Hello everyone jim here going through though times. - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
New Member Forum - Introduce Yourself! Drop in, say hi, and get to know your community.

User Tag List

 52Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #46 of 67 (permalink) Old 12-09-2019, 09:45 PM
Member
 
Spicy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Somewhere awesome
Posts: 2,062
Re: Hello everyone jim here going through though times.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jimjon View Post
here my question is why is she not telling me clearly and simply that she's moved on?
Revenge & money.


Ciao,

Spicy
Spicy is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #47 of 67 (permalink) Old 12-09-2019, 10:10 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 32
If she's willing to destroy her own kids future for revenge and money then she's certainly worse than a cheater. today she went to the 11year old school and they said he's been out of control because his parents are splitting. I spoke to her and she had harsh words for the kids saying a kid can't control her and i tried to tell her calm yourself down and be easy on him his reaction is normal. She comes from a home where there was constant separation one of her mom husband after raising her for almost 5 years when she was still 10 told her she wasn't his and that he wanted nothing to do with her and she told me that day her world shattered cuz she loved him so much called him daddy and believed firmly he was her dad. to this day shes bitter at the then hunsband of her mom. Money and revenge will only destroy her kids. Am a hard worker and certainly don't have a problem caring for my kids. I moved to another state to care for them not for me. I can afford the basic in this life but i can't afford to not be able to provide them with a stable home. That's my worry
jimjon is offline  
post #48 of 67 (permalink) Old 12-09-2019, 10:40 PM
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 28
Re: Hello everyone jim here going through though times.

When my friend was contemplating divorce she told me the best advice she received in regards for her children's well being was that "it's better to be from a broken home than in a broken home".

Meaning that children are intuitive and feed off the energy in the home. If the adults caring for them are constantly fighting/cheating it's going to cause more harm than mommy and daddy getting a divorce.

My friend is now divorced and her children are healthy happy and feel safe. She waited a full year to introduce them to her new boyfriend and only goes on dates when they are with their dad.

Therapy for everyone sounds like it's in order.
guilty and regretful is offline  
 
post #49 of 67 (permalink) Old 12-09-2019, 10:57 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 32
I think your advises sound a lot reasonable and make sense. A broken home is a danger to everyone including the adults i agree. I am willing to do whatever it takes to see those kid grow the way it is supposed to. if their mom think moving is im her best interest i will not oppose her but as i mentioned originally introducing the kids to anyone new just because you feel comfortable next to them is wrong to the extreme. have sleep overs at a man house with your 5 year old and her dad not being aware of that not knowing the man it is very wrong. so far i have seen no one here say she did that part right. She never took the 11 year old there why? Because she knew in the back of her mind it was wrong and the kid could turn into something else but she knew it was wrong. She did took them to dinner with that man on the 11 year old birthday then on her own birthday the kid will remember that in the future and will probably look at her differently. I admire what your friend did. She went on date only when the dad had his kids. I have so much respect for that. I am the number one cheater but i never ever had a sleep over with any woman with my kids involved because my wrongdoings should not involve them. Also i am available all she has to do is say take your kids i need time to myself i never refused that never will and i actually offered to stay home with the kids when i was around so she could have some free time to herself. She told me the kids had a week vacation the min she said that i flew to them picked them up and had a blast with them for a week. she could have done the same those times when she introduced them to a stranger. the good news she agreed yesterday not to introduce them to anyone in the future or to that same man again. It wasn't common sense to her but she eventually agreed
jimjon is offline  
post #50 of 67 (permalink) Old 12-09-2019, 11:12 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 32
My wife has been in therapy for her daddy issues and is still in therapy right now for it.
jimjon is offline  
post #51 of 67 (permalink) Old 12-09-2019, 11:31 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 10,639
Re: Hello everyone jim here going through though times.

Dude you brought this lifestyle into your marriage she is just following the dynamic. Unfortunately you can't put the genie back in the box. Sound like it's over. I suggest you sit your wife down and talk about life post marriage. It's time for you to move to divorce mode, cold clinical divorce mode.
sokillme is offline  
post #52 of 67 (permalink) Old 12-09-2019, 11:36 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 32
Ok sir thank you i will definitely explore that route once i sot her down in a few days when i get there.
jimjon is offline  
post #53 of 67 (permalink) Old 12-10-2019, 12:23 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 6,054
Re: Hello everyone jim here going through though times.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jimjon View Post
I think your advises sound a lot reasonable and make sense. A broken home is a danger to everyone including the adults i agree. I am willing to do whatever it takes to see those kid grow the way it is supposed to. if their mom think moving is im her best interest i will not oppose her but as i mentioned originally introducing the kids to anyone new just because you feel comfortable next to them is wrong to the extreme. have sleep overs at a man house with your 5 year old and her dad not being aware of that not knowing the man it is very wrong. so far i have seen no one here say she did that part right. She never took the 11 year old there why? Because she knew in the back of her mind it was wrong and the kid could turn into something else but she knew it was wrong. She did took them to dinner with that man on the 11 year old birthday then on her own birthday the kid will remember that in the future and will probably look at her differently. I admire what your friend did. She went on date only when the dad had his kids. I have so much respect for that. I am the number one cheater but i never ever had a sleep over with any woman with my kids involved because my wrongdoings should not involve them. Also i am available all she has to do is say take your kids i need time to myself i never refused that never will and i actually offered to stay home with the kids when i was around so she could have some free time to herself. She told me the kids had a week vacation the min she said that i flew to them picked them up and had a blast with them for a week. she could have done the same those times when she introduced them to a stranger. the good news she agreed yesterday not to introduce them to anyone in the future or to that same man again. It wasn't common sense to her but she eventually agreed
Some really weird narcissism going on here.

I cheated, but she did it around the kids.
I cheated, but she introduced a stranger to the kids
I cheated, but the kids will remember her cheating.
I cheated, but when she did it was worse.
I cheated, but she should have thought about the kids when she did.

She’s done with you and I do not think it is about money or revenge or the counseling. No, you screwed up and she followed in your footsteps.

Is it her Newfound independence that bothers you or “how dare she cheat on me” that is the issue?

her cheating is wrong, but your scale balancing tells me you didn’t learn anything from your behavior. Sorry, I for one do not buy “it is all about the kids.” That reason should have stopped you from serial cheating. This is just a way for you to minimize your actions and make hers worse.
phillybeffandswiss is offline  
post #54 of 67 (permalink) Old 12-10-2019, 01:05 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 32
I am not minimizing my actions at all again read all my posts and answers on here i keep on saying i will never be sorry enough. i did wrong feel disgusted in my own skin. Should i say ok she introduced the kids to someone new i got what i deserve ok move on? This isn't about me wether you buy it or not. Most people here understand my concern about the kids if you don't then you're too focus on me and my past actions. Forget about me and look at what the kids are going through are exposed to. One is already having issues with that in school. What is normal to you? A split then every parent can i introduce the kids to whoever they sleeping with? That's sound ideal for the kids to you? My concern is the kids. my past actions are my past actions in the present i am not cheating and in the present the kids are being exposed to different men figures. It is wrong and she understands that already and dhe already agreed to put a stop to that and i previously mentioned that on here too. There's no need to look for the narcissist in me i cheated and i can't take it back however i can still do a lot for those kids it's my duty as their father. i will work on it till i figure out the best way forward not for me but them
jimjon is offline  
post #55 of 67 (permalink) Old 12-10-2019, 01:14 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 32
She's always been independent. i ever trapped her in any way. the kids well being is my concern not the independence she's always had

jimjon is offline  
post #56 of 67 (permalink) Old 12-10-2019, 01:15 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 32
She can cheat as long as she wants how dare she introduce the kids to her cheating partner is the real question get it?
jimjon is offline  
post #57 of 67 (permalink) Old 12-10-2019, 01:20 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 32
She's done with me good. But when her daughter gets molested in a home somewhere then my concern today will be revisited . And it happens way too often in this wolrd so i can't ignore that. I am concerned whenever my kids are introduced to another man especially my daughter if you can't understand that then you're probably a different type of parent
jimjon is offline  
post #58 of 67 (permalink) Old 12-10-2019, 10:04 AM
Member
 
manfromlamancha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 3,126
Re: Hello everyone jim here going through though times.

Jimjon, I do understand what you are saying. It is clear that you have owned up to your wrongdoing and are prepared to pay the price for that.

However, what she has done and is still doing is also wrong and, as you say, destructive to the kids.

You need to now get tough:

  • Sit her down and say to her that you will not tolerate her behaviour with regards to the kids.
  • Lawyer up and as others have said, initiate a cold, clinical divorce.
  • As you will need to support your kids, do protect your finances else your money could end up being spent on some boyfriend of hers.
  • Do not hold on to the idea that you will not initiate divorce and will wait until she does - this will not be of any good to anyone. You need to make a decision once you have sat down with her and read her the riot act on what will be acceptable when it comes to your kids and then if she is not compliant, go full speed ahead with the divorce.
  • Find out more about Tim. He may well be a threat to your kids - you do not appear to know enough about him especially since your kids have been around him now and also your daughter has had to sleepover at his house while your wife is busy screwing him. This is worse than cheating - by far!
  • Definitely work on yourself to become the best parent you can be. I am not saying that you need to treat her badly or unfairly in the divorce, but it sounds like you are prepared to be the stable parent and that is good.
  • You need to find out more about Tim and tell his wife or ex-wife what is going on. You may find out more info that way too.
  • As for why she is not telling you she is done is very clear - as others have said: stability, money, revenge etc. Do not expect anything better or more from her.


Stay strong, be resolute in your decisions and follow through. I agree that the well-being of your kids is at stake here.

This is my quest, to follow that star
No matter how hopeless, no matter how far
To fight for the right, without question or pause
To be willing to march into Hell, for a Heavenly cause
manfromlamancha is offline  
post #59 of 67 (permalink) Old 12-10-2019, 10:43 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 6,054
Re: Hello everyone jim here going through though times.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jimjon View Post
She can cheat as long as she wants how dare she introduce the kids to her cheating partner is the real question get it?
Not going to get into a pissing match with you.

Divorce her.

Spicy said it best.

Last edited by phillybeffandswiss; 12-10-2019 at 10:53 AM. Reason: Don’t create a derail
phillybeffandswiss is offline  
post #60 of 67 (permalink) Old 12-10-2019, 10:48 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2019
Location: Midwest/Plains
Posts: 1,637
Re: Hello everyone jim here going through though times.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Spicy View Post
I am also very pro reconciliation when possible.

You have done too much to save this, and you should set her free. Since she seems to not be able to leave you, even though you are a high count cheater, (and she absolutely should leave you,she may take you back yet again, but she will never forgive you fully. Plus, she deserves to move on to a healthy relationship for the first time in her life.

So, here you are. You are still a dad. You need to stop being so selfish, permanently. Step up, and become a dad who is in the same state as his children so he can see them every week. Iím guessing if you donít, your nemesis Tim will be the only daddy your 5 year old remembers much about later in her life. He will share all her memories, and much of your 11 year olds. You will share a few weeks a year. Cause and effect. Repercussions of very bad choices. We all get hit between the eyes with these things.

I never think it is good for a husband and wife to live in two different states. The result is rarely anything good. Donít make that mistake again if you ever get remarried.

I had to like this twice. Spicy is correct.

If your not the object of your lovers heart, then your just an object.
If you think the grass is greener on the otherside it's not, what you see are the weeds.
Tilted 1 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in










Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome