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post #16 of 67 (permalink) Old 12-07-2019, 05:22 PM Thread Starter
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I know who i am and have extensively admitted to it on previous posts just looking for a way forward with less damage especially for the kids

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post #17 of 67 (permalink) Old 12-07-2019, 05:25 PM
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Re: Hello everyone jim here going through though times.

@jimjon

She is rubbing your nose in it. You have been unfaithful and she has checked out. Am all for reconciliation when viable, but based on your posts you need to move on and get yourself fixed via counseling. There is something really wrong with your excessive cheating sir.

“If you are going through hell keep on going”-Winston Churchhill
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post #18 of 67 (permalink) Old 12-07-2019, 05:27 PM Thread Starter
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post #19 of 67 (permalink) Old 12-07-2019, 05:30 PM
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Re: Hello everyone jim here going through though times.

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I've tried to bring some sense to her in that regard. I asked her how can she do that? And she told me he's just a friend and she can introduce her kids to her friends as she wishes males and females.
Start talking to a lawyer and don't skimp.

You might want to consider springing for sessions for your kids in counseling/therapy.

Your wife might be through with you as a husband but she can't just move another man into the slot without doing things right and making good choices for the kids and she needs to know that she can't replace you as Dad.
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post #20 of 67 (permalink) Old 12-07-2019, 05:33 PM Thread Starter
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I knwo you're probably right and i brought this on myself. The idea of an extra fight with lawyers seem like more pain for me since i will have to now face it again in court it's a lot to swallow but i know you're right thanks
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post #21 of 67 (permalink) Old 12-07-2019, 05:38 PM
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I knwo you're probably right and i brought this on myself. The idea of an extra fight with lawyers seem like more pain for me since i will have to now face it again in court it's a lot to swallow but i know you're right thanks
If you two can agree to terms and make it an amicable divorce there will be no need to go to court. Paperwork can be filled along with the settlement papers and the child custody agreement. Easy.
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post #22 of 67 (permalink) Old 12-07-2019, 05:43 PM Thread Starter
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post #23 of 67 (permalink) Old 12-07-2019, 06:26 PM
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Re: Hello everyone jim here going through though times.

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I've tried to bring some sense to her in that regard. I asked her how can she do that? And she told me he's just a friend and she can introduce her kids to her friends as she wishes males and females.
Yes, she can.
No, she should not, with respect to her male friend(s).


I think your only hope is to sit her down and own all your bad behavior.

Sincerely, tell her you are sorry.
And mean it.

Ask if there is anything that you can do to save the marriage.
If she says no, then divorce, telling her, when and if she has it in her to forgive you, you would like to get back together again.

Say nothing about her new man, or men. She must need this.
Let her get this out of her system.

Will she come around, come back?

I would think not.

But, if you remain a true man to her and do not cheat again, some hope might be in store for you.
Some, likely not much.

Wait this out. She waited you out....for all those years.

Be calm, be pleasant, be understanding.

These other men may be just taking advantage of her vulnerability. Getting it while they can.
They may tire of her and she may then come back to you.

Time will tell.
You must give her at least a year.
Be the best you can be for that year.

This too will pass,
We shall see if it shall wash itself....clean.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out. The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall.
The Host, Rd is ill, any years left, remain now, in doubt? Red Dog is now lost to us.
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post #24 of 67 (permalink) Old 12-07-2019, 06:58 PM
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Re: Hello everyone jim here going through though times.

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I have be unfaithful to her in the past many times and we worked it out and moved on.
"WE" didn't work anything out. You managed to lie enough to her and give her enough sugary empty promises that she would foolishly chose to stay with you over and over and over - and every time, she'd catch you out chasing tail AGAIN and the cycle would repeat itself.

In essence, she just continually took giant bites of the huge **** sandwich you kept serving up to her.

Now, it's YOUR turn to belly up to the bar at the **** Sandwich Cafe.

Would you like fries with your meal?

Once you start seeing your worth, you'll find it harder to stay around people who don't.
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post #25 of 67 (permalink) Old 12-07-2019, 08:12 PM Thread Starter
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Thank you for all the inputs. I did wrong but i didn't introduce any of the kids to my wrongdoings. I feel very bad for them to go through this and i wish i could take it back just for them so they can grow in a better situation.

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post #26 of 67 (permalink) Old 12-07-2019, 09:47 PM Thread Starter
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Suncmars i particularly like your advices. Am not for separation in general because i know the damges it causes especially when you've been in a long term relationship. i was wrong a lot of times and i did wrong too many times. I learned and grew from my mistakes. If there's one thing i learned is i did a lot of wrong to two adults and only change can save the kids. I was working on change and still am. I regret all the wrongdoings and hope things can turn for the better. I will definitely keep you all posted how this evolves. The last thing she said is give her space give her time so she won't be bitter those where her words and she said she respect the fact that i agreed to that.
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post #27 of 67 (permalink) Old 12-07-2019, 11:49 PM
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Re: Hello everyone jim here going through though times.

I am also very pro reconciliation when possible.

You have done too much to save this, and you should set her free. Since she seems to not be able to leave you, even though you are a high count cheater, (and she absolutely should leave you,she may take you back yet again, but she will never forgive you fully. Plus, she deserves to move on to a healthy relationship for the first time in her life.

So, here you are. You are still a dad. You need to stop being so selfish, permanently. Step up, and become a dad who is in the same state as his children so he can see them every week. I’m guessing if you don’t, your nemesis Tim will be the only daddy your 5 year old remembers much about later in her life. He will share all her memories, and much of your 11 year olds. You will share a few weeks a year. Cause and effect. Repercussions of very bad choices. We all get hit between the eyes with these things.

I never think it is good for a husband and wife to live in two different states. The result is rarely anything good. Don’t make that mistake again if you ever get remarried.

Ciao,

Spicy
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post #28 of 67 (permalink) Old 12-08-2019, 06:47 AM
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Re: Hello everyone jim here going through though times.

Few of us like what life has in store for us.

The thing is, we helped in stocking the shelves.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out. The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall.
The Host, Rd is ill, any years left, remain now, in doubt? Red Dog is now lost to us.
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post #29 of 67 (permalink) Old 12-08-2019, 08:24 AM
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Re: Hello everyone jim here going through though times.

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Very complicated marital situation. I think my wife is either leaving or cheating and i don't know how to handle this situation it's a little too much for me this time. Any advice will help i will appreciate any intake on this. Here's the situation i live in one state she lives in another. I moved for a job. last week the kids 5 and 11 were on vacation with me and while here the 5 years old told me she was having sleep overs at mommy's friend Tim and i asked the older about it and he said everyone knows about Tim. i asked my wife she said Tim is just a friend and that she's free to have sleep overs at friends houses men and women. The problem is i don't know Tim and she has never done this in the past only started recently and she said she needs space and time. I have be unfaithful to her in the past many times and we worked it out and moved on. So this might be a reason why she's doing this. But then this came and the part that hurts me a lot is the fact that one i learned it from our 5years old second they told me they had dinner twice on her birthday and on my 11years old birthday. And she admitted to this and said we had an argument and we were not talking and he offered to take her out with his kids and she agreed. She said I've hurt her in the past a lot and that's how she felt which i totally understand but i told her i never introduced the kids to anyone how can she go as far as having sleep overs at another man house with our daughter? I can't wrap my mind around that and anytime since i found out she won't talk she says i stress her and she needs space and time. I don't know what to do or say. I brought the kids back to her recently. I am so hurt i don't know how to move forward from here. I know i messed up a lot in the past before but i thought as we previously discussed we were raising the kids and starting fresh. This is just a little too much from me. I need better advise and guidance here. Thanks
I am sorry Jimjon, but you minimize your own cheating by saying I have be unfaithful to her in the past many times and we worked it out and moved on. What exactly did you both do to move on? Maybe she didn't move on it appears so from what she is saying now and what she is doing now.
The fact that you also chose to move away from her and your kids in order to work, probably she thinks you are still cheating, there is absolutely not trust in your marriage so she is keeping her options open and maybe looking for someone else. I am a one man woman but tbh I do not blame her.
Now the shoe is on the other foot you are hurt, sorry man, but what goes around comes around and now you know, no words of wisdom from me here.

The life you have, is the life you create
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post #30 of 67 (permalink) Old 12-08-2019, 08:27 AM
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Re: Hello everyone jim here going through though times.

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there's something that happened and i almost left. There was a girl that i met and we talked a lot and i liked her and my wife knew and was upset about it. She confronted me about it i told her i didn't know what to do of it and i told her shencould leave if she wanted to and I'll fix myself and figure things out but she refused to leave and decided to work on our relationship. i never dated the girl or had any encounter with her. We both moved apart and stopped talking to each other because she wanted me to break up with my wife and i couldn't do it and refused to do it. My wife keeps on bringing that story for some reason am not sure why. this was back in 2016
You toasted your marriage long ago, this was the final nuclear bomb. I suggest you sit down and talk to your wife and agree to a divorce so she can move on and meet someone who will actually respect her enough not to cheat, maybe she has found that man already.

The life you have, is the life you create
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