masturbation, why is it considered wrong?? - Talk About Marriage
Relationships and Addiction Whether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, pornography, or anything else, addictions can be detrimental to the health of a relationship.

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post #1 of 14 (permalink) Old 09-07-2019, 05:01 AM Thread Starter
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masturbation, why is it considered wrong??

This is the husband half of the funcouple and I have never been able to get a straight answer to the question of, if your partner is getting completely fulfilled why is it wrong to masturbate? My wife and I will openly admit the we are both sexual addicts and are very happy to be married to each other. She is away on a business trip and I have been watching porn and jacking off for several hours. We had sex several times this week and had a nice long session just before she left. I think I speak for a lot of guy who consider a night of self-pleasuring. porn and a few beers completely harmless. I hope this post does not offend but like I said I have never gotten a good answer and maybe we can get a discussion going.
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post #2 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-29-2019, 05:53 PM
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Re: masturbation, why is it considered wrong??

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Originally Posted by funcouple View Post
if your partner is getting completely fulfilled why is it wrong to masturbate?
There are some ways in which it can be wrong:

1) done without the knowledge of your partner;

2) when it interferes with normal sex as a couple;

3) when the partner is being hurt emotionally by it;

I'm one who says that even watching porn, as long as porn is understood to be the fantasy it is, is not especially harmful.

When the wanker finds himself putting a red "s" on his chest and jumping out 10th story windows.... then I would have to say
he didn't understand that Superman was a fantasy.

Likewise, if he expects himself or his partner to perform sexually like the people in porn..... he's jumping out windows....and the
results will be a disaster.
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post #3 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-29-2019, 07:44 PM
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Re: masturbation, why is it considered wrong??

Ok, I'll bite. How does one get banned after a single (only mildly grammatically incorrect) post on masturbation in September?

Anyway...

The reasons I've gotten from others on why not to masturbate have varied depending on my age, but it was usually some variation of "it takes away from your relationship with [God, your family, your partner, etc.]

Only one person ever tried the non-guilt-tripping route by telling me to google Peyronie's disease. Smart man.

To be fair, "if" your partner is getting completely fulfilled, then masturbation (for either partner) shouldn't be an issue. Honestly, I feel like most negativity about masturbation is driven towards *what* the person in question is masturbating to and whether it's unrealistic or degrading, than the masturbation itself.

(edit: although, after some thought, I guess it's fair to reply that masturbation in a relationship is often interpreted by the other partner as a rejection or statement of sexual inability- although those things, by definition, would mean that a partner is NOT getting completely fulfilled.)

But it's up to communication because, like a lot of other sex in marriage topics, that's a big "if". And I'd find all the things @TJW listed above understandable to bring up.

Last edited by fto0293; 10-29-2019 at 07:51 PM. Reason: thought of something else and wasn't sure if it merited an entire additional post
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post #4 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-29-2019, 08:31 PM
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Re: masturbation, why is it considered wrong??

Many people don't think it so - but............

In my experience the reasons people will give include

selfishness - though they will, I'm sure, see nothing wrong in eating alone if their partner is absent. Provided the partner isn't underfed as a result..................

it induces a lack of self respect - you'll have to ask them how that works

sex is not for fun - since masturbation is incapable of leading to pregnancy it is against some deity or another's rules.

there are even some (I suspect a noisy few) who claim that it is a form of homosexuality (YouTube!) - and guess what - they think homosexuality is against some deity or another's rules.

I'm sure there are many other alleged reasons - I suspect that the underlying reason is somewhere near the desire to control others' behaviour through manufactured guilt/attempting to ignore their own lack of self-esteem by finding a way, any way, to create an illusion of their superiority over another human being.

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post #5 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-29-2019, 08:42 PM
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Re: masturbation, why is it considered wrong??

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Originally Posted by fto0293 View Post
Ok, I'll bite. How does one get banned after a single (only mildly grammatically incorrect) post on masturbation in September?

Anyway...

The reasons I've gotten from others on why not to masturbate have varied depending on my age, but it was usually some variation of "it takes away from your relationship with [God, your family, your partner, etc.]

Only one person ever tried the non-guilt-tripping route by telling me to google Peyronie's disease. Smart man.

To be fair, "if" your partner is getting completely fulfilled, then masturbation (for either partner) shouldn't be an issue. Honestly, I feel like most negativity about masturbation is driven towards *what* the person in question is masturbating to and whether it's unrealistic or degrading, than the masturbation itself.

(edit: although, after some thought, I guess it's fair to reply that masturbation in a relationship is often interpreted by the other partner as a rejection or statement of sexual inability- although those things, by definition, would mean that a partner is NOT getting completely fulfilled.)

But it's up to communication because, like a lot of other sex in marriage topics, that's a big "if". And I'd find all the things @TJW listed above understandable to bring up.
Oh, it was much, much more than this post..Trust me.
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post #6 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-29-2019, 09:13 PM
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Re: masturbation, why is it considered wrong??

Wait...WHAT?!?!

Everyone doesn't really think masturbating if your partner is fulfilled is wrong....do they...??

What if YOU are not fulfilled and you don't want to pester your partner....? That is committing a relationship-wrong?

WHY???
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post #7 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-29-2019, 09:13 PM
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Re: masturbation, why is it considered wrong??

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Oh, it was much, much more than this post..Trust me.
Ah. Now that you mention it, I guess it wouldn't be strange for a banned user to have some of their posts deleted.
Must not have lurked too hard during that period, but I'm guessing I didn't miss much of value.
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post #8 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-29-2019, 10:10 PM
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Re: masturbation, why is it considered wrong??

For me its what accompanies the masturbation that makes it ok or not. For us porn is a no no, but masturbation in itself is ok say if one partner is away for a fair time or is ill for a time. If it gets to be an addiction which it easily can do, that isn't good either.
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post #9 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-29-2019, 10:20 PM
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Re: masturbation, why is it considered wrong??

This is a zombie thread by a one time now banned poster, but Iíll play along, honestly.

In my marriage itís not considered wrong, but Iím not allowed to cum on her hair, thatís the one rule. Boobs, tummy, butt are OK, face is not off limits per se, but a bit close to the forbidden hair so we donít go there.



What seems to work for us: 75% giving a crap about each other, 20% sex & 5% not committing homicide.
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post #10 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-30-2019, 03:38 AM
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Re: masturbation, why is it considered wrong??

masturbation, why is it considered wrong??


Why is it considered wrong BY SOME ........ may have been a better statement.

It's not wrong in our marriage but it's also not something we have given much head space or consideration .... it just is what it is and nothing more.
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post #11 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-30-2019, 07:46 AM
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Re: masturbation, why is it considered wrong??

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Originally Posted by fto0293 View Post
Ok, I'll bite. How does one get banned after a single (only mildly grammatically incorrect) post on masturbation in September?
How did the OP on this thread get banned?

The poster is a troll with multiple accounts, posts inappropriate photos (naked and/or mostly naked), etc. Mostly this troll is here to talk about their fetishes. That's not the purpose of TAM. The offending posts/threads were deleted when each of their accounts were banned.

Basically this poster is not welcome on TAM.

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Last edited by EleGirl; 10-31-2019 at 12:05 AM.
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post #12 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-30-2019, 08:36 AM
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Re: masturbation, why is it considered wrong??

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Originally Posted by EleGirl View Post
How did the OP on this thread get banned?

The poster is a troll with multiple accounts, posts inappropriate photos (naked and/or mostly naked), etc. Mostly this troll is here to talk about their fetishes. That's not the purpose of TAM. The offending posts/threads were deleted when each of their accounts were banned.

Basically this poster is not welcome on TAM.
Thank you for the explanation.


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Last edited by EleGirl; 10-31-2019 at 12:06 AM. Reason: fixed word error in my quoted post
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post #13 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-30-2019, 08:45 AM
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Re: masturbation, why is it considered wrong??

If it's ok with the two people in that marriage, then it isn't wrong for THEM - and that's all that matters....in my opinion.

It shouldn't be considered a blanket "wrong" for every marriage. Some couples do just fine with that going on, and as long as all other needs are being met, and there is no compulsion, I see no harm in it.
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post #14 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-31-2019, 05:35 AM
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Re: masturbation, why is it considered wrong??

I don't think that this is wrong. But in most cases it depends on your partner, there are days when my wife is on a business trip and I am telling her that I fapped, she is getting mad on my, but I can easily make her to excuse me just by pleasuring her several times.
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