Hello everyone jim here going through though times. - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 67 (permalink) Old 12-07-2019, 03:29 PM Thread Starter
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Hello everyone jim here going through though times.

Very complicated marital situation. I think my wife is either leaving or cheating and i don't know how to handle this situation it's a little too much for me this time. Any advice will help i will appreciate any intake on this. Here's the situation i live in one state she lives in another. I moved for a job. last week the kids 5 and 11 were on vacation with me and while here the 5 years old told me she was having sleep overs at mommy's friend Tim and i asked the older about it and he said everyone knows about Tim. i asked my wife she said Tim is just a friend and that she's free to have sleep overs at friends houses men and women. The problem is i don't know Tim and she has never done this in the past only started recently and she said she needs space and time. I have be unfaithful to her in the past many times and we worked it out and moved on. So this might be a reason why she's doing this. But then this came and the part that hurts me a lot is the fact that one i learned it from our 5years old second they told me they had dinner twice on her birthday and on my 11years old birthday. And she admitted to this and said we had an argument and we were not talking and he offered to take her out with his kids and she agreed. She said I've hurt her in the past a lot and that's how she felt which i totally understand but i told her i never introduced the kids to anyone how can she go as far as having sleep overs at another man house with our daughter? I can't wrap my mind around that and anytime since i found out she won't talk she says i stress her and she needs space and time. I don't know what to do or say. I brought the kids back to her recently. I am so hurt i don't know how to move forward from here. I know i messed up a lot in the past before but i thought as we previously discussed we were raising the kids and starting fresh. This is just a little too much from me. I need better advise and guidance here. Thanks

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post #2 of 67 (permalink) Old 12-07-2019, 03:34 PM
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Re: Hello everyone jim here going through though times.

You have been unfaithful to her many times.

What did you expect?

You broke the marriage, she crawled free.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out. The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall.
The Host, Rd is ill, any years left, remain now, in doubt? Red Dog is now lost to us.
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post #3 of 67 (permalink) Old 12-07-2019, 03:41 PM
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How long ago were your affairs?

Approximately how many did you have?

How did she find out about them?

How did you all work through the affairs? Marriage counseling?
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post #4 of 67 (permalink) Old 12-07-2019, 03:47 PM
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@jimjon you pm'd me responses to my questions. Please post that message here on your thread. They are relevant to your situation, especially anything you might have done to repair the relationship post Discovery.

Also, how long have you two been married?
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post #5 of 67 (permalink) Old 12-07-2019, 04:27 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Hello everyone jim here going through though times.

I finally figured out how to post from the desktop version and thank you for your help. We met we were both 19 been together for 14years and married for 5 years
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post #6 of 67 (permalink) Old 12-07-2019, 04:31 PM
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I finally figured out how to post from the desktop version and thank you for your help. We met we were both 19 been together for 14years and married for 5 years
Glad to hear that you figured out the system. You should cut and paste your pm response to the questions.
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post #7 of 67 (permalink) Old 12-07-2019, 04:37 PM Thread Starter
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I had encounters with a lot of women and she found out through my phone. These were dating back as far as 2008 i can't put a number on them. We talked about it. There was no counceling envolve. Only recently she started counceling for other issues that had nothing to do with me and she told me that was brought up. I know i am guilty of a lot here but i need help and advice
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post #8 of 67 (permalink) Old 12-07-2019, 04:52 PM
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I had encounters with a lot of women and she found out through my phone. These were dating back as far as 2008 i can't put a number on them. We talked about it. There was no counceling envolve. Only recently she started counceling for other issues that had nothing to do with me and she told me that was brought up. I know i am guilty of a lot here but i need help and advice
@jimjon, when you said your affairs were dating back to 2008, do you mean they started in 2008 or they started in 2008?
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post #9 of 67 (permalink) Old 12-07-2019, 04:59 PM Thread Starter
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They started in 2008 and lasted years. I didn't have any outside relationships it was usually a one time thing or something that lasted a month or 2. I am not trying to make myself look good in any way. I am very guilty here. Then i grew up kids were growing and i started working on myself to change my behavior like she asked me to. She's been asking for it for years and only about two years or less ago i started working on it because our lives were getting in order and i was more focused on work and family
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post #10 of 67 (permalink) Old 12-07-2019, 05:04 PM Thread Starter
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there's something that happened and i almost left. There was a girl that i met and we talked a lot and i liked her and my wife knew and was upset about it. She confronted me about it i told her i didn't know what to do of it and i told her shencould leave if she wanted to and I'll fix myself and figure things out but she refused to leave and decided to work on our relationship. i never dated the girl or had any encounter with her. We both moved apart and stopped talking to each other because she wanted me to break up with my wife and i couldn't do it and refused to do it. My wife keeps on bringing that story for some reason am not sure why. this was back in 2016

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post #11 of 67 (permalink) Old 12-07-2019, 05:05 PM
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Re: Hello everyone jim here going through though times.

There needs to be counseling yesterday.

Your marriage is probably toast, your fault there partner, but her behavior isn't healthy either and involving the children is over the top.

You two should at least take counseling sessions to effectively co parent.

She needs to stop introducing her affair partner to your children and absolutely stop bringing your children to his house while she sleeps with him!

Get your legal ducks in a row and document everything.

You toasted your marriage and I'm sorry for that but the bigger issue right now is your children's welfare.
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post #12 of 67 (permalink) Old 12-07-2019, 05:08 PM Thread Starter
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I appreciate your input. I still like my wife which is why i am still confused but i totally agree with you it's all my fault and the kids shouldn't be introduced to anyone
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post #13 of 67 (permalink) Old 12-07-2019, 05:11 PM
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Re: Hello everyone jim here going through though times.

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I appreciate your input. I still like my wife which is why i am still confused but i totally agree with you it's all my fault and the kids shouldn't be introduced to anyone
I'm not trying to pile on at all but your kids wellbeing is more important than rescuing your marriage.

Stabilizing their environment is very important.

Your marriage should take second place here to their health.
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post #14 of 67 (permalink) Old 12-07-2019, 05:13 PM
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They started in 2008 and lasted years. I didn't have any outside relationships it was usually a one time thing or something that lasted a month or 2. I am not trying to make myself look good in any way. I am very guilty here. Then i grew up kids were growing and i started working on myself to change my behavior like she asked me to. She's been asking for it for years and only about two years or less ago i started working on it because our lives were getting in order and i was more focused on work and family
Quote:
Originally Posted by jimjon View Post
there's something that happened and i almost left. There was a girl that i met and we talked a lot and i liked her and my wife knew and was upset about it. She confronted me about it i told her i didn't know what to do of it and i told her shencould leave if she wanted to and I'll fix myself and figure things out but she refused to leave and decided to work on our relationship. i never dated the girl or had any encounter with her. We both moved apart and stopped talking to each other because she wanted me to break up with my wife and i couldn't do it and refused to do it. My wife keeps on bringing that story for some reason am not sure why. this was back in 2016
Sorry but I don't think you and your wife should remain married. There's nothing to save. You're a serial cheater and she's lost all respect for you. Two wrongs don't make a right but at this point, she doesn't care. She probably feels that you opened the relationship years ago and she's entitled to her side relationship.

Work with her on an amicable divorce for your children's sake. It will help you two co parent cooperatively.
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post #15 of 67 (permalink) Old 12-07-2019, 05:14 PM Thread Starter
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I've tried to bring some sense to her in that regard. I asked her how can she do that? And she told me he's just a friend and she can introduce her kids to her friends as she wishes males and females.
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