned above, but they are not the primary ones. Per everything I have studied and read, usually men resort to porn out if habit/boredom and for entertainment purposes. It's why even people in good marriages/relationships still watch.

What say you TAM?
I would ascertain that porn usage is primarily exercised whenever a marital partner has duly lost, for whatever reason, their sexual outlet either through their spouse or significant other!

In no small measure, they're praying that it compensates for their sudden or long term lack of biological release!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

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post #4 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-10-2020, 09:27 AM
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Re: Reasons for Porn Use

@arbitrator has the reason guys I have spoken to about it say. They don't have a marital partner who is interested in sex, and porn is the "lesser evil", as compared to adultery. They would never actually "cheat", but mentally justify the porn.

Porn is carefully crafted to support a fantasy in which the woman WANTS the man sexually. This is the only place in their lives where this exists, for many of them
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post #5 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-10-2020, 09:37 AM
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Re: Reasons for Porn Use

Hmm...i know this comes up time to time but i think people unfamiliar tend to overthink this...

Masturbation is natural. Can only speak for myself but as a guy i'm highly visual. Human bodies are stunning and made to be admired. Sometimes but not always and never necessary, adding visual to the mental can really add to the experience. That's really all there is to it.

Of course anything can be abused...as a replacement or substitute or addiction. I'm guess those with strong feelings either have direct experience with someone who abused...or have heard stories and assume it's the norm. I don't think it is the norm.
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post #6 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-10-2020, 09:37 AM
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Re: Reasons for Porn Use

For me, it's not a last resort. I have a willing spouse who, under normal circumstances, would gladly do it every day. I turn her down more often than not but still have solo time. It's easier, more relaxing, and there is no disappointment or pressure.

Sometimes I am just bored and it's available.
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post #7 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-10-2020, 09:47 AM
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Re: Reasons for Porn Use

As I mentioned in the other thread, men and women view porn differently. A male can become sexually aroused by many things, including porn. A man does not have to be emotionally connected to a female to get aroused. If he did, there would not be such things as one night stands.

I have no clue what drives people who are "addicted" to porn. That's a diagnosis a professional would have to make. People go to movies for entertainment. Some men watch porn for entertainment. Some women watch porn for entertainment. Some men masturbate to porn. Some women masturbate to porn.

Some people watch porn for educational reasons - to learn new positions, possibly. Other people watch it to see what may be considered amazing feats with the human anatomy. Some people may watch to see what the anatomically blessed people do with their blessings. The reasons are as varied as people.

While it's hard for a male to understand why a woman is threatened by the male's use of porn, if they have a committed relationship, the male has an absolute duty to honor her wishes and stop viewing it. The female is under no obligation to make the male understand her feelings. She's entitled to them. If the male tells her to "Just get over it", he does not and does not want to understand her feelings, and the relationship is probably in serious trouble.

In general, from discussions I've had, men do not understand why porn is a threat to a female companion. From other discussions I've had, women to not understand why men need to get their jollies from porn, suggesting that they are not meeting their companion's sexual needs. Each side is entitled to their feelings. If one side finds that their companion's popping chewing gum is upsetting (see misophonia), the other companion should stop chewing gum in front of him or her. If one sides finds their companion's porn use is upsetting, the other companion should stop using porn. That's what relationships are made of.
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post #8 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-10-2020, 10:16 AM
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So if porn use is a haven for the poor starved husband with no other outlet....how does that square with the 14 year old who is addicted? Or the college guy who just shared a pic of his ex girlfriend with the entire fraternity?

I don't doubt that many men have found solace in porn due to selfish, frigid, refusing wives. But let's be honest. Porn is much bigger than a dead bedroom stopgap.
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post #9 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-10-2020, 10:34 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Nail View Post
I disagree.
frequently.
I lived in a rough area as a child and my first exposure to porn was finding some other kid's stash. As nudity was strictly banned in my household, the concept of all of that exposed skin was quite shocking. Until the internet, porn was hard to aquire, especially in the much nicer areas I lived in as an adult. I really didn't "need" porn at that time but it was everywhere you clicked. There was variety. There was the illusion that there were women out there who had sexual energy to spare. An interest. A drive. Again shocking in comparison to home life. A real turn on the head when the gatekeeper becomes the panderer.

So, not so much filler for a lacking life as a safe space to be accepted.

OM I'm totally screwed up aren't I?
Just to make sure I understand you correctly... You do think porn use with men is predominantly to meet a need they may be missing within their relationship? Fantasy fulfilment?
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post #10 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-10-2020, 10:44 AM
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Re: Reasons for Porn Use

For me, my stbx was available for duty sex. It was unfulfilling for me and I was always disappointed that she was never into it or enjoyed it. I felt that it was forced. So I turned to porn after she went to bed. I wasn’t disappointed or sad after porn. I was with my stbx.
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post #11 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-10-2020, 10:47 AM
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Re: Reasons for Porn Use

I think people watch it for the obvious reason, they enjoy it. I also think the over whelming majority of us can do so without becoming addicted. With that said I do think our appetite for it evolves. When you're a teenager and in your early 20s it really doesn't matter if you're in a sexual relationship. Chances are you are watching it anyway, because you are pretty much always horny. As I have grown older, my appetite for it has significantly declined. To me its like stopping by McDonalds for a cheeseburger an hour before going to steak house. You still can eat at the steak house, but you won't enjoy it as much. These days I only view it if I won't see my partner for days, and I am rethinking even that.

There are times that I have watched it with a partner, but if anyone has ever tried that its almost pointless. Basically you get so aroused in the first five to ten minutes of watching it that neither of you is paying any attention to the movie anymore anyway, even when its the old school classic ones with "so so" stories and acting. It serves as background noise. I don't think most of us prefer watching it when you have someone sitting there right next to you that you could be having fun with instead.
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post #12 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-10-2020, 11:04 AM
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@Lila if you want you can move my posts from that thread over here too. I didn’t see you had made this one before I posted more on that one.

I’ll answer the question for myself. When I watch porn it’s because it makes me tingly down there and masturbating feels better when watching than when not watching.

Being bi sexual I was very keen to find any girlie mags I could get my hands on since adolescence. Back then I didn’t see men in mags. Later when I found that there is porn and pics of both men and women I was happy to expand my viewing.

Nowadays if I watch porn it’s because I want to see an eggplant. They are so beautiful and unusual to see in person. I still love seeing beautiful breasts as well. Looking at or watching either gets my motor running and feels great.
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post #13 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-10-2020, 11:18 AM Thread Starter
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@Faithful Wife, I'm going to leave your comments on that thread since you were interacting with the OP.

Its interesting reading all of the responses to "why".
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post #14 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-10-2020, 11:20 AM
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Re: Reasons for Porn Use

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For me, it's not a last resort. I have a willing spouse who, under normal circumstances, would gladly do it every day. I turn her down more often than not but still have solo time. It's easier, more relaxing, and there is no disappointment or pressure.

Sometimes I am just bored and it's available.
I had an ex-girlfriend whose former husband was this way. Not that this is your situation at all. It was your use of the word "easier" that caught my attention. According to her when she was married her husband simply decided that watching porn was easier than having sex, and he told her that himself. She ended up divorcing him because over time his actions and even words let her know that he was ok meeting his needs with porn, and didn't care enough about her needs. The crazy thing is the guy was really missing out, because she was extremely attractive and highly sexual too. I can't imagine she wasn't down to do most of the things he was watching in his movies. In fact looking back on it, I wonder if her bedroom behavior was her, or did she simply think thats what she needed to do to keep a man interested in sex because of her experience with him. The woman even had a separate collection of heels and boots she never even would wear outside the bedroom. But I digress, I guess some people do decide that watching porn is easier than having actual sex, but I can't imagine that it feels better, and what about their spouses (are they okay with this). Admittedly I don't know your story, and this thread isn't about your life. I am simply pointing out that there are others that feel the same way that you do.
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post #15 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-10-2020, 11:20 AM
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Here’s an article I also posted on that thread from Psychology Today, which basically shames women for having any issue with their mans porn use.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psy...pair-why%3famp
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