I want your opinion. Your unfiltered no holds barred opinion.
Can you actually love someone and still choose to do things that hurt them repeatedly? Or is it a clear cut sign that the love isn't real? Or is it possible but you are just too selfish to make better choices? Or is there a purposeful disconnect you do to make both acceptable until found out?
Basically, if you know an action will deeply hurt your partner, could you still choose to do it even though you love them?
That would be a lack of love for either of you... if one cannot have a healthy love and respect for self it will be a struggle to show that for another.
The exception is addition where someone is unable to control their own actions. In that case the response remains the same since you can't fix an addict. Don't stay with someone who hurts you.
Yes. You can love someone, but your own flaws (of whatever kind) can result in hurtful behavior. It's then on the injured party to find a solution or leave, if their partner cannot change; staying condones the behavior.
I am not going to go back and read your history to figure out why you ask this. It's a leading question without enough background information to make a solid judgement on. As such I should refuse to answer it.
But just for the sake of illumination,, . . . . .
No That way lies making light of your situation.
Here is the answer,
Not the answer to your question, but nonetheless the answer that you most likely need.
Sometimes Love isn't enough.
It's a long and overused story I assure you. But yes, I have found myself saying the very same lately. Because love is only one part of a rather large puzzle.
I want your opinion. Your unfiltered no holds barred opinion.
Can you actually love someone and still choose to do things that hurt them repeatedly? Or is it a clear cut sign that the love isn't real? Or is it possible but you are just too selfish to make better choices? Or is there a purposeful disconnect you do to make both acceptable until found out?
Basically, if you know an action will deeply hurt your partner, could you still choose to do it even though you love them?
Addicts don't have relationships; they take hostages.
Addiction, in and of itself, is a self-serving, selfish thing. So, no, addicts don't love in an emotionally-healthy, mature fashion. Not to say they don't try, but it doesn't end well. Sorry.
I would like to say a resounding “no” to that, but given my experiences with significant others and my family, I would say that yes, a person can love another and choose to hurt them repeatedly. Or maybe when they say “I love you”, it’s just words with no feeling to back that up. I’m not sure.
In your situation, OP, I would agree with @Blondilocks in that your husband’s love is his addiction.
I am not sure if it's true or not but in my personal case if a person repeatedly hurts me I will hurt him back. I am not going to let them threat me like **** even though I can love them to the moon and back. And no I feel like if you really love someone yu don't want to hurt them. Because their pain will hurt you.
I'd say definitely. I love my wife with all of my heart, but it seems I cause her a lot of hurt. Its not that I want her to feel bad normally, but when I have those feelings, I do. If your spouse has a strong urge to masturbate to porn (not sure, just basing this on what those above said), I'd say that has nothing to do with how he feels toward you all of the time he's not doing as such.
A person in that situation may feel they love the person they hurt. But the truth is that they don't love that person very much - not even close.
Let's look at a common example - a person not meeting his or partner's sexual need. If I repeatedly deny my partner intimacy when I know it hurts her, I am making a value judgment that hurting her repeatedly is better than taking on some of that discomfort myself. And if I do that, the best I can say is "sorry but she's not worth the effort to treat her better".
Yes. Love is an emotion and does not always adhere to logic. Loving someone doesn't mean that you know how to properly express that love such that they receive that feeling from you. It also doesn't mean that you don't place other things above that love. Sure there is the romanticized idea of what love is supposed to be, but that's simply not reality. It does work for some and others it does not.
Yes. I loved someone deeply recently (still do) except she just didn't ever know how much. I never told her and I think that the friendship that we had is a done deal. Not trying to steal your thread, but there's just been a lot of fighting lately over sometimes and serious silly things probably because we didn't speak our minds entirely and feelings developed on both sides. I only learned last week that the feeling was mutual. But it imploded. But I also think that hurting a friend, potential partner or partner just comes with the territory. People are going to get hurt. You can hurt them and still very much love them.
Again, I'll say one hundred percent. In-fact, I'll go even further and say those who have never been so upset that they've done something hurtful toward their partner, they do not really have any love for them at all. I think this whole culture of medicated PC robot love is absurd. Love is passion and emotion. It's impossible for this to always be positive. If there is no negativity in a relationship, it's because neither side really cares at all.
There are also other ways to both love someone and hurt them. Not necessarily intentionally, often times its the little things, small choices or inaction that hurt the other person. These situations are often made worse when the spouse/partner knows that their actions/inactions cause the hurt and yet still choose to ignore it and not change their behavior.
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