couple needs prayer for their marriage - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-10-2019, 08:42 PM Thread Starter
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couple needs prayer for their marriage

I have never started a post before, this will probably be my only one.

There are two related threads on SurvivingInfidelity dot com currently. Husband's thread is in the Just Found Out forum and is titled "Lost My Best Friend". Wife's thread is in Wayward Side forum and is titled "I destroyed my husband". The story is she is a teacher and had an 6 month affair with a student's father. She was in the fog and tried to deny and cover up at first but now seems to have seen the light as to what she was going to lose. Today he decided to give her another chance. She has been writing all the "right things" showing regret and remorse in her thread. He has been broken and semi-suicidal but has stayed with us because they have a 5 year old daughter he doesn't want to check out on. They both appear to love each other. They have not been reading each others thread / comments.

I know a lot of these stories are fictional, but if there is any chance that these are real people, they need prayers for their marriage. If anyone believes that prayer will help.

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post #2 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-10-2019, 09:05 PM
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You got it.
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post #3 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-10-2019, 09:08 PM
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Re: couple needs prayer for their marriage

Quote:
Originally Posted by Edmund View Post
I have never started a post before, this will probably be my only one.

There are two related threads on SurvivingInfidelity dot com currently. Husband's thread is in the Just Found Out forum and is titled "Lost My Best Friend". Wife's thread is in Wayward Side forum and is titled "I destroyed my husband". The story is she is a teacher and had an 6 month affair with a student's father. She was in the fog and tried to deny and cover up at first but now seems to have seen the light as to what she was going to lose. Today he decided to give her another chance. She has been writing all the "right things" showing regret and remorse in her thread. He has been broken and semi-suicidal but has stayed with us because they have a 5 year old daughter he doesn't want to check out on. They both appear to love each other. They have not been reading each others thread / comments.

I know a lot of these stories are fictional, but if there is any chance that these are real people, they need prayers for their marriage. If anyone believes that prayer will help.
He hasn't been reading hers. From her posts, I'm pretty sure she has read his. He has my prayers that he makes the right decision for him. Sorry, but she only gets my hope that she gets her **** together and gives him the whole truth.

"But I'm trying, Ringo. I'm trying real hard to be the shepherd."

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post #4 of 17 (permalink) Old 08-17-2019, 11:39 AM Thread Starter
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Re: couple needs prayer for their marriage

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He hasn't been reading hers. From her posts, I'm pretty sure she has read his. He has my prayers that he makes the right decision for him. Sorry, but she only gets my hope that she gets her **** together and gives him the whole truth.
She has pulled out all the stops and said and done all the right things and has many commenters over there believing in her. They are both currently in the "hysterical bonding and love bombing phase". I predict he will divorce her after this runs its course. He will eventually realize she is open to an "upgrade" if and when another "better" man comes into her life (hypergamy). She tried out the first guy, but he would not leave his family (typically he was only looking for a side piece).

He should not have to compete with other men just to keep his wife. He will realize this and their love story will be over. This will be sad for their child.
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post #5 of 17 (permalink) Old 12-06-2019, 04:32 PM Thread Starter
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Re: couple needs prayer for their marriage

Update on this sad story: The couple in question are now living separately. She is living in a nearby apartment and they share physical custody of their 5 year old daughter. He has prepared divorce papers but hasn't filed them yet because of his continuing love for her. He was leaning on taking her back until she voluntarily took a polygraph test and as a result spilled her guts about the affair. He now knows most of the truth and it is so horrible he can not bear to have her around all the time. So she voluntarily moved out. She continued to beg, plead and try to make amends in various ways hoping he would take her back up until Thanksgiving. Since then, she seems to have finally given up and is currently working on her own issues with therapy and yoga. She posts occasionally in Wayward forum. He has given up posting in SI, abandoning threads in Just Found Out and Separation and Divorce fora.

It turns out she is very self centered and is a convincing and charming pathological liar. She had most of the commenters on SI completely fooled and "on her side" including some of the hardened betrayed vets of infidelity. A few however, found her story to be incredible. It is a very sad situation. They will probably divorce, and that is probably the best outcome.
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post #6 of 17 (permalink) Old 12-06-2019, 05:45 PM
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Re: couple needs prayer for their marriage

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Originally Posted by Edmund View Post
She has pulled out all the stops and said and done all the right things and has many commenters over there believing in her. They are both currently in the "hysterical bonding and love bombing phase". I predict he will divorce her after this runs its course. He will eventually realize she is open to an "upgrade" if and when another "better" man comes into her life (hypergamy). She tried out the first guy, but he would not leave his family (typically he was only looking for a side piece).

He should not have to compete with other men just to keep his wife. He will realize this and their love story will be over. This will be sad for their child.
Edmund, I will prey, however...

I don't know if you have read both threads, the initial and the subsequent...

But you understand that she lied to her H, her Friends, and EVERYONE on SI.

Everyone from the start told her, "look we know you are lying"...

For those that don't know, her primary lie and TT was that they did not have sex. Opps, yeah they did, a bunch and she lied about it until her took he to get a poly and she then confessed to the examiner.

Now, frankly, she has not done everything, or really anything, that she should have and was told to do.

He had enough and kicked her out, just like she deserved.

Based on her latest posts, she seems to me that she is 1) sorry she got caught, 2) feels sorry for herself, and 3) deep down she feels entitled...

I will prey, I actually have, but brother she is getting what she deserves... God Help her...
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post #7 of 17 (permalink) Old 12-06-2019, 10:02 PM
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Re: couple needs prayer for their marriage

Yep and another anecdote as to why some spouses need the polygraph whether it is reliable or not.
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post #8 of 17 (permalink) Old 12-06-2019, 10:53 PM
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Re: couple needs prayer for their marriage

Sometimes I believe that God permits a marriage to end when there is behaviour like this. She has long since broken the marriage covenant, and its now being made legal.
I do believe that marriage generally is very much under attack and that we all need to pray for our own marriages and others marriages.
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post #9 of 17 (permalink) Old 12-07-2019, 01:32 AM Thread Starter
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Re: couple needs prayer for their marriage

Blues Power I agree with you. It looks like you replied to my previous (August) post (she had me fooled as well, then). My post today is an update. Diana you are correct. Here are what I think are the important points to try to understand this sad story (which of course could be fake).

1) She is a victim of family chilhood sexual abuse.
2) He comes from a broken home.
3) They married young.
4) Early in their marriage they tried swinging (both in agreement to try this).
5) He said it was his mistake to lead her into swinging.
6) She said they had only one swinging rule which was ... soft swap only (look it up if you don't know what this means).
7) She said he broke the rule right in front of her (went to full swap at a house party), and she says this upset her greatly and took her a long time to get over, but she says she eventually forgave him.
8) He said this was simply part of the "lifestyle", but they stopped participating after the incident.
9) He says he treated her badly in the early years but came to appreciate and love her more in recent years.
10) She says she wants more children and that he doesn't.
11) He got a vasectomy.
12) She met the father of a student at the school where she was teaching, they were supposed to start a chess club. This father has a wife and two children.
13) She had an extensive emotional and physical affair with this man (the OM) over a 5 month period. It appears that he is a serial cheater.
14) Her husband suspected her infidelity due to the number of text messages between them and the fact that she wanted to, and did, baby sit his two children (girls).
15) She lied to husband at that time and continued the affair.
16) She continued to lie until her husband got proof and confronted the OM in a physical altercation, which both describe as husband beating the OM up.
17) Husband informed OM wife, and subsequently OM dropped her to try to go back to his family.
18) Husband left her, then came back and asked her to leave which she did for a short time.
19) Husband then relented and let her move back in, because of her pleading and promises, but he did not know the full truth of the affair at that time, as she had minimized greatly.
20) She continued to trickle truth, but stuck to her story. She posted a lot on SI, trying to get the commenters over their to convince husband to take her back.
21) Eventually husband set up a polygraph. This resulted in 2 "parking lot confessions" and the poly examiner got even more out of her.
22) According to husband, the physical affair was far more extensive and more than husband (or anyone really) could get over.
23) He asked her for a trial separation, which she accepted in the hope that he would heal and eventually take her back.
24) He had petition for divorce drawn (or mediation), but hasn't filed because he says he still loves her despite what she did.
25) She continued to express her sorrow on SI until Thanksgiving. Since then she has very different posts that seem to indicate she gave up on the fiction that she loves him.

My conclusions, that could be wrong of course.
1) From the swinging incident, she learned an important life lesson from husband: That it is OK to screw someone other than your spouse if you want to bad enough.
2) Getting a vasectomy is somewhat permanent, and this is equivalent to taking her cherished dream of more children out in the driveway and stomping on it and then backing the pickup truck over it a few times for good measure.
3) I think that after the vasectomy, she resolved to begin considering men to replace her husband. Men that either already had children, or willing to impregnate her.
4) The OM was a man that in her opinion seemed at the time to be a good candidate to replace her husband.
5) The lengthy affair was a result of her relationship building and trying out both him and his children for a future family.
6) She convinced herself that husband did not care about her and would be OK with her leaving him for OM when the time came. She probably thought she would get full custody of her daughter and would have the opportunity to parent OM's two daughters.
7) She willingly engaged in every kind of sexual acts with OM in order to maintain his interest in her.
8) When husband first confronted, she lied because she felt she needed more time to assess the OM before leaving with him.
9) OM was "future faking" her.
10) When OM dumped her, she became desperate to get back with her husband, rug-sweep, lying, pretending she loved him, and writing really beautiful prose on SI Wayward forum, which fooled almost everyone. She could be a romance novel author if she wanted.
11) This is a case of monkey-branch-swinging. But she did not have a solid grip on OM, and lost her grip on husband, and has now fallen to the jungle floor.

Well, I have wasted a lot of time on this, so I am not going to post on this thread anymore. It is a sad story. The cheating is not justified by any of the events above, it is never justified. But the events explain, I think, why it happened.
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post #10 of 17 (permalink) Old 12-07-2019, 03:09 AM
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Re: couple needs prayer for their marriage

I lurk on SI and am very aware of the situation you described.

I don't have much to add to your write-up except that I sincerely wish they are not real people but sadly believe they are.

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post #11 of 17 (permalink) Old 12-18-2019, 05:48 AM
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Re: couple needs prayer for their marriage

One thing is clear, Edmund, you were certainly invested in this sad tale.

I could give up chocolate but I'm not a quitter.
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post #12 of 17 (permalink) Old 12-28-2019, 10:08 PM Thread Starter
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Re: couple needs prayer for their marriage

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One thing is clear, Edmund, you were certainly invested in this sad tale.
Yes true. I need to stop reading these sites. It is like watching a car wreck.

Happy New Year Blondi
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post #13 of 17 (permalink) Old 12-28-2019, 11:18 PM
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Re: couple needs prayer for their marriage

Divorce seems like the clear choice. It's sad for them but some people should just not be married. They both don't seem responsible enough. When something so sacred is disregarded like garbage, to have there be no consequences for that diminishes it value, marriage and society in general. Marriages that stay together with abuse like this in them is actually a part of the problem.

You hear all the time that the BS has to eat a **** sandwich, but most of the time the WS -- IS the **** sandwich.
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post #14 of 17 (permalink) Old 12-29-2019, 04:22 PM
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Re: couple needs prayer for their marriage

@Edmund, I haven't read the thread on SI, but I did read your analysis.

It is just another example of what to do to ruin your marriage, or what not to do to keep your marriage.

People want to play with fire, then they complain about getting burnt.

I didn't pray for them. I think that God sometimes takes his hands off a situation when people are going their own way anyway. He lets them reep what they have sown.
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post #15 of 17 (permalink) Old 01-20-2020, 11:11 PM
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Re: couple needs prayer for their marriage

Praying tonight and throughout! keep us updated

-two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I--I took the one less traveled by and that has made all the difference.
Robert Frost
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