Maybe the worst marriage EVER
Terry, married, Male, mid-30's. Wife the same but female, we'll call her Bob.
And i feel like I've been sucked into a black hole.
I met Bob about 20 years ago. She was dating a friend. I didnt notice her much at the time, she was my friends gal and that was that. I had other gals. As the years went by, my friend and I became good friends, even went in on a house together. Bob, she went off to college and they no longer dated. A few years later they got back together and had a child. And then sadly, my friend, a brand new father, passed away. He was a sort of glue between our group of friends and we dissolved. I didnt see any of them or her again for 6 months. That is when we all took a trip to Florida, and Bob, made it VERY clear she had missed me and things happened and here we are 12 years later with 4 children. The oldest being my friends daughter whom i've raised as my own. Thats the beginning and now, why I'm here is the near suicidal life i've been living in between.
See Bob is an addict, and I didnt learn this until she was pregnant with our 2nd (3rd) child. The first few years we were together she was hiding an opiod dependency and feeding off her grandmothers pain killers. After her grandmother passed away and the supply went away she turned to alcohol. This was much more noticeable, especially since at this point she was pregnant. She was drinking 12 packs of beer or bottles of vodka 2-3 times a week. Needless to say i was furious. I eventuality got CYF involved and she started rehab and drug tests. Our daughter was born, healthy by a miracle (although 7 now and showing sign of serious behavior issues).
After she was born, Bob went back into counseling and was eventually diagnosed with depression, anxiety and ADHD. In my on professional opinion, all things you can fake to get XANAX and Adderall. Fast forwarding many years of adderall and further alcohol abuse, we're up to the last year. The hardest year so far. January, here old boyfriends death day, she goes completely crazy and binge drinks. She actually ended up smashing up my show car in garage because i knew she was drinking and went to my brother in laws (her sisters husband) to avoid her. May, his birthday, more of the same, except this year she went back to his grave, then to a bar, and then never came home. ( I suspect she cheated on me). In august she got in a fight with me while i was trying to take the kids away from her, she was belligerent and being really nasty to them, especially the oldest. She came at me with a knife, i wrestled it from her, called the police and had her arrested. This was the start of another stint at rehab. Court ordered and for the most part she did very well, stayed sober, went in everyday and promised myself and her family things were going to be better. That lasted until the end of her probation. AA, rehab, sober, all came to a screeching halt. She found a new doctor to give her the adderall, her PCP actually. She doesnt take the adderall and alcohol together, she prefers the adderall. But they go fast. 90 pills in 4-5 days usually, no sleep, and then a huge crash that last 3-4 days. After that she drinks, and its been this way month after month for 8 years.
Theres been 2 more major episodes, in November she got smashed, cut her arm real bad trying to break into garage again after my car, she fled to a Hotel. But left the computer logged into her facebook account where i watched her message our daughters friends dad to come meet her there. Fortunately he's a better person than her. Bu that was the final straw for me ever trusting her again.
Theres 1 more episode i havent blocked out yet. But first i want to explain, I'm no Saint. 3 or 4 years ago we got into a bad argument where she was drunk, screaming in my face and then told me how she couldnt wait to **** other guys. Years of hate and resentment let go at that point, i slapped her across the face, i slapped her hard. I instantly regretted it. Not only was i upset i hurt her, but now I was to blame as well since i was now a physically abusive husband. We've had tussles before where she'd get drunk and attack me, never violent, but i've had to push her off or subdue her, but the time i slapped her, it was intentional and it was meant to hurt her. That was the only time i ever meant to hit her. More recently while trying to lock myself in bedroom away from her, she kicked the door in, and while trying to push her back out of the room to close the door, she tripped and fell backwards, hitting her head on the wall. A total accident, but still an excuse she carries with her everywhere.
The latest episode a few months ago. Our daughter has caught on to moms drinking, now when she gets home, can tell moms drinking, she leaves. But on that day mom was tired of her leaving. She called the police on our daughter for running away. She even told the police where to find her. At a friends down the street. At this point i'm just getting home from work, I already knew the situation because daughter called me to explain where she was going until i got home. The police at this point have been to our house many times, and they know Bob well. After a lot of screaming, yelling and drunkeness, Bob was hauled back off to jail for public drunkeness and resisting arrest. After she was subdued, i talked to the police, who i give credit, stayed very calm and professional. She was very violent in the back of the squad car, and after her sister arrived, older sister, we decided there was enough evidence to 302 her. (involuntary admitting to physc ward)
11 days in the hospital, round the clock care and many hours in therapy, they diagnosed her with a "mood disorder", not want to call it bipolar disorder) and started her on lithium. Lithium was a drug i thought would be perfect for her years ago but i dont have a Dr's pen, and nor was i ever allowed to be part of or know about her "ADHD" treatment. She came home and for the first few weeks was doing VERY well, normally bubbly self (when sober, shes a very sweet, outgoing, bubbly person). I saw change and I myself wanted to change, the resentment was starting to lift, i was helping her do things around the house more, calling her from work more. Things were going well, I had hope again.
And then everything crashed back to the ground. At here 1 month, first physc appointment since the hospital, she was put into a new office with a new doctor. After 45 minutes, this new doctor sends her home with 2 new scripts of adderall, I wonder how that happened. The sleep stopped, her eyes darkened again and we were right back to where we have been. The adderall lasted 4 days, and for the last two days, i have smelled alcohol on her. Like always, she adamantly denies drinking, but i know what i smell. She's still taking the Lithium, 300mg a day, but i dont think its enough. And now I'm at a point where i'm ready to throw in the towel, this "through sickness and in health" **** just aint for me anymore.
Thanks for reading, therapy is $60 a week these days
(site wont let me reply, just edit)
I dont know why i stay, maybe becasue thats all i know, I was raised in a similar situation, 4 kids, drunk farther. Or i know i cant trust kids with her, but i cant handle 4 kids alone, or becasue my oldest is my step daughter, and i dont know how things would effect her staying with her siblings, I just dont know, which scares me, everything scares me.
Last edited by terrycjr; 12-18-2019 at 02:39 PM.