Do your partners sexual interests affect how you see them in "real" life - Page 9 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

View Poll Results: Does your partners sexual behavior change how you see them in real life
Yes 15 37.50%
No 16 40.00%
Some other answer, depends, etc. 9 22.50%
Voters: 40. You may not vote on this poll

User Tag List

 351Likes
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #121 of 363 (permalink) Old 10-04-2019, 01:42 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 7,911
Re: Do your partners sexual interests affect how you see them in "real" life

I think that is a symptom of a sexual mismatch. When there is a good match, there are a bunch of things both enjoy doing, and a bunch of maybe different things that each wants to try. When one person is always feeling pushed, an the other always asking for more, I think there is a basic mismatch .

When that mismatch exists, the fear that agreeing to one thing will lead to a request for another is valid - but creates an additional tension.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Rocky Mountain Yeti View Post
While she hasn't said so explicitly, I'm sure my wife is afraid to indulge an expansion for fear that it will soon lead to requests for more wild and varied experiences. There is some good basis for that fear given that psychology has documented how most humans are never satisfied... even the guy who gets a Maserati often ends up wanting a Lamborghini thereafter. And a Ferrari. And an Aston Martin. For most humans, it never ends.

So it's hard convincing her that's not the case with me and sex. I know my boundaries and they're really pretty narrow in the wide world of sex. But I know she fears if she goes in for oral, than next I'll want anal, and then BDSM, and pretty soon I'm not satisfied unless we're making it wearing Marvel Avengers body paint at high noon in the middle of the village green with a midget basketball team, three donkeys, a goat, and a llama.
uhtred is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #122 of 363 (permalink) Old 10-04-2019, 02:05 PM
Member
 
Holdingontoit's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: In the woods
Posts: 2,336
Re: Do your partners sexual interests affect how you see them in "real" life

No surprise to anyone here, my wife's sexual interests (which, if she has any, do not include me) have completely dominated how I feel about her.

When you can see it coming, duck!
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Holdingontoit is offline  
post #123 of 363 (permalink) Old 10-04-2019, 02:10 PM
Member
 
Rocky Mountain Yeti's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Colorado, USA
Posts: 7,942
Re: Do your partners sexual interests affect how you see them in "real" life

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marduk View Post
I think thatís why itís so key early on to establish that a ďnoĒ is ok, and will always remain a ďnoĒ unless someone says otherwise.

I will say that by doing so, many of those ďnosĒ eventually became ďIíve thought about it, do you still want to try...Ē

Why guys keep harping on women to do things they donít want to do, I have no idea. Sex is a smorgasbord. Thereís always something else to move on and try if any one thing doesnít look appetizing.
Spot on right up until "There's always something else...if any one thing doesn't look appetizing." The thing is that for a vanilla, nothing else looks appetizing, and likely never will.
Rocky Mountain Yeti is offline  
post #124 of 363 (permalink) Old 10-04-2019, 02:14 PM
Moderator
 
Lila's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 4,697
Re: Do your partners sexual interests affect how you see them in "real" life

Quote:
Originally Posted by Faithful Wife View Post
I totally agree with this, but I donít think I would be able to stop myself from making an ew face if a date said he was into scat.
I think this is the best face I could come up with if someone said that to me....

Lila is offline  
post #125 of 363 (permalink) Old 10-04-2019, 02:18 PM
Member
 
Marduk's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 17,850
Re: Do your partners sexual interests affect how you see them in "real" life

I find it interesting that itís primarily the women coming up with the really gross fetishes as examples, while most of the guys are talking about stuff like anal.
Marduk is offline  
post #126 of 363 (permalink) Old 10-04-2019, 02:22 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2019
Location: Snowy North
Posts: 488
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marduk View Post
I find it interesting that it’s primarily the women coming up with the really gross fetishes as examples, while most of the guys are talking about stuff like anal.
Most guys must be more vanilla that ice cream than LOL
Numb26 is offline  
post #127 of 363 (permalink) Old 10-04-2019, 02:23 PM
Member
 
Faithful Wife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 16,599
Re: Do your partners sexual interests affect how you see them in "real" life

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marduk View Post
I find it interesting that itís primarily the women coming up with the really gross fetishes as examples, while most of the guys are talking about stuff like anal.
Well, in my case I really have heard a lot of them in person. So Iím talking about real people, not hypothetical people or kinks.

Also in my case, I am not going to disclose what my actual kinks are here, because yíall will judge me no matter what you say.
Faithful Wife is offline  
post #128 of 363 (permalink) Old 10-04-2019, 02:23 PM
Member
 
Marduk's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 17,850
Re: Do your partners sexual interests affect how you see them in "real" life

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rocky Mountain Yeti View Post
Spot on right up until "There's always something else...if any one thing doesn't look appetizing." The thing is that for a vanilla, nothing else looks appetizing, and likely never will.
Thatís where you run into sexual compatibility issues though, right?

If sex always means ďmissionary with the lights off and nobody makes a noise,Ē say... well then I couldnít take a lifetime of that. In fact, Iíd probably rather be celibate than have a lifetime of that.

That would make us incompatible in ways that are little different than, say, being a lesbian or whatever. Iíd rather be single.

Just because youíre tolerant of kinks and fetishes doesnít mean you want to do them, and doesnít mean you have to stay with them. But it also doesnít mean that I should think any less of them - within boundaries of course.

Necrophiliacs for example is some pretty basic degradation of the dead. Bestiality is some pretty basic degradation of animals that canít consent. Etc. And those examples are more where someone has crossed a line with your values than ďI want to wear your underwear,Ē say. Which hurts no-one as long as everyoneís values remain intact.
Marduk is offline  
post #129 of 363 (permalink) Old 10-04-2019, 02:24 PM
Member
 
Marduk's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 17,850
Re: Do your partners sexual interests affect how you see them in "real" life

Quote:
Originally Posted by Faithful Wife View Post
Well, in my case I really have heard a lot of them in person. So Iím talking about real people, not hypothetical people or kinks.

Also in my case, I am not going to disclose what my actual kinks are here, because yíall will judge me no matter what you say.
Donít worry. Iíve made a lot of them up in my head already for you.

Wow, youíre pretty out there. I hope your dude knows what heís in for.
Marduk is offline  
post #130 of 363 (permalink) Old 10-04-2019, 02:26 PM
Member
 
Faithful Wife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 16,599
Re: Do your partners sexual interests affect how you see them in "real" life

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marduk View Post
Donít worry. Iíve made a lot of them up in my head already for you.

Wow, youíre pretty out there. I hope your dude knows what heís in for.
Lolz.
Faithful Wife is offline  
post #131 of 363 (permalink) Old 10-04-2019, 02:27 PM
Forum Supporter
 
minimalME's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 5,317
Re: Do your partners sexual interests affect how you see them in "real" life

But what kind of pornography do men view vs. women?

I doubt it's just anal.

Quote:
Originally Posted by InMyPrime View Post
Continuing waffle.....
Also they affect the sexes in different ways...My guess is that a woman would be genuinely put off/disgusted if she found out about husbandís weird kinks (to all wimmins: please never check husbandís browser history). While guys would rather feel threatened, rather than put off, by womenís fetishes. They would feel we are not good enough to satisfy their needs etc. Thatís not to say women arenít threatened by porn but I think thereís also a strong element of disgust.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marduk View Post
I find it interesting that itís primarily the women coming up with the really gross fetishes as examples, while most of the guys are talking about stuff like anal.
minimalME is offline  
post #132 of 363 (permalink) Old 10-04-2019, 02:32 PM
Moderator
 
Lila's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 4,697
Re: Do your partners sexual interests affect how you see them in "real" life

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marduk View Post
I find it interesting that itís primarily the women coming up with the really gross fetishes as examples, while most of the guys are talking about stuff like anal.
Aside from the scat, which I interpreted as more of a joke by @Faithful Wife, what other gross fetishes have the women brought up?

I think what has been mentioned are threesomes, bi-sexuality, cross-dressing, domination, little girl/daddy....most of which are examples we've experienced, things our friend's have experienced, or things common in the kink world but we're not into.
Lila is offline  
post #133 of 363 (permalink) Old 10-04-2019, 02:34 PM
Member
 
Marduk's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 17,850
Re: Do your partners sexual interests affect how you see them in "real" life

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lila View Post
Aside from the scat, which I interpreted as more of a joke by @Faithful Wife, what other gross fetishes have the women brought up?

I think what has been mentioned are threesomes, bi-sexuality, cross-dressing, domination, little girl/daddy....most of which are examples we've experienced, things our friend's have experienced, or things common in the kink world but we're not into.
Well, Ele certainly had a laundry list of stuff that wasnít at the top of my mind when I read the survey.

Insects? Seriously?
Marduk is offline  
post #134 of 363 (permalink) Old 10-04-2019, 02:40 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Currently; the planet earth.
Posts: 202
Re: Do your partners sexual interests affect how you see them in "real" life

Quote:
Originally Posted by uhtred View Post
I think that is a symptom of a sexual mismatch. When there is a good match, there are a bunch of things both enjoy doing, and a bunch of maybe different things that each wants to try. When one person is always feeling pushed, an the other always asking for more, I think there is a basic mismatch .

When that mismatch exists, the fear that agreeing to one thing will lead to a request for another is valid - but creates an additional tension.
In addition, I think it trains the spouses in a Pavlovian way. The person wanting more gets trained to the excitement of something more rather than just enjoying the sexual experience. The person wanting less gets trained to build resentment around the topic, or to see sexual intimacy as not being intimate, etc.
leftfield is offline  
post #135 of 363 (permalink) Old 10-04-2019, 02:41 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Montana
Posts: 654
Re: Do your partners sexual interests affect how you see them in "real" life

Quote:
Originally Posted by notmyjamie View Post
This is quite common among women that are in charge of everything else in their life...work, home, kids, etc. The chance to lay back and have someone else make some decisions is very appealing.

In my life it comes out as

HIM:"hey...what do you want to order for dinner?"
ME: "what I really want is not to have to decide this time"
HIM:"Chinese it is!!"
ME: "Perfect, thanks!!!"

You just described me and my wife. You see she has degenerative rheumatoid arthritis and she is on some major medications for it that sap her libido. So most nights our method of intimacy is for me to cook her supper, then we eat while watching our favorite Netflix shows, and once the plates are cleared I give her a foot and calf massage to relax her. I do it every night without fail.

Then once or twice a week, when she's feeling okay, she gives me the signal to carry her to the bedroom for some loving time.
BashfulB is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in










Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome