Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn - Page 38 - Talk About Marriage
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post #556 of 675 (permalink) Old 02-19-2019, 03:52 PM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

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I respect peoples views on porn that it is a grey area if married. However, if it approaches a sexless marriage, which I view as less than 2x/week personally, then I think they are just blithering hypocrites.
I used to also (bolded). But I changed my tune when I thought about body sovereignty. I know for many, many people, porn isn't related to ones sex life all that much, if at all. And it is, in my opinion, very, very wrong to require the removal of something from someone that they have done their whole lives. For all that, since it is good for the male plumbing, it is even more important.
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post #557 of 675 (permalink) Old 02-19-2019, 04:00 PM
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Originally Posted by UpsideDownWorld11 View Post
I respect peoples views on porn that it is a grey area if married. However, if it approaches a sexless marriage, which I view as less than 2x/week personally, then I think they are just blithering hypocrites.
I used to also (bolded). But I changed my tune when I thought about body sovereignty. I know for many, many people, porn isn't related to ones sex life all that much, if at all. And it is, in my opinion, very, very wrong to require the removal of something from someone that they have done their whole lives. For all that, since it is good for the male plumbing, it is even more important.
Thats fine, my XW could have cared less and once we entered the dead bedroom phase it was a staple in my life. My new lady keeps me satisfied so I hardly touch it, but she isn't so carefree about it. But I think it has more to do with her body insecurities than the actualy morality of it. Which is fine, as long as she keeps up her end of the bargain...
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post #558 of 675 (permalink) Old 02-19-2019, 04:04 PM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

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Thats fine, my XW could have cared less and once we entered the dead bedroom phase it was a staple in my life. My new lady keeps me satisfied so I hardly touch it, but she isn't so carefree about it. But I think it has more to do with her body insecurities than the actualy morality of it. Which is fine, as long as she keeps up her end of the bargain...
I think what I object to is the trend of women's either low self esteem or lack of understanding making this an issue for their husbands. Doesn't sound like a problem for you. Yay!
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post #559 of 675 (permalink) Old 02-19-2019, 04:13 PM
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Thats fine, my XW could have cared less and once we entered the dead bedroom phase it was a staple in my life. My new lady keeps me satisfied so I hardly touch it, but she isn't so carefree about it. But I think it has more to do with her body insecurities than the actualy morality of it. Which is fine, as long as she keeps up her end of the bargain...
I think what I object to is the trend of women's either low self esteem or lack of understanding making this an issue for their husbands. Doesn't sound like a problem for you. Yay!
I have to admit, I am slightly worried as I think she will eventually need a hysterectomy sometime in the future due to her endometriosis...
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post #560 of 675 (permalink) Old 02-19-2019, 04:17 PM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

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I have to admit, I am slightly worried as I think she will eventually need a hysterectomy sometime in the future due to her endometriosis...
Why would that be a problem? Healing time?
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post #561 of 675 (permalink) Old 02-19-2019, 04:19 PM
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I have to admit, I am slightly worried as I think she will eventually need a hysterectomy sometime in the future due to her endometriosis...
Why would that be a problem? Healing time?
No, a side effect of hysterectomy is a low sex drive. I don't think this is always the case though.
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post #562 of 675 (permalink) Old 02-19-2019, 04:20 PM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

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No, a side effect of hysterectomy is a low sex drive. I don't think this is always the case though.
It is definitely not always the case. Ask me how I know. I was given the option to take my eggs or not. Since they were not the problem, I went with not.
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post #563 of 675 (permalink) Old 02-19-2019, 04:22 PM
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No, a side effect of hysterectomy is a low sex drive. I don't think this is always the case though.
It is definitely not always the case. Ask me how I know. :-) I was given the option to take my eggs or not. Since they were not the problem, I went with not.
Haha. Well good to hear. Hopefully it works out (for both of us 😉 )
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post #564 of 675 (permalink) Old 02-19-2019, 05:18 PM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

One thing I think we all need to keep in mind is that porn is not just one singular thing. Visual erotica/porn/XXX whatever you want to call it is as diverse as human sexuality itself.

Some is silly. Some is completely unrealistic. Some is very realistic right down to the bunions and butt pimples and some is highly erotic and romantic.

Some things I find completely gross and disgusting and I am pretty darn sex-positive and open minded.

And if you were to hook up @Diana7 to a variety of physiological monitors and have her watch certain scenes, her body would register a high state of sexual arousal even though she would be saying it was wrong and bad.

The anti porn crusaders would have everyone believe that every scene is an underage, human trafficking victim that is being exploited.

Someone who's looked into that world at all will quickly realize that that may happen from time to time in the 3rd world, the vast majority of western porn is completely consensual and well compensated.

Porn is many things to many people. Some a source of vitriol and disgust. Some a source of arousal and titilation, some a source of art and beauty.

One cannot say that it is all bad and neither can one say that it is all good for it is a million different things.
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post #565 of 675 (permalink) Old 02-19-2019, 05:45 PM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

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.

Someone who's looked into that world at all will quickly realize that that may happen from time to time in the 3rd world, the vast majority of western porn is completely consensual and well compensated.
I would be interested in a cite to support that as well!
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post #566 of 675 (permalink) Old 02-19-2019, 06:17 PM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

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#

I know many. Including my husband.
I have just proof-read a thesis for a pHD which essentially touched on how certain CofE churches tried to appeal to men (because statistically it is 70% female) by offering talks on pornography. When a group of men were asked for feedback they basically said that the talks were simply female view on male sexuality in which none of the interviewees could relate. And so the pew population remains sparse and dwindling.

I think there is a certain amount of head in sand regarding modern-day pornography and the relationshiop men have with it. I hurt myself if I just ignore it.
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post #567 of 675 (permalink) Old 02-19-2019, 06:27 PM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

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Lots of marally ambivalent people out there, even 68% of Christian men use porn.
I have read reports that say far less than that. However even if its 50% who do(which I read recently) that still leaves countless millions or Christians who don't. Far far less than the general population.
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post #568 of 675 (permalink) Old 02-19-2019, 06:30 PM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

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I have just proof-read a thesis for a pHD which essentially touched on how certain CofE churches tried to appeal to men (because statistically it is 70% female) by offering talks on pornography. When a group of men were asked for feedback they basically said that the talks were simply female view on male sexuality in which none of the interviewees could relate. And so the pew population remains sparse and dwindling.

I think there is a certain amount of head in sand regarding modern-day pornography and the relationshiop men have with it. I hurt myself if I just ignore it.
I think the fact that there are more women than men in the C of E has nothing to do with groups talking about porn.
The sort of churches we go to have pretty equal numbers of men and women and are generally thriving.
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post #569 of 675 (permalink) Old 02-19-2019, 06:36 PM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

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One thing I think we all need to keep in mind is that porn is not just one singular thing. Visual erotica/porn/XXX whatever you want to call it is as diverse as human sexuality itself.

Some is silly. Some is completely unrealistic. Some is very realistic right down to the bunions and butt pimples and some is highly erotic and romantic.

Some things I find completely gross and disgusting and I am pretty darn sex-positive and open minded.

And if you were to hook up @Diana7 to a variety of physiological monitors and have her watch certain scenes, her body would register a high state of sexual arousal even though she would be saying it was wrong and bad.

The anti porn crusaders would have everyone believe that every scene is an underage, human trafficking victim that is being exploited.

Someone who's looked into that world at all will quickly realize that that may happen from time to time in the 3rd world, the vast majority of western porn is completely consensual and well compensated.

Porn is many things to many people. Some a source of vitriol and disgust. Some a source of arousal and titilation, some a source of art and beauty.

One cannot say that it is all bad and neither can one say that it is all good for it is a million different things.
What effect it may or may not have on my body makes no difference to the fact that for me, and for us both, its not something we want in our marriage for all sorts of reasons.Its not what we want to full our minds with.
We want our only focus to be on each other and not other people. We also don't want to be part of such an awful industry. All of those people are someone's daughter, son, wife, husband, sister, brother. As my husband says, they are not mine to look at.

Even as a young teenager finding my dad magazines I know that it wasn't something I wanted to be involved in, ever.

Last edited by Diana7; 02-19-2019 at 06:41 PM.
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post #570 of 675 (permalink) Old 02-19-2019, 06:39 PM
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Re: Wives (and husbands) who don't want their partner using porn

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I think the fact that there are more women than men in the C of E has nothing to do with groups talking about porn.
The sort of churches we go to have pretty equal numbers of men and women and are generally thriving.
I will pass your conclusions onto the woman who has dedicated 3 years of her life into researching gender in the church.
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