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post #1 of 72 (permalink) Old 11-24-2019, 01:50 PM Thread Starter
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Hello

Dont know where to start. Been married for 7 years, together for 9. Past couple months wife has been talking about seperation and divorce. I have been a stay at home dad for past 3 years, now she says I am lazy and not the man she thought I would be. Cleaning up the house like I normally do I ran across petition for divorce paperwork she has started filling out. I have been working on myself since all this started, but it's been hard. I am in school part time, just started a new job, and last Monday was our anniversary.

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post #2 of 72 (permalink) Old 11-24-2019, 02:34 PM
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Re: Hello

Welcome, so how many children do you have? And ages, in the 3 yrs how was it discussed that you would be a SAHD? How long until you finish school. Has your wife only recently changed in attitude or was there other issues? Why DO YOU THINK she is filing for divorce?

If your not the object of your lovers heart, then your just an object.
If you think the grass is greener on the otherside it's not, what you see are the weeds.
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post #3 of 72 (permalink) Old 11-24-2019, 03:12 PM
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Re: Hello

If you are a stay at home dad and are studying as well, then you are NOT lazy. Presumably your child or children are still young?
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post #4 of 72 (permalink) Old 11-25-2019, 08:07 AM
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Re: Hello

I'm glad to hear you're working again. It's NEVER a good idea to pull yourself out of the job market for too long or you lose all marketability. Thankfully, it doesn't sound as though 3 years did irreparable damage.

Folks will probably disagree with me because we're not allowed to say anything anymore without offending the masses, but I'll say it anyway. I think your wife lost respect for you being a 'stay at home dad.' Some women simply don't see it as sexy or attractive or a turn-on if their man wants to be a stay at home parent while their wife supports them instead of building a career out in the world.

I'm just saying from the sounds of it, I think she's lost all respect for you.

Lastly, STOP doing the Pick Me! dance. Jeez, you automatically assume that YOU have to dance as fast as you can and that YOU have to do all kinds of work on yourself in order to keep Miss Thang in your life. She sounds like an arrogant, self-absorbed witch. Find your voice and stand up for yourself.

Once you start seeing your worth, you'll find it harder to stay around people who don't.
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post #5 of 72 (permalink) Old 11-25-2019, 05:41 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Hello

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Originally Posted by Tilted 1 View Post
Welcome, so how many children do you have? And ages, in the 3 yrs how was it discussed that you would be a SAHD? How long until you finish school. Has your wife only recently changed in attitude or was there other issues? Why DO YOU THINK she is filing for divorce?
We have the one age 5. I got laid off for a job and I had another job lined up, but she convinced me to find something else I wanted to do and go to school. We both agreed after she convinced me to be a SAHD. I understand her feelings that I should have done more classes, but I was overwhelmed. I am only a few classes away from finishing. We talked about me finding a job when our son started school, and that's when I started looking. Without finishing my degree it's been hard. She only recently changed in attitude, although this has been going on for a couple months now. Before that I never saw it coming.

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post #6 of 72 (permalink) Old 11-25-2019, 06:14 PM
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Re: Hello

Do you think her change could be due to her being involved with, or attracted to, another man?

For a woman to suddenly change her tune and want a divorce … well, you either didn't realize she was falling out of love with you or she's already fallen in love with someone else.

I refuse to make anyone a priority in my life who considers me nothing more than an option.

You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.
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post #7 of 72 (permalink) Old 11-26-2019, 04:09 PM
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Re: Hello

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Originally Posted by HotAirBaloon14 View Post
Dont know where to start. Been married for 7 years, together for 9. Past couple months wife has been talking about seperation and divorce. I have been a stay at home dad for past 3 years, now she says I am lazy and not the man she thought I would be. Cleaning up the house like I normally do I ran across petition for divorce paperwork she has started filling out. I have been working on myself since all this started, but it's been hard. I am in school part time, just started a new job, and last Monday was our anniversary.
That is a short post and there is a lot more to discuss. There are a few things that make what you are going through, but there are a few things that are typical.

A stay at home husband is vulnerable. Many women will like the idea, but as @She'sStillGotIt says, the reality is rarely as cool. It can often be that they feel like they have taken the male role. It can be tempting to try to make up for this by working extra hard to impress.

This can be to mistake the issue.

Be a call ass manly man. Accept she is likely to divorce you fully. It is regretful, but you are not going to cry about it. Rise to the occasion and focus not on trying to stay married, but on being a great father and role model to your child. Consider that you have to take a different role, get the job to reflect you will need one or smash through the last bit of study and regain your identity.

The man she is likely to want will not be concentrating on his ill-fortune. He will be living up to a higher ideal as a Father. Consider the best (single) Father you can become to your child., and act like that person until you are him. It might well be that your wife falls in love with that man, she might not.
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post #8 of 72 (permalink) Old 11-29-2019, 08:07 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Hello

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Originally Posted by Prodigal View Post
Do you think her change could be due to her being involved with, or attracted to, another man?



For a woman to suddenly change her tune and want a divorce … well, you either didn't realize she was falling out of love with you or she's already fallen in love with someone else.
I dont believe she is involved with another man, but it could very well be she is attracted to another man and sees him as more of a man than me.

I would say I didnt realize she was falling out of love. She worked all the time, and i was home with our son our running him around and taking care of everything at home.

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post #9 of 72 (permalink) Old 11-29-2019, 08:12 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Hello

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr The Other View Post
That is a short post and there is a lot more to discuss. There are a few things that make what you are going through, but there are a few things that are typical.

A stay at home husband is vulnerable. Many women will like the idea, but as @She'sStillGotIt says, the reality is rarely as cool. It can often be that they feel like they have taken the male role. It can be tempting to try to make up for this by working extra hard to impress.

This can be to mistake the issue.

Be a call ass manly man. Accept she is likely to divorce you fully. It is regretful, but you are not going to cry about it. Rise to the occasion and focus not on trying to stay married, but on being a great father and role model to your child. Consider that you have to take a different role, get the job to reflect you will need one or smash through the last bit of study and regain your identity.

The man she is likely to want will not be concentrating on his ill-fortune. He will be living up to a higher ideal as a Father. Consider the best (single) Father you can become to your child., and act like that person until you are him. It might well be that your wife falls in love with that man, she might not.
I get that all that now. We talked about everything as I was staying at home studying, but apparently she wasnt honest with me at the time. I am trying my hardest to be a stand up dad and let her do her thing, but my emotions get the best of me sometimes.



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post #10 of 72 (permalink) Old 11-29-2019, 08:19 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Hello

There is more to the story, I just dont know how to tell it all. I have already pushed her to the point she wont talk to me unless she initiates the conversation, and if I get any reply it's a short, snappy reply. I am trying my hardest to be a good dad, finish school, and work a new job. I have a new job that sucks and wont pay my bills if I have to move out, so that adds to my anxiety.

She decided she needed time away and wanted to go to her moms for Thanksgiving. I said that sounded like a good idea, but she wouldn't go without our son. Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday, she knows that, but I let her take him anyways thinking that was the right thing to do. It has completely ruined this holiday for me and I wont be able to ever look at it the same. While she has been gone I have not been texting her, buy still get a text from her every so often. If I dont reply I'm being an ass, if I do reply she replies back with a short rude text.

After discussing not spending money until we figure things out, she bought a new matress and a new computer, wth?

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post #11 of 72 (permalink) Old 11-29-2019, 08:25 PM
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Re: Hello

I suggest that you consult a lawyer and find out what your rights are in your situation. Do it now - you really can't afford to wait and just hope things will change.

Love is an ideal thing; marriage is a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

CELIBACY IS NOT HEREDITARY.
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post #12 of 72 (permalink) Old 11-30-2019, 12:09 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Hello

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Originally Posted by Married but Happy View Post
I suggest that you consult a lawyer and find out what your rights are in your situation. Do it now - you really can't afford to wait and just hope things will change.
I'm not just waiting to see what happens, but I am going to try and save my marriage.

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post #13 of 72 (permalink) Old 11-30-2019, 02:13 PM
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Re: Hello

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Originally Posted by HotAirBaloon14 View Post
I'm not just waiting to see what happens, but I am going to try and save my marriage.
You can't save your marriage alone. Your wife took off to spend Thanksgiving with her family and didn't give a good cahoot what happened to you.

I have this gut feeling that there very well could be another man. It may not have progressed to the physical, but don't rule out she could be having an emotional affair. Your wife has checked out. I'm sorry, but that's how I see it as a woman.

I refuse to make anyone a priority in my life who considers me nothing more than an option.

You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.
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post #14 of 72 (permalink) Old 11-30-2019, 02:37 PM
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Re: Hello

Quote:
Originally Posted by HotAirBaloon14 View Post
I'm not just waiting to see what happens, but I am going to try and save my marriage.

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Prodigal View Post
You can't save your marriage alone. Your wife took off to spend Thanksgiving with her family and didn't give a good cahoot what happened to you.

I have this gut feeling that there very well could be another man. It may not have progressed to the physical, but don't rule out she could be having an emotional affair. Your wife has checked out. I'm sorry, but that's how I see it as a woman.
Honestly brother, you really need to listen to what you are being told.

Odds are that she has another man, that is not a SAHD, sorry but more than likely true.

I suspect that she has been cheating a while, she is tired of your dead weight, and she HAS moved on.

You need to protect yourself, and you need to do it now. You don't have a marriage to save, probably have not had one for a while.

In the FUTURE, NEVER EVER depend on another person for your financial survival, it is a fools errand.

Please, wake up and protect yourself while you can, I suspect that you are about to be left in the dust...
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post #15 of 72 (permalink) Old 11-30-2019, 03:21 PM
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Re: Hello

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Originally Posted by HotAirBaloon14 View Post
After discussing not spending money until we figure things out, she bought a new matress and a new computer, wth?
If this doesn't make you realize your wife has no respect for you, I don't know what will ….

I refuse to make anyone a priority in my life who considers me nothing more than an option.

You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.
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