New member and totally confused! - Talk About Marriage
New Member Forum - Introduce Yourself! Drop in, say hi, and get to know your community.

User Tag List

 16Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #1 of 19 (permalink) Old 11-10-2019, 05:46 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Nov 2019
Posts: 3
New member and totally confused!

New member! Hi all. Looking for some support, and maybe some help.
My wife and a I have been married for 14 years. We have 2 boys, 13 & 14. I am 42, she is 34. First off, I love my wife as much as I could love anyone. She is the apple of my eye. She recently told me she no longer loves me, is not attracted to me, and is “done, just done”. I have had a really hard time with this. I am going to post more on this in another thread and maybe you all mite have be able to help.

Always working 123 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 19 (permalink) Old 11-10-2019, 06:02 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 1,671
Re: New member and totally confused!

VERY sorry to hear this -- when you post, you will get a lot of folks that can help you through this.
jlg07 is offline  
post #3 of 19 (permalink) Old 11-14-2019, 05:13 PM
Moderator
 
MattMatt's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: England
Posts: 27,567
Re: New member and totally confused!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Always working 123 View Post
New member! Hi all. Looking for some support, and maybe some help.
My wife and a I have been married for 14 years. We have 2 boys, 13 & 14. I am 42, she is 34. First off, I love my wife as much as I could love anyone. She is the apple of my eye. She recently told me she no longer loves me, is not attracted to me, and is “done, just done”. I have had a really hard time with this. I am going to post more on this in another thread and maybe you all mite have be able to help.
Hi @Always working 123. How's it going?


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
(Be afraid UK cheaters! CheaterVille has come to the UK!
MattMatt is offline  
 
post #4 of 19 (permalink) Old 11-14-2019, 05:19 PM
Member
 
Marc878's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Southeast
Posts: 6,229
Re: New member and totally confused!

Go online and check your phone bill. I'd rule that out first.
Marc878 is online now  
post #5 of 19 (permalink) Old 11-14-2019, 06:06 PM
Member
 
arbitrator's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Central Texas/Brazos Valley
Posts: 15,883
Cool Re: New member and totally confused!

Sounds greatly like you've just heard the proverbial "ILYBINILWY!"

Time for a little sleuthing on your part!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story!
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
arbitrator is offline  
post #6 of 19 (permalink) Old 11-14-2019, 11:26 PM
Member
 
sokillme's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 10,514
Re: New member and totally confused!

She is probably cheating.

You hear all the time that the BS has to eat a **** sandwich, but most of the time the WS -- IS the **** sandwich.
sokillme is offline  
post #7 of 19 (permalink) Old 11-15-2019, 12:10 AM
Member
 
Mr.Married's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2018
Location: Texas !!!!!!!!!!
Posts: 1,744
Re: New member and totally confused!

Regardless if she is the apple of your eye or not, you can not change the way a person feels about you. Example: Look at someone you don't like ...... now make yourself like them.

You can't make yourself like them ....... and even more so in a woman's case: You can not make her attracted to you. If the state of your marriage has come to this it is a really bad sign.

Here is a general rule of thumb: When a woman says "I'm done" .... she is done for good ..... she is finished ..... she has already made her escape plan ...probably been working on it for years.


If she is cheating: It may be possible ..... but if she is do you really want her back? Some women will break out of the brain fog and return to their husband. I couldn't do that myself but that is just me.
There are a few woman that indeed make all the right moves, come clean, do all the right work and recover from their affair in a proper manner .... they are the rare exception. Still ... for me I could not do it.
I have too much respect for myself.
Mr.Married is offline  
post #8 of 19 (permalink) Old 11-15-2019, 02:14 AM
Member
 
Mr.Married's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2018
Location: Texas !!!!!!!!!!
Posts: 1,744
Re: New member and totally confused!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Always working 123 View Post
, I love my wife as much as I could love anyone. She is the apple of my eye. She recently told me she no longer loves me, is not attracted to me, and is “done, just done”. .
I wanted to add: Sorry you find yourself in this situation.


A couple important things:

If she has stated this as a "I'm angry and blowing off steam because I have PMS" then that is one thing, BUT I get the feeling that we are talking about more than that. Hopefully I'm wrong.

If she truly meant what she said then there is something you very much need to understand: The relationship you had with your wife will not return. That is in the past. Do not try to bring
the past back.....also understand there is something about the past relationship that led you to where you are now.

Please do not beg and plead with your wife. That is a losing battle EVERY SINGLE TIME.

One of the most important rules of life that most people never learn is: You can not change other people .... you can only change yourself.
Mr.Married is offline  
post #9 of 19 (permalink) Old 11-28-2019, 12:53 AM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Nov 2019
Posts: 3
Always working 123 is offline  
post #10 of 19 (permalink) Old 11-28-2019, 08:41 PM
Moderator
 
MattMatt's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: England
Posts: 27,567
Re: New member and totally confused!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Always working 123 View Post
G
Hello? Are you OK?



To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
(Be afraid UK cheaters! CheaterVille has come to the UK!
MattMatt is offline  
post #11 of 19 (permalink) Old 11-29-2019, 09:15 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 253
Quote:
Originally Posted by Always working 123 View Post
New member! Hi all. Looking for some support, and maybe some help.
My wife and a I have been married for 14 years. We have 2 boys, 13 & 14. I am 42, she is 34. First off, I love my wife as much as I could love anyone. She is the apple of my eye. She recently told me she no longer loves me, is not attracted to me, and is “done, just done”. I have had a really hard time with this. I am going to post more on this in another thread and maybe you all mite have be able to help.
Just from experience, it sounds like she may have someone else. It is time for.you to do some sleuthing and start to get you ducks in a row if it turns out she does. There are alot of good people here who can help you. Good luck
Numb26 is offline  
post #12 of 19 (permalink) Old 11-29-2019, 09:40 AM
Registered User
 
Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 16
Re: New member and totally confused!

There is an old saying: "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it was never meant to be."

With this in mind:

1. Do the 180 immediately.

2. Join a gym. Buy some new clothes. Take care of yourself. Belt in for the ride.

3. Do your due diligence (or hire it done): Go through her phone records, check house, her car, cellphone, financials, VAR's for car and for you during any discussions with her. Put a GPS on her car as well.

4. Lawyer up. Find "Shark" #1,2,and 3. Get appointment with them. Pick the best. At the minimum,explore your options. Better yet, have the paperwork drawn up.

5. Have her served, hopefully at work. Shock and awe all the way. Cold as dry ice.

If this doesn't start to draw her head out of her a##, nothing will. You can always slow the process or stop it if she shows true remorse or truly want to repair the marriage.

No matter what, if she wants to reconcile, IT IS INCUMBENT UPON HER TO DO THE LIFTING, REPAIR THE DAMAGE AND MAKE YOU FEEL SAFE IN THE MARRIAGE.

Last edited by Tdbo; 11-29-2019 at 09:50 AM.
Tdbo is offline  
post #13 of 19 (permalink) Old 11-29-2019, 02:30 PM
Forum Supporter
 
SunCMars's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: THRD is ever reflecting, King Brian is trapped in the 5th Dim. SunCMars is plotting a new future.
Posts: 10,935
Re: New member and totally confused!

This IS a holiday weekend.

AW123 could be busy, and may be back on Sunday night or sometimes next 'weep'.

Yes, some two-poster threads tilt down at one end....with the OP's sliding/signing off, to gone!

Keep in mind, it takes some nerve to post about a bed of nails, with strangers mingling all about in his bedroom, and remarking on the sharp points.

Then again, he may have lost his nerve.

The bed of nails did him in. He is deflated!

Maybe, his wife walked into the room while he was typing and asked "What the bleep are ya' doin?"


It happens.

.................................................. ............................................

The "G" he posted could have been a test, merely to see how the blog works.

Or, his "G" was short for:

"Gee!"

"Gee whiz, I have been had! "
This,after reading the few initial responses.


TT I-

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out. The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall.
With The Host, RD back will there be any interest in telling Tales? Red Dog longs for his master?
SunCMars is offline  
post #14 of 19 (permalink) Old 11-29-2019, 02:44 PM
Forum Supporter
 
SunCMars's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: THRD is ever reflecting, King Brian is trapped in the 5th Dim. SunCMars is plotting a new future.
Posts: 10,935
Re: New member and totally confused!

All of us had of our turkey dinner.

AW123 now feels the turkey in his marriage.

Only, his meat feels left out in the cold.

Our fears are with the wife's half-baked remarks.

Her menu instructions are well know, and are written in stone on TAM.

She may be ready to flee the coop.
She may have strayed, or not.

Either way, she is over/done, and her excuses are well planned and pre-cooked.

-DELETED-

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out. The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall.
With The Host, RD back will there be any interest in telling Tales? Red Dog longs for his master?
SunCMars is offline  
post #15 of 19 (permalink) Old 12-03-2019, 09:15 AM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Nov 2019
Posts: 3
Re: New member and totally confused!

Hi guys! I’m still here. Thank you all for posting. Yes the “G” post what by accident, I didn’t care to worry about deleting.

On to the problems,
I’m sure all of you have read my first post. Nothing has much changed. We lawyered up. She has now agreed to “work” on the marriage but I kinda have doubts. We’re going to couples Counciling but again, I ain’t holding my breath. She told her story, and I told mine. It’s probably the usual story posted here many times. She says I’m a controlling sex crazed narcissist who doesnt care about what she wants. I pretty much said the same thing about her, except the councilor said she was a narcissist and I wasn’t. I scheduled a trip to a physiatrist. I wanna get that diagnosis on paper.
There is more but I can’t talk about it rite now.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Always working 123 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in










Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome