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post #106 of 124 (permalink) Old 07-09-2019, 09:54 AM
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Re: More Questions Than Answers...

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Well folks, I’m out of the house. I went and grabbed some bags full of clothes, necessary items and left. She had a girlfriend over so I didn’t have to talk to her, which was good. After I left, I sent her a text message asking her to transfer half of the balances of our shared bank accounts to my account and she told me she will not being doing that. I’m not sure how that works...maybe somebody can fill me in on what I should do there. Otherwise, I’m out. I’m somewhere safe where I can lay my head for a bit.
GOOD JOB! Is your name on those shared accounts? You should be able to do the transfer or a withdrawal yourself. If not, I'd talk to an attorney ASAP. I'm sure they're marital property but if she grabs all the money, getting your half back won't be easy.

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post #107 of 124 (permalink) Old 07-09-2019, 09:58 AM
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Re: More Questions Than Answers...

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She’s locked me out of the accounts. I have no access to any shared money as of right now. She says she is going to use the money to pay all necessary bills because she thinks I wouldn’t. I would, but she’s giving me zero choice in the matter. I’ve switched my direct deposit to have my checks deposited into my own account as of now.

She’s locked me out of almost 10k worth of funds.
HOW has she locked you out -- if all she did was change a password, but your name is on the accounts too, contact the bank and have them reset the password. If they were her accounts to begin with and she added your name she can take it off, but if you opened joint accounts you can get the bank to let you back in, but like was said above - GET LEGAL ADVICE ASAP.

I'm really happy and excited for you for your future, despite this current nonsense -- and there will be a LOT of nonsense coming up but some day it will all be behind you. Even if it costs you $10K.
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post #108 of 124 (permalink) Old 07-09-2019, 09:59 AM
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Re: More Questions Than Answers...

HIT,

If it only cost you 10K to get rid of this emotional waking nightmare what a bargain.

You will gain an extra 5 to 10 years of lifespan to spend with your kids and that is priceless.

I'm watching someone now shortening their life married to a horrible stress bomb woman.
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post #109 of 124 (permalink) Old 07-09-2019, 10:10 AM
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Re: More Questions Than Answers...

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If you're on the account.... just go to the bank and get a cashier's check for half the balance.

Then take that check and deposit into your own account (one where only your name is on account).

Of if your personal account is at the same bank.... just have them move 50% of the money of your joint account into your personal account.

I would do this asap. You don't need your wifes permission if it's a joint account.
Don't open your new account at the same bank, sometimes they link it to the other accounts and she can get access.


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post #110 of 124 (permalink) Old 07-09-2019, 10:26 AM
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Re: More Questions Than Answers...

Stop interacting with her. At all.

She could not have had you physically removed from the accounts ... so go to the bank ... now.

I say this with all due respect, and understand we can certainly help and provide support ... but unless you seriously get your sh!t together about how YOU want this to move forward, you are about to get steamrolled. She believes shes smarter, more cunning, and vindictive, than you are. Be prepared to prove her wrong.

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post #111 of 124 (permalink) Old 07-09-2019, 11:16 AM Thread Starter
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The account is sadly an account she opened in her name and gave me shared access to. The bank we bank at does not do joint accounts, they just have members and you can share access to an account with another person. She is the “member” on the accounts in question and she removed my access.
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post #112 of 124 (permalink) Old 07-09-2019, 11:22 AM
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Re: More Questions Than Answers...

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The account is sadly an account she opened in her name and gave me shared access to. The bank we bank at does not do joint accounts, they just have members and you can share access to an account with another person. She is the “member” on the accounts in question and she removed my access.
Then you need to get to a lawyer TODAY and get this the first thing they work on.
1/2 of that is YOUR money, and she is just being vindictive.
Secure any other financial items/documents etc. you will need so that she can't pull the same crap with that stuff.

Make sure your other stuff (healthcare, life insurance, etc.) also get updated appropriately.
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post #113 of 124 (permalink) Old 07-09-2019, 11:28 AM
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Re: More Questions Than Answers...

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The account is sadly an account she opened in her name and gave me shared access to. The bank we bank at does not do joint accounts, they just have members and you can share access to an account with another person. She is the “member” on the accounts in question and she removed my access.
Given that you all but assured she would lock you out ... by 'requesting' that she transfer half of the money to ... where? Politely cut you a bank check? What exactly did you expect her to do?

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post #114 of 124 (permalink) Old 07-09-2019, 12:28 PM
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Re: More Questions Than Answers...

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That might be a part of the problem, but I don't want to lay anything completely on that.

A huge problem is that the more often we started fighting, the more severe we started fighting, I started finding myself more angry than I've ever been. Saying things I wouldn't say to my worst enemy in the face of receiving the same treatment. Basically in a way, I found me lowering myself to a level that I've never been and I feel extremely guilty that I let myself get to that point.

It's gotten to the point where police have been called because I had felt we had lost control of the situation. I try to leave to cool off, and she has blocked the car in and caused damage to the vehicle to keep me from leaving. Things have been thrown, damage to the house has been caused, by both of us. She continues to shame me for feeling like the police needed to be called but I stand by the decision to do so. I've never dealt with anything like this in my life.
That strikes me as a situation you need to get you and your children away from as soon as possible. If I were your ex and heard about that level of conflict I'd be going for full custody with no visitation to your house in a millisecond.

You are setting a dreadful example for your children. They do look up to you and they do look to you for how to behave and treat people whether they'll admit it or not.
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post #115 of 124 (permalink) Old 07-09-2019, 03:28 PM
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Re: More Questions Than Answers...

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The account is sadly an account she opened in her name and gave me shared access to. The bank we bank at does not do joint accounts, they just have members and you can share access to an account with another person. She is the “member” on the accounts in question and she removed my access.
What @jlg07 said. Get to an attorney right away. I believe the courts can put a restraining order on her spending that money. If she breaks it, I don't know what happens, but an attorney can let you know exactly what your rights and odds are. In hindsight, you probably should have gotten your $5K before telling her you were moving out, but I still applaud your determination to take action once you made the decision. If it costs you $5K to get out of this toxic relationship, so be it.

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post #116 of 124 (permalink) Old 07-09-2019, 03:32 PM
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Re: More Questions Than Answers...

HIT,

You wrote, The account is sadly an account she opened in her name and gave me shared access to.

So everything is to her advantage and control, can you image how destroyed you would be if you allowed this to continue?

Does she refer to the house you bought together as "her house"?
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post #117 of 124 (permalink) Old 07-12-2019, 10:21 AM
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Re: More Questions Than Answers...

@hubbyintrubby how are things going?!
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post #118 of 124 (permalink) Old 07-12-2019, 01:43 PM Thread Starter
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Re: More Questions Than Answers...

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@hubbyintrubby how are things going?!
It's kind of tough to talk about. I'm still out of the house. I've stopped by home a couple of times to have some talks that don't really go anywhere. She wants to change, she wants us to grow together and she wants me to come home. I had a couple of really awesome days with my 2 kids, mostly because we did some fun things and I was off work. Wife wanted to know if I wanted to come back home for the couple of days I had the kids and she'd find another place to be and I said no. I had a tough talk with my daughter and she told me straight up that she does not like my wife because she talks to people rudely and because she thinks that my wife has changed me into someone I wasn't before. She also told me she does not want to be at the house anymore. My children are my #1 and always will be, so her opinion is very important to me.
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post #119 of 124 (permalink) Old 07-12-2019, 04:49 PM
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Re: More Questions Than Answers...

@hubbyintrubby What's your lawyer's take on this?


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post #120 of 124 (permalink) Old 07-12-2019, 09:11 PM
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Re: More Questions Than Answers...

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Originally Posted by hubbyintrubby View Post
The account is sadly an account she opened in her name and gave me shared access to. The bank we bank at does not do joint accounts, they just have members and you can share access to an account with another person. She is the “member” on the accounts in question and she removed my access.
Actually, the law might not see it her way. If your pay was also going in to it, then the court might declare it as a joint account, no matter what she might want to believe.


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