Is this cheating? - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 39 (permalink) Old 03-19-2018, 08:22 AM
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Re: Is this cheating?

This was blatant cheating, and treating you like an idiot. Next time you meet her, have the divorce papers in hand. Since she wanted this separation, talk to your attorney and arrange that the divorce not be in her favor. She seems to think that you are a nice guy. Become a son of a bi+ch. You have been played.

Since you are separated, change the locks, and tell her you are getting full custody. Tell her that her mommy days are over, and her wh0re days have just begun. PS, tell her that it is cheating, because you are married. My wife justified her revenge affair, because we were separated. I asked if sex during marriage is cheating? She said it was, and I pointed out that we weren't divorced at that time, so yeah, you f'ing cheated and it was a revenge cheat. Then I said, "How would you have liked it if your mom found out you slept with someone while we were separated? She would not have liked it.


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post #17 of 39 (permalink) Old 03-19-2018, 10:10 AM
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Re: Is this cheating?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Diana7 View Post
Even if they hadn't had sex before the separation(which is very unlikely) she is still cheating because you are married. She lied about why she wanted you to leave the home. At the very least she should have been honest with you that she is having an affair and wants you out of the way so she can cheat more easily.

I would move back in, there is no reason why you have to leave your home and child. if she wants to leave let her leave.

ts hard to understand how people can be so utterly selfish, especially when they have a child. She gets rid of his father and then another man comes round a few days later. Just despicable.
@Diana7

You see....

You have never wavered, never gone soft on 'crime', on waywardness, on immaturity, on immorality.
Yours' is Black and White thinking in a cold, cloudy, uncertain Gray World. A Gray World where anything goes; anything short of blood, guts and murder.

Before, you had mostly, if not solely, sad sack detractors. Now you have gained, garnered a few 'Likes" and a few supporters.

I, for one.
No, I, all along, all throughout.

I, never wavering in support of your simplistic views. Aye.

Though, in truth, I fall short of your standards, standards that hold tight our fragile civilization, hold tight our morals.
Your thinking, while harsh, holds fast our standards of living. Our living amongst Bohemians, amongst Chaos.

Thank you and G' Day, Goodnight.

To you in your Greenwich Mean Time, GMT.
Not mean, just sensible. In this insensitive time, insensitive, selfish life.



SunCMars-

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out. The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall.
The Host, Rd is ill, any years left, remain now, in doubt? Red Dog is now lost to us.
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post #18 of 39 (permalink) Old 03-19-2018, 10:36 AM
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Re: Is this cheating?

Seriously your buying that form her......stop this crap and tell her that you are moving towards divorce this was her way to cheat DON NOT REWARD BAD BEHAVIOR....you were set up
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post #19 of 39 (permalink) Old 03-19-2018, 02:07 PM
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Re: Is this cheating?

Get a lawyer and move back into your house.
TODAY!! During a divorce she may try and claim that
you abandoned her and kids. Simply pack your stuff and
go home. You never know what you may walk into so be
careful. If any of her new (YEAH RIGHT) friends stuff is there
trow it out. This was her way of getting to spend more time with him.
Divorce her and maybe if you are back in your house she will not have
as much time to cheat. STILL DIVORCE HER EVEN IF THE OTHER
RELATIONSHIP ENDS
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post #20 of 39 (permalink) Old 03-19-2018, 06:44 PM
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Re: Is this cheating?

Quote:
Originally Posted by SunCMars View Post
@Diana7

You see....

You have never wavered, never gone soft on 'crime', on waywardness, on immaturity, on immorality.
Yours' is Black and White thinking in a cold, cloudy, uncertain Gray World. A Gray World where anything goes; anything short of blood, guts and murder.

Before, you had mostly, if not solely, sad sack detractors. Now you have gained, garnered a few 'Likes" and a few supporters.

I, for one.
No, I, all along, all throughout.

I, never wavering in support of your simplistic views. Aye.

Though, in truth, I fall short of your standards, standards that hold tight our fragile civilization, hold tight our morals.
Your thinking, while harsh, holds fast our standards of living. Our living amongst Bohemians, amongst Chaos.

Thank you and G' Day, Goodnight.

To you in your Greenwich Mean Time, GMT.
Not mean, just sensible. In this insensitive time, insensitive, selfish life.



SunCMars-
Thanks

Basically I just hate cheating. I have seen far too many marriages and people in my family so deeply hurt by it and the terrible consequences it brings. That's partly why I have such strong words to say about it.
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post #21 of 39 (permalink) Old 03-19-2018, 07:12 PM
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Re: Is this cheating?

"I've seen so many spouses lie about affairs, that when one spouse wants a separation, my best guess is that he or she is having an affair. I'm right almost every time.

Why would anyone need to be alone to sort things out? It makes much more sense to think that being separated makes it easier to be with their lover. Granted, there are many good reasons for a separation, such as physical or extreme mental abuse. But of all those I've seen separate, most have had lovers in the wings. "

-Dr Willard Harley

Coping with Infidelity: Beginning (Part 1)

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post #22 of 39 (permalink) Old 03-21-2018, 10:20 AM
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Re: Is this cheating?

@sa123456 She is cheating and there is no hope of reconciliation, at least while she continues to cheat.

I think your thread would be a better fit in the Coping With Infidelity section where there will be more expert help from people who have been through what you are going through.

I can move it for you if you wish?

Also, do not allow your wife's new "friend" to be anywhere near your son. Have him checked against the Sex Offenders Register.


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post #23 of 39 (permalink) Old 03-21-2018, 10:34 AM
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Re: Is this cheating?

Yes, absolutely, it is cheating. You separated with the intent that it would be a trial and the goal of the separation was to facilitate fixing the marriage. Under those conditions, you had every reason to expect fidelity. Had you separated with the goal of checking out the field to decide if you still want to be in the marriage, that would be different.

That she did this all within a week leads one to believe she had this planned and scheduled....and she brought him to YOUR house? Deal breaker.

When my husband and I separated, he agreed to no dating and it was with the intent that we would do some thinking and return to talk about next steps. Hahaha. My husband dated and boffed, all the while telling me how much he loved me and wanted our marriage to work out. He kept saying how we were meant to be together and he wanted to understand why I wanted a separation. He would come and spend weekends with me and the kids (later I realized it was every other weekend b/c the GF had children she had with her every other weekend). Long story short: I was devastated and all my friends say it was not cheating because we were separated. Um....no.

My advice: divorce. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Rip that bandaid off and get on with the business of healing. I wish I had....I let it all drag out. Very tough on the kids.
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post #24 of 39 (permalink) Old 03-29-2018, 12:15 AM
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Re: Is this cheating?

So, she's sleeping with other men to improve the marriage? That's a new one. It's cheating if you thought you were both going to just separate and not sleep with others. Sounds like she wanted a separation to date others, not really figure things out with you. Sorry you're dealing with this.

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post #25 of 39 (permalink) Old 03-29-2018, 12:39 AM
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Re: Is this cheating?

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Originally Posted by sa123456 View Post
I understand these responses... but they hurt like hell.
Sorry man, but the truth is staying with her now will only prolong the hurt. Things in life end. Your wife lied to you and blew up your marriage. Even if you were the worst husband in the world you didn't deserve to be strung along with false hope. So it's over with her, feel the pain, grieve the loss, but most importantly talk to a lawyer and divorce her. Don't eve love anyone enough to let them treat you like she is treating you now. If you won't protect yourself who will.

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post #26 of 39 (permalink) Old 03-29-2018, 12:57 AM
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Re: Is this cheating?

Quote:
Originally Posted by sa123456 View Post
she recently said she wanted to trial a separation to try and fix things so we can continue on happier than ever. That was 1 week ago.
DID YOU AND YOUR WIFE AGREE TO AN OPEN MARRIAGE DURING THE SEPERATION? I.E. SEX WITH OTHER PEOPLE WAS OK?

This is how it usually works. The wife has a boyfriend lined up and asks for a separation. She never mentions having sex with other people. The husband assumes that there will be no sex. They separate and the wife tries the boy friend on for size. If the boy friend is great and has long term potential then she tells her husband that the separation didn't work and she wants a divorce. After the divorce she meets the boy friend and starts dating. Very clean.

If the boy friend doesn't work out she goes back to her husband and says the separation worked and she loves him. She never mentions the sex with the OM. If the husband finds out then she says it was OK because they were separated.

Either way the husband didn't have sex with other people because he didn't know it was allowed. Basically the separation was a one way hall pass for the wife that the husband didn't know he was giving her.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sa123456 View Post
I found this out yesterday when I checked her phone after some lies were told to me (I know I know... I've never looked at her phone before and I feel bad for doing so) and I wanted confirmation of what is happening.

I confronted her yesterday, and she feels that because we had just separated, she has done nothing wrong.

I disagree completely, however I'm trying to understand.
If the separation was on the up and up why did she lie to you?

Don't try the understand. She wants you to be forced to take her back after having sex with another man because you were separated. Don't even get into this argument. I wouldn't use the sex as a reason to divorce her. I would agree with her that the marriage was bad and BOTH of you needed a separation to figure things out. The separation didn't improve things so you want a divorce. The sex had nothing to do with it. She was correct about the state of the marriage.

That will throw her for a loop because she's all ready to debate you about sex during the separation.. i.e "You can't divorce me for that because we were separated."

By the way you need to DNA test your son no matter who he looks like. You can buy a kit at Walmart, Amazon or about any drug store. You just swab the inside of your cheek and the kids. Then send the kit to a lab.

Last edited by Graywolf2; 03-29-2018 at 01:32 AM.
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post #27 of 39 (permalink) Old 03-29-2018, 01:33 AM
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Re: Is this cheating?

Trial "separation" is a bit of a misnomer. It usually means trial "relationship" with the new person. That's really what's being tried out. Separation is just a way to lower your risk while you see if the new person is really worth pulling the trigger for. I'm sorry for what you're going through. That's just awful. I sincerely hope you give yourself the respect and dignity you deserve when making decisions.
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post #28 of 39 (permalink) Old 04-19-2018, 08:48 AM
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Re: Is this cheating?

She completely played you.
Got the seperation so she could try someone else out without looking like a cheater.

This is not uncommon at all.

You have to start to live your own life now. If she ever chases you it will be when she thinks she will lose you for good.

Detach yourself emotionally from her.
Make a plan, be happy, confident, unavailable and disinterested in her.

New friends, social life , interests, hobbies, hit the gym.

Become the best version of you, for yourself not her, and take hold of your life.

It's your only path now, and your healthiest choice.

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post #29 of 39 (permalink) Old 04-19-2018, 09:06 AM
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So are you going to stop being a doormat and get out of infidelity or what?
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post #30 of 39 (permalink) Old 04-22-2018, 08:19 PM
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100 percent to the heck ya it's cheating
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