How do you go on with such regret? I donít want to. I want her back. When you know you will regret losing someone for the rest of your days, how do you ever recover? Maybe I donít want to. As though someone else wonít come with their own stuff and history. How is it even possible to just get over something and someone when maybe you didnít fight hard to preserve it, and try to find another? Am I kidding myself here?
You're going to not believe me, but I'll tell you how.
You are living in the past. You are no longer in the past, but you are holding onto it. Know how you recover? Look around you today. In the present...now. You see an empty space where she once was. You see something/someone "you want" who is no longer there. You see the past good times and want that person and those good times NOW.
But I know what I'm talking about. Just about 2 years ago, I lost my Dear Hubby to heart failure, and one day he WAS...the next day he was gone. Of course, there were days when I held onto the past. There were days that I'd look around and see his chair-empty...his side of the bed-empty...all the things we used to do together...and I'd be alone. My head and my heart were in the past.
Funny thing was...I wasn't. I was living in the present with my mind and heart in the past, longing for a past that was, well PAST. And passed. And I recovered the same way that I'm telling you. I looked around, in the present...now...and I saw that there was still a sunset. I saw flowers still blooming and smelling fragrant. I hear children laughing and cat's meowing. I still tasted good food and enjoyed it. I still got hugs from my own children and my friends. All those things, were in the PRESENT and I realized that joy still existed even though Dear Hubby did not.
Here's the thing, @BornFree
, every single day has both sorrow and joy. Every single day could be your last or my last. You could lose someone or something you love, and in 24 hours your world completely changes. But that is the way of life. It changes. Some changes are like a ripple in a pond...some are more seismic. But every day has both ecstatic joys...and plunging to the depths of your soul sorrows. The way you recover is to just accept that's the way life is, and stop hugging the sorrows. Even if you don't hug them, just notice the joys too.
Today, my new Beloved Hubby is sitting beside me. We just kissed and it was sweeter than any wine. We are sitting in front of a fireplace. We had an amazing meal because he is a gourmet level chef. And those are the joys. They are GOOD JOYS. He also has a pain from hurting himself, and it hurts pretty bad. We found out an aunt passed away today. I missed a phone call from a friend. Those are the sorrows. They are sad sorrows. But I'm not hugging them. I acknowledge them...and also acknowledge the joys.
That's how you recover.