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I could be way off, I am just a stranger on the internet. But since you came here asking for advice, here it is.
Your question above is an example of the intensity that I am talking about.
It's just my experience, but I often interact with two people who have an anxiety disorder (one is PTSD and one is Generalized Anxiety Disorder); in both cases, they are nearly always turned up. It can be like talking with someone who is always talking loudly, but they don't know that they are talking loudly. It's like they can't modulate or miss certain social cues. Everything is always turned up; it can feel aggressive at times, even though there is no aggressive or ill intent at all.
In your case, it's like you don't see that asking if someone is masturbating is a socially awkward question. Just asking the question can be seen as hostile; as someone put it above, just asking if someone's hand is the cookie jar is the same as giving the side eye.
It's like someone asking a woman if she is changing a tampon or asking for the details of it. Most women, myself included, are not going to talk about it outside of very specific instances (like talking to a doctor or someone looking for guidance or advice.) It is not normal conversation.
So to most of us, the fact that your husband won't own up to rubbing one out is expected behavior. It is the molehill. The fact that you take it personally that he won't own up to is and you get upset is you making the mountain.
You don't see that you've made a mountain. You don't see that this level of questioning and your reaction is Turned Up. You don't view or experience it as Intense, probably because it is normal to you. To many of us, it can feel very intense.