Sexless Relationship - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #16 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-12-2017, 06:01 PM
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Re: Sexless Relationship

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Originally Posted by Slartibartfast View Post
It really doesn't matter why. He's not providing an essential part of the relationship, and while he is aware it distresses you, he does not seek a resolution. You can't do anything to fix someone else's problem (or even make them accept that it's a problem). Therefore, if you want a sexual relationship you will have to move on to someone who can provide it.
Simple and to the point.
@SLM123 He's clearly got a sex drive if he's masturbating to porn a few times a week. For whatever reason, he's not interested in sex with you. You can spend years chasing your tail trying to discover and fix his problem, but it won't do you any good. The only person who can fix him is him and he doesn't want to or he'd have done something by now. Believe his actions, not his words.

No marriage, no kids, and no sex? No way in Hell would I stay in a platonic friendship masquerading as an adult romantic relationship.

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
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post #17 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-12-2017, 09:13 PM
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Re: Sexless Relationship

I think the pornography addiction shows he is capable of sex. His problem is with his interaction with you. To me that shows he really does not love you.

You two can say you love each other all you want, but he goes off and masturbates when he should be having sex with you. He says he loves you, but ignores your needs and fulfills only himself with porn babes.

That is not love.

You want to believe he loves you because it is driven into you that you two are married, therefor you two must love each other. His actions say he does not love you.
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post #18 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-12-2017, 10:55 PM
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Re: Sexless Relationship

I'm in a sexless marriage and my spouse has anxiety. It's frustrating for me because he refuses to work on himself or our marriage. I go back and forth about what I should do-- yes, I take care of myself and the kids are great so I just stay put...

If he is holding your hand and also seeing a therapist, I would consider that great. Maybe it will lead to more. I have read that anxiety can get worse as someone ages but then again it depends on the person.
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post #19 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-12-2017, 10:59 PM
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Re: Sexless Relationship

And my spouse uses porn.. After we married I noticed it more and more. I was upset but once kids came, I focused on them. He still is into it and I believe it's an addiction.
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post #20 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-12-2017, 11:01 PM
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Re: Sexless Relationship

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It really doesn't matter why. He's not providing an essential part of the relationship, and while he is aware it distresses you, he does not seek a resolution.
I find this to be the bigger slap in the face about a sexless marriage. It's one thing to not be desirable to your spouse. It's quite another to be not even worth the effort--that your feelings matter that little. This is the part I will never get over in my own situation. Don't let it get this far.
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post #21 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-13-2017, 02:01 AM Thread Starter
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[QUOTE=cc48kel;18797394]I'm in a sexless marriage and my spouse has anxiety. It's frustrating for me because he refuses to work on himself or our marriage. I go back and forth about what I should do-- yes, I take care of myself and the kids are great so I just stay put...

If he is holding your hand and also seeing a therapist, I would consider that great. Maybe it will lead to more. I have read that anxiety can get worse as someone ages but then again it depends on the person.



The reason why I have stayed (other than love) is that his anxiety is so bad his ruins other aspects of his life too.

Does your partner say that the anxiety is the whole reason for the no sex?

Mine says heís always so worried that he canít perform that he just canít initiate it anymore (I donít initiate due to the rejection now)
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post #22 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-13-2017, 08:47 AM
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Re: Sexless Relationship

Read through: https://www.yourbrainonporn.com

I read it yesterday and some some interesting things that keep popping up on this forum, and most likely related to your issue:

An Italian study found that 16% of high school seniors who consumed porn more than once a week experienced abnormally low sexual desire. Compare that to 0% of non-porn users reporting low sexual desire. The take away is that addiction is not required for either significant brain changes or negative effects.

Over time a porn userís brain can mistake feelings of anxiety or fear for feelings of sexual arousal. This helps explain why some porn users escalate into ever more shocking or anxiety invoking porn Ė as they need that extra neurochemical jolt just to become sexually aroused, or to orgasm.

Specifically, overstimulation has produced plastic changes in your brain, which make you less responsive to pleasureóand yet hyper-responsive to Internet porn. These addiction-related changes are called desensitization and sensitization, respectively. Together, they explain why porn does the job and your hot babe doesn't.

Glutamate stimulation is why porn can still ring your chimes even when your reward circuitry has stopped responding to dopamine and real partners.
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post #23 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-13-2017, 08:54 AM
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Re: Sexless Relationship

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And my spouse uses porn.. After we married I noticed it more and more. I was upset but once kids came, I focused on them. He still is into it and I believe it's an addiction.
My post above might give you some insight too ^^^^^
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post #24 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-13-2017, 09:10 AM
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Re: Sexless Relationship

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The reason why I have stayed (other than love) is that his anxiety is so bad his ruins other aspects of his life too.

Does your partner say that the anxiety is the whole reason for the no sex?

Mine says heís always so worried that he canít perform that he just canít initiate it anymore (I donít initiate due to the rejection now)
So you're staying in a sexless relationship because you partner has anxiety and needs you to take care of him? That sounds an awful lot like Knight in Shining Armor territory. These situations rarely, if ever, work out well for the KISA.

Is this what you want out of life long term? Do you plan on marriage and children? What would that look like with a man who is so anxious he can't have sex and who allows anxiety to ruin other aspects of his life, too?

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
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post #25 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-13-2017, 11:25 AM
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Re: Sexless Relationship

This is a tough one. Have you thought about cheating or seeing someone else for sex since it is obvious you are not getting it at home? That is an awful long time and it looks like he doesn't want to put that much work into it to fix it. If you have been thinking about it already then its only a matter of time.
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post #26 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-13-2017, 12:56 PM Thread Starter
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This is a tough one. Have you thought about cheating or seeing someone else for sex since it is obvious you are not getting it at home? That is an awful long time and it looks like he doesn't want to put that much work into it to fix it. If you have been thinking about it already then its only a matter of time.
To be honest I have had offers from ex boyfriends but not done anything about it, I really donít want to cheat but like you say it is a long time to go without sex.

He has said heíll do what it takes to get back on track but I suppose like with anyone suffering with mental health issues the pressure just makes things worse.

Everything else in the relationship is really good but I donít want to sacrifice having a sex life long term.
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post #27 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-13-2017, 01:00 PM
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Re: Sexless Relationship

Go have an affair. Maybe once you find out the grass is really greener, you'll take action and divorce this poor excuse of a man. He's probably such a puss, he'll be glad you are having an affair so he doesn't have to stick it in you ever again. You sure he isn't gay?

Anxiety?? Jeesh, give me a break. Does he have man boobs? Does he work out? Is he short? Is he bald? This guy has major issues and isn't doing anything to solve them.

I see no issues with having an affair when needs are not being met and the lacking spouse knows it. They have it coming. The affair will eventually lead to the relationship breaking apart, which sometimes is needed so people aren't in limbo for decades or when their life has already passed them by.
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post #28 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-13-2017, 01:04 PM Thread Starter
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Go have an affair. Maybe once you find out the grass is really greener, you'll take action and divorce this poor excuse of a man. He's probably such a puss, he'll be glad you are having an affair so he doesn't have to stick it in you ever again. You sure he isn't gay?

Anxiety?? Jeesh, give me a break. Does he have man boobs? Does he work out? Is he short? Is he bald? This guy has major issues and isn't doing anything to solve them.
This actually made me laugh out loud, thanks for lightening the mood ?
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post #29 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-13-2017, 01:05 PM
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Re: Sexless Relationship

Well you must be good or good looking to have offers for just sex from ex's. I would do some serious thinking I know I wouldn't want to live my life like that. Keep us updated please

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To be honest I have had offers from ex boyfriends but not done anything about it, I really donít want to cheat but like you say it is a long time to go without sex.

He has said heíll do what it takes to get back on track but I suppose like with anyone suffering with mental health issues the pressure just makes things worse.

Everything else in the relationship is really good but I donít want to sacrifice having a sex life long term.
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post #30 of 41 (permalink) Old 12-13-2017, 01:06 PM Thread Starter
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Well you must be good or good looking to have offers for just sex from ex's. I would do some serious thinking I know I wouldn't want to live my life like that. Keep us updated please

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Originally Posted by SLM123 View Post
To be honest I have had offers from ex boyfriends but not done anything about it, I really donít want to cheat but like you say it is a long time to go without sex.

He has said heíll do what it takes to get back on track but I suppose like with anyone suffering with mental health issues the pressure just makes things worse.

Everything else in the relationship is really good but I donít want to sacrifice having a sex life long term.
I will do, thanks for taking the time to respond
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