I thank you all for all the words of wisdom the advices and the harsh words too which i deserve. there's is no excuse for what I did all those years. I will never own it enough. i made huge mistakes that I wish i could erase from my life. Am very ashamed of myself to the point it's taking a tremendous amount of energy just to talk about it to anyone. As i previously mentioned here i will keep updates here every now and then. she still allows me to talk to her and the lord knows i appreciate that more than my life. Today we spoke and she agreed she will never introduce the kids to anyone anymore and definitely not to that man again (Tim). I caused this to myself to my marriage to my wife and to my kids. I should be and will be the one to fix it. I have no excuse and am not looking for sympathy from anyone. I know i will never be sorry enough for a lot of people. I can see that here and i understand i deserve it. but to those who have more wisdom than i do i appreciate your words gor the way forward. your advises and your predictions about this situation that i caused. It takes sometimes a lot for some of us to learn what others know as simple facts. I was a very bad person but today I've learned a great deal and the lord knows i want to be out of this skin in which i feel trapped.
Jimjon,, none wants to castigate you just pointing out that you must own your role in the mess. You are showing that you have got this and showing some remorse which is a start.
However, it seems to me that your whole family are crying out for you to step up to the plate and be a man who leads his family. YOu leave the issue of your son to your wife, shrug your shoulders and go back to your job in another state abdicating all responsibility? What is wrong with you!
YOur family needs you there with them, your kids need you there with them. Your marriage is in shambles not just because of your cheating but because you decided to piss off to another state. You blame your wife's upbringing etc but what are you doing to help your family? Nothing except pass the buck it seems. You come on here to bemoan your life, so what are you going to do about it. Do you want to end up with kids who are delinquent, cut themselves, get into drugs, etc? Your pain is not important now, you created this mess, now do right by your kids FFS!
The best thing is to be the best man you can be for your kids and for yourself. It is likely your wife has checked out a long time ago, there is only some much a spouse will take till they tip over.
Only you know if the marriage is salvageable or not. If that is the road you want to pursue both of you must be fully in it, but it will be a long hard road. It will need much therapy and the rebuilding of trust, compassion and love. Some have done it but it is not for the fainthearted.
If you cannot see that happening, then do the right thing. Talk to your spouse about it, what she expects what you expect or how you see the future. Perhaps you can come to some arrangement.
Be a man, a leader of your family and do the right thing, otherwise someone else will be, it is your choice, the longer you wallow, the worse it will be.