I'm under no obligation - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #16 of 163 (permalink) Old 07-14-2018, 08:11 PM
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Re: I'm under no obligation

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I get you. I don't understand it. I don't understand the mind set.

In a marriage/LTR that is romantic, it seems to me that the norm is for it to include sex.

If I ever had wife (don't have one right not, thank god) or a GF tell me something like that.

I would say, OK, cool. Nice knowing you, see ya...
I agree that sex should be part of a marriage and/or other romantic relationship. But even in the best of relationships there are times when one or the other person does not want to have sex. And they have that right.

What is being suggested here is that if a person is in a relationship they can never say no. That's not acceptable.

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post #17 of 163 (permalink) Old 07-14-2018, 08:15 PM
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Re: I'm under no obligation

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I do agree with a lot of what you have said. If you are so selfish as to deny your spouse sex for long periods of time for no good reason then don't get married. Marriage is not just about us and our 'rights,' its about working on the marriage together, loving and respecting your spouse and doing what you can to make them happy. I do think that when you marry part of that marriage is fulfilling each others sexual needs. Obviously if their sexual desires are off the wall and you can't go along with them, or they want to bring in others, that's very different. If they are very demanding and controlling and forceful that wont make for a happy sex life either. Generally though in sex its giving as well as receiving, and for mutual benefit and to strengthen the marriage.

People are so selfish these days though. Its all about me me me and my rights and what 'I' want.
The OP is not only talking about someone withhold sex for a long period of time. He's saying that if he wants sex, it's his right to force his wife to have sex against her will. That's a completely different thing. This is the basis of old law that said that a man can never rape his wife because any sex with her, even forced sex is not rape. He has 100% to demand sex at any time.

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post #18 of 163 (permalink) Old 07-14-2018, 08:28 PM
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Re: I'm under no obligation

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That sex is expected in a marriage is reasonable, unless discussed prior.

Choose wisely….and if you can't do that, opt for MGTOW.
You don't need an unreasonable male support group to decide not to enter into situations that are untenable. You just need strength of character.

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post #19 of 163 (permalink) Old 07-14-2018, 08:36 PM
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Re: I'm under no obligation

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One thing that genuinely strikes me as odd is how often during these merry discussions about sex and relationships the statement that no one is under any obligation to have sex with anyone, and that no one has any right to have their sexual needs fulfilled, is brought up. Uhm, okay? To me, it seems like one of those things that, while it certainly is a perfectly ironclad statement, is also perfectly meaningless. I mean, you're in a sexless relationship, your partner clearly suffers, and your response is that sex is not a human right? Yeah, you sure sound like a lot of fun. Who the hell thinks about romantic relationships in terms of legal rights? There are no back rub regulations, no statutes concerning remembering someone's birthday, no ordinances with regards to hand-holding... nothing of value in a relationship is a right, so why even bring it up?

EDIT: I realize this might be OT. If so, delete the thread.
@EleGirl. I guess I was thinking that he meant he has a right to cheat, if he can find someone willing. Maybe I'm so used to seeing how easy infidelity is for most folks, rape of a spouse is not something I think of first.

I guess he won't be back to explain.

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post #20 of 163 (permalink) Old 07-14-2018, 09:42 PM
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Re: I'm under no obligation

@BluesPower
Not to threadjack, but shortish answers:

^How long did it take you to figure it out, and divorce.
*****
TOO long. 18 years to truly understand how much, by then, he actually despised me. Divorced after 25 years, but took me some time to prepare. I saw marriage as covenant with God. Kids insisted I leave while I was still alive--he had become more unstable when not in public, but ok mostly around others.
He did (unknowingly) teach me to take care of myself as everything from car repair to trips home from the hospital were on me. Doing the 'love me' dance, I became a gourmet cook, gardener, entertainer, managing to obtain HIGHER education, being still pretty decent to look at too. Most valuable to me is that I have never discussed this outside of counseling and I surrounded myself in a web of almost isolationist protection because I knew I would have been vulnerable to outside seductions.

Well now, NOT so shortish.
*****

And in general, why do people do this type of stuff. How sick is that. Be is a man or woman that "Changes" their mind or whatever about sex AFTER marriage. It happens a lot.

WHY?
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post #21 of 163 (permalink) Old 07-14-2018, 09:48 PM
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Re: I'm under no obligation

Any woman in a relationship with me is quite obligated to have sex with me but I'm under the same obligation.

Weird topic....
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post #22 of 163 (permalink) Old 07-14-2018, 10:08 PM
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Re: I'm under no obligation

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You don't need an unreasonable male support group to decide not to enter into situations that are untenable. You just need strength of character.
MGTOW isn't a male support group. It's a way of life.
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post #23 of 163 (permalink) Old 07-14-2018, 10:23 PM
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Re: I'm under no obligation

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MGTOW isn't a male support group. It's a way of life.
I thought it was a support group for men who choose a way of life. I guess I was mistaken.

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post #24 of 163 (permalink) Old 07-15-2018, 12:20 AM
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Re: I'm under no obligation

Wow, I was wondering when the angry and undatable misogynist party would get here. MGTOW = "I am afraid of women, but super horney at the same time. Guess I'll just despise all women because they don't want me".
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post #25 of 163 (permalink) Old 07-15-2018, 12:29 AM
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Wow, I was wondering when the angry and undatable misogynist party would get here. MGTOW = "I am afraid of women, but super horney at the same time. Guess I'll just despise all women because they don't want me".

MGTOWs like hookers because they never say no, they always leave after and they are cheaper in the long run 😉

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post #26 of 163 (permalink) Old 07-15-2018, 12:35 AM
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Wives should submit to their husbands. It's in the Old Testament, between the animal sacrifices and parting of the seas I think. Seriously though...

Last edited by UpsideDownWorld11; 07-15-2018 at 12:41 AM.
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post #27 of 163 (permalink) Old 07-15-2018, 01:58 AM
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Re: I'm under no obligation

I think the word "obligation" is not well enough defined for this conversation.

I suspect that almost everyone here agrees that anyone has the right to reject sex whenever they want, for any reason they want - anything else would be condoning rape.

At the same time I think most people will agree that if someone is not happy with their sex life they have a right to leave a relationship, subject to any appropriate laws on division of property etc.


I believe that regular sex is assumed in a marriage unless agreed to otherwise beforehand, and someone who constantly rejects their partner without some reasonable cause, is not fulling their part of the marriage and is not holding to their vows. Same for anyone who does not do all that is generally expected in a marriage.
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post #28 of 163 (permalink) Old 07-15-2018, 10:09 AM
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Re: I'm under no obligation

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The OP is not only talking about someone withhold sex for a long period of time. He's saying that if he wants sex, it's his right to force his wife to have sex against her will. That's a completely different thing. This is the basis of old law that said that a man can never rape his wife because any sex with her, even forced sex is not rape. He has 100% to demand sex at any time.
I really don't thing that OP actually talked about sex on demand, or any type of rape.

I read nothing about forcing anybody, it seems to me that it talked about the attitude of the denier.
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post #29 of 163 (permalink) Old 07-15-2018, 10:29 AM
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Re: I'm under no obligation

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I really don't thing that OP actually talked about sex on demand, or any type of rape.

I read nothing about forcing anybody, it seems to me that it talked about the attitude of the denier.
Of course, the OP never said anything about ''forced sex'' or ''rape'', it's just an easy way to straw man his argument.
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post #30 of 163 (permalink) Old 07-15-2018, 10:30 AM
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Re: I'm under no obligation

I wonder about why people, seemingly often men, distill obligation/responsibility and the like to the area of sex . No one is obligated to do any damned thing within a relationship. Duh. Who would even want that?
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