Newly Wed - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-20-2019, 01:44 AM Thread Starter
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Join Date: Oct 2019
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Newly Wed

Hello; newly wed here. Been with my husband for 5 years now, thought I’ve seen and heard everything when it comes to loving and being with him...
Things are different now.
I’m on this forum because I want to hear other women’s take on their marriage. Is this all there is? Isn’t there supposed to be some sort of magical honeymoon phase? If there is for some women; shouldn’t I be feeling that as well?
I’m hesitant when it comes to having children, even if that’s all I want at the moment. However, again, that’s all I want.
Did I make the right choice?

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post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-20-2019, 02:01 AM
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Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 6,803
Re: Newly Wed

Can you give more information on what you mean/what you're experiencing? We can't help or offer insight if we don't know what is going on.

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post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-20-2019, 04:44 AM
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Re: Newly Wed

The honeymoon phase is usually in the first year or two, you have been with him for 5 years now,presumably also living with him, so you have had that part. Getting married isn't going to suddenly bring that in now when you are past that stage. What you are in now is real life. Being committed to someone with all the ups and downs of life, committed to him in the good and the bad. Not sure what you were expecting, especially if you were already living with him???
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post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-20-2019, 06:16 AM
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Location: MI
Posts: 4,110
Re: Newly Wed

I've been married nearly 20 years and never really felt the end of the "honeymoon phase". Sure, life and responsibilities exist and take time and energy to manage, but I never lost that excitement when he comes home or the need to frequently touch or the butterflies before our lips meet.

From what you wrote, @Smeckledorffed, I wonder what the real issues are. Are you in a fixable rut that could be cured with some open and honest communication? Do you no longer find him attractive? Have you fallen out of love with him? Is he behaving in ways that make you doubt the longevity of the marriage and causing you to hesitate on having a baby with him? Has he cheated? Been abusive? Does he neglect you? Is there a lack of sex and intimacy? What's making you question your decision to marry this man?

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
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post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-20-2019, 07:21 AM
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Join Date: May 2019
Location: Canada,eh?
Posts: 600
Re: Newly Wed

yes, please tell us more. Sometimes it's diamonds, sometimes it's stones. Marriage ebbs and flows. Help us to help you.
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post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-20-2019, 08:09 AM
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Re: Newly Wed

For some couples, the first few years are the most difficult because they are struggling with merging their two lives.

Beyond that, I've have to know more about what's going on to be able to provide more input.

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post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-20-2019, 08:20 AM
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Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: East Coast, USA
Posts: 440
Re: Newly Wed

Having children with a man, intentionally, that you seem to feel you have "plateud" with doesn't seem wise.
Are you looking at him now in a different way than when you were younger? Does he seem like the "good father type" but you want something else?
Like others have said, you need to share more about yourself/him/your relationship.

“One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.”

― C.G. Jung
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post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-20-2019, 09:58 AM
Join Date: Nov 2012
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Re: Newly Wed

It's the first years of the relationship that are the 'honeymoon period'. Back when marriage typically happened after a short period of dating, the first few years of marriage overlapped with the first few years of the relationship. But if you've been together for years already, marriage won't be all that different.

However, often the relationship still shifts after marriage. It may be come more of a family-like relationship rather than a dating-like relationship. Some people say they felt their partner tried harder when they were just dating. That might be because they were more on their best behavior. After they are married, they relax a bit. But along with that often comes a sense of comfort that you can be yourself with this other person.

I think what you're feeling is totally normal since you got married after being together so long. And don't worry about having kids right now if you're not sure that's what you want to do. There's plenty of time to get settled together before you make that decision.
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post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-20-2019, 07:35 PM
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Lima, Peru
Posts: 31
Re: Newly Wed

Marriage has its ups and down but as a couple, you have to always work together as a team. I can't wait for the day I finally get married.
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