The Importance of Alpha? - Page 24 - Talk About Marriage
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post #346 of 703 (permalink) Old 08-12-2015, 03:30 PM
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Re: The Importance of Alpha?

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Originally Posted by Faithful Wife View Post
We can agree to disagree, I guess. Because I personally don't believe that advice is good for most guys.

More tailored advice for their specific personality types without encouraging them to be different than they really are is better, IMO.
It is probably not good advice for all men, but, imo, it is good advice to pretty much all married/LTR men who are not having 'frequent' sex.
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post #347 of 703 (permalink) Old 08-12-2015, 03:36 PM
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Originally Posted by Faithful Wife View Post
We can agree to disagree, I guess. Because I personally don't believe that advice is good for most guys.

More tailored advice for their specific personality types without encouraging them to be different than they really are is better, IMO.
It is probably not good advice for all men, but, imo, it is good advice to pretty much all married/LTR men who are not having 'frequent' sex.
My opinion is that those men should stop blaming their wives for being themselves, and they should admit they are in a mismatched relationship and seek out a better matched one.
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post #348 of 703 (permalink) Old 08-12-2015, 04:59 PM
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Re: The Importance of Alpha?

Greetings!

Hmmm...I didn't realize that what I said was so provocative and "avant garde". Lol.

It's simple.
*in general*, women are more attracted to men that are muscular and in good shape.
*in general*, women are attracted to men that look good, and dress well.
*in general*, women are attracted to masculine men. *in general*, women are attracted to charming, sociable men.
*in general*, women are attracted to gainfully employed men that have good potential to provide.

*in general*, men that embrace such attributes will be happier, more successful, in relationships with women than men that do not embrace such attributes.

Are such truths so provocative? To me, they seem quite self evident and easily observed reality.
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post #349 of 703 (permalink) Old 08-12-2015, 05:02 PM
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Re: The Importance of Alpha?

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Greetings!

Hmmm...I didn't realize that what I said was so provocative and "avant garde". Lol.

It's simple.
*in general*, women are more attracted to men that are muscular and in good shape.
*in general*, women are attracted to men that look good, and dress well.
*in general*, women are attracted to masculine men. *in general*, women are attracted to charming, sociable men.
*in general*, women are attracted to gainfully employed men that have good potential to provide.

*in general*, men that embrace such attributes will be happier, more successful, in relationships with women than men that do not embrace such attributes.

Are such truths so provocative? To me, they seem quite self evident and easily observed reality.
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the reason that feminists don't like this, is it implies that women can't control everything, including who they are attracted to...
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post #350 of 703 (permalink) Old 08-12-2015, 05:06 PM
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Re: The Importance of Alpha?

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*in general*, men that embrace such attributes will be happier, more successful, in relationships with women than men that do not embrace such attributes.
I would say that in general, these men may have more dates and a higher partner count...but not that they are more successful in relationships. They will be divorced at a rate of 50% just like everyone else.
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post #351 of 703 (permalink) Old 08-12-2015, 05:23 PM
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Re: The Importance of Alpha?

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However, as we are told on TAM all the time, the average man is attracted to the average woman....
No. Everyone is attracted to the good looking types. The average looking ones tend to settle for each other. That does not mean the person they are with is the person they truly desire.

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so really, there's no one standing out in the rain with no one to love.
Not the emotional experience of many males outside the "good looking" camp. For females, it is frequently the case that they get plenty of offers, but not so many from males they are interested in. For males, it is frequently the case that they are not getting many offers at all. In that situation, it often feels like they ARE standing in the rain with no one to love. Which leads to becoming desperately attached to whichever female eventually shows a willingness to consent. While ignoring the red flags that she is not truly attracted to him sexually. But is merely using him for stability, emotional comfort, financial assistance, parenting assistance, etc. Anything except sexual fulfillment.

Same as women who have sex with a hot guy they just met because they finally got an offer from someone they wanted. And then they are surprised to find that he was just using her for sex.

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If one particular man is having trouble finding a lover or partner, I'd say that one particular man has one particular set of issues of his own that is preventing him from finding what he wants.
Correct. We are suggesting that an excess of beta and a lack of alpha is a likely candidate for the particular set of issues the man must overcome.
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post #352 of 703 (permalink) Old 08-12-2015, 05:27 PM
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Re: The Importance of Alpha?

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No. Everyone is attracted to the good looking types. The average looking ones tend to settle for each other. That does not mean the person they are with is the person they truly desire.
If you are speaking for yourself here, great.

If you are speaking for others, I disagree and find your statement offensive and ridiculous. I know many "average" people who are highly attracted to their "average" spouses and significant others. You don't speak for them.
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post #353 of 703 (permalink) Old 08-12-2015, 08:11 PM
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Ooh ooh ooh! Al Pacino..."Scarface".

ALPHA!
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post #354 of 703 (permalink) Old 08-12-2015, 08:22 PM
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the reason that feminists don't like this, is it implies that women can't control everything, including who they are attracted to...
I'll tell you the real reason it's annoying so you can blow it off again--FW actually said it already:

Quote:
More tailored advice for their specific personality types without encouraging them to be different than they really are is better, IMO.
On my time spent here, more often than not, I see failure not when someone isn't alpha enough but when they try to become someone who they clearly aren't and resent every step of the process.

I see more personal success when a person gets real with themselves and their situation and acts accordingly.
Exactly...so..."Say hello to my little friend."
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post #355 of 703 (permalink) Old 08-12-2015, 08:44 PM
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Re: The Importance of Alpha?

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the reason that feminists don't like this, is it implies that women can't control everything, including who they are attracted to...
Since you aren't a feminist and based on your posts have literally no clue what feminists think or why they think it, perhaps you could stick to talking about what YOU don't like and what YOU think.

Hope this helps.
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post #356 of 703 (permalink) Old 08-12-2015, 09:01 PM
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Re: The Importance of Alpha?

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I would say that in general, these men may have more dates and a higher partner count...but not that they are more successful in relationships. They will be divorced at a rate of 50% just like everyone else.
And where is the data that supports the theory that you hope to be correct?
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post #357 of 703 (permalink) Old 08-12-2015, 09:04 PM
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Re: The Importance of Alpha?

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And where is the data that supports the theory that you hope to be correct?
Information on Divorce Rate Statistics
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post #358 of 703 (permalink) Old 08-12-2015, 11:35 PM
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Re: The Importance of Alpha?

So let's look at the original post. Truster was arrogant and selfish at the beginning. His wife mistook these for confidence and strength. Not because she's a woman but because she's a human. Let's face it, arrogance look a whole lot like confidence and selfishness looks a lot like someone with boundaries. As his false confidence was exposed and he attempted to become less selfish, he became less attractive to her. Of course she re-wrote history to say he was less attentive because that's what we do.

So truster matured and wasn't so selfish and arrogant but in doing so he exposed that he was never confident but only arrogant and he never set hard solid boundaries but had done whatever he wanted. The problem (truster's problem) is that his actions originally looked similar to actions of someone with confidence and principle but those are character traits he didn't have (yet). Yes him continually conceding ground was a bad thing. Yes him being bossed around was a bad thing (for either gender). Yes him not going ape-sh~t crazy when she ridiculed him was a bad thing (for either gender).

So to Truster's original question to long term marrieds, here is my answer:
- No you do not need to continue to make a conscious effort to maintain alpha status in order to keep respect and fidelity sacred. What you need to do is make a conscious effort to maintain your boundaries and if the person you're with takes you from granted or demoralizes you then you pack their suit case. These trait associated with alpha are just symptoms of a guy who has his sh~t together. Women who have their sh~t together display similar symptoms but there just isn't a label to attach it to.
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post #359 of 703 (permalink) Old 08-13-2015, 08:34 AM
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Re: The Importance of Alpha?

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My opinion is that those men should stop blaming their wives for being themselves, and they should admit they are in a mismatched relationship and seek out a better matched one.
I don't see how my post is the men blaming their wives. It is quite the contrary. MMSL or NMMNG talk about men changing to get what they want, not just b*tching about how horrible their wives are.

So bail, just because once a week isn't enough? Seems crazy to me, especially if it used to be much more frequent.
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post #360 of 703 (permalink) Old 08-13-2015, 12:11 PM
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Re: The Importance of Alpha?

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I don't think this is true...what really happens is that good looking men and good looking women end up together.

So if what you really meant was that good looking men have access to more good looking women than average looking men do, you are correct.

However, as we are told on TAM all the time, the average man is attracted to the average woman....so really, there's no one standing out in the rain with no one to love.

Being that we have to sterilize ourselves and use birth control and constantly worry about over populating the planet, and also being that MOST of us are truly average looking....I still do not see the point you are trying to make.

Lovely, wonderful and totally average people are everywhere, loving each other, having sex, coupling, getting married, and having children. There has never been a shortage of people to love or have sex with, and there never will be.

If one particular man is having trouble finding a lover or partner, I'd say that one particular man has one particular set of issues of his own that is preventing him from finding what he wants.
Greetings!

No one is being left out in the rain? Lol. There are many single men that are drowning in a flood of tears, frustration, and desperate hopelessness from being rejected by women on a constant basis. On better days, these men console themselves with the sparse comfort that beyond a few polite platitudes, most women ignore them entirely.

These men--in general--do not have some special snowflake set of particular problems that prevent them from being successful in relationships with women. Their problems are not extraordinary, unique--or insurmountable.

These men can experience an entirely new world of social acceptance, romantic relationships, and greater joy in life by embracing "alpha" attributes.
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