How long would you wait to sleep with a new partner? - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #16 of 63 (permalink) Old 10-11-2019, 08:17 PM
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Re: How long would you wait to sleep with a new partner?

The moment I fool the poor deluded woman to let me into her pants.

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post #17 of 63 (permalink) Old 10-11-2019, 08:41 PM
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Re: How long would you wait to sleep with a new partner?

Does this thread tend to pre-select posters who are on the frequent & fast side? I find it difficult to believe we're seeing a representative sample, but maybe I'm more naive than I thought. Just wondering if those who waited a year... or even six months... if they're a bit shy to post here?
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post #18 of 63 (permalink) Old 10-11-2019, 08:49 PM
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Does this thread tend to pre-select posters who are on the frequent & fast side? I find it difficult to believe we're seeing a representative sample, but maybe I'm more naive than I thought. Just wondering if those who waited a year... or even six months... if they're a bit shy to post here?
If you are seriously dating someone and they want to wait to have sex for 6 months or even a year, that is a HUGE red flag. You wouldn't buy a car without test driving it, why would you gamble your future on a possible sexual incompatibility?
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post #19 of 63 (permalink) Old 10-11-2019, 08:52 PM
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Re: How long would you wait to sleep with a new partner?

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If you are seriously dating someone and they want to wait to have sex for 6 months or even a year, that is a HUGE red flag. You wouldn't buy a car without test driving it, why would you gamble your future on a possible sexual incompatibility?
"Seriously dating" is likely the issue. If that was the intent from the beginning, to seriously date someone, then perhaps the timeframe makes sense. I didn't meet my wife as someone I was interested in seriously dating. It began as a friendship, and there's probably a big difference in how such things turn out.

So perhaps when someone says "new partner" by definition that's seriously dating? Perhaps if someone said "dating someone new" the answers would be different than dating a new "partner?"
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post #20 of 63 (permalink) Old 10-11-2019, 08:56 PM
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I would wait until i can get some clue he would be serious about me, or even love me. But I'm no exemple to follow because I dont know how the dating world is going for almost a decade.
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post #21 of 63 (permalink) Old 10-11-2019, 09:00 PM
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Re: How long would you wait to sleep with a new partner?

I would wait a year
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post #22 of 63 (permalink) Old 10-11-2019, 09:03 PM
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Re: How long would you wait to sleep with a new partner?

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Originally Posted by Casual Observer View Post
Does this thread tend to pre-select posters who are on the frequent & fast side? I find it difficult to believe we're seeing a representative sample, but maybe I'm more naive than I thought. Just wondering if those who waited a year... or even six months... if they're a bit shy to post here?
Nah. Certainly not me. I asked my wife to marry me mid-thrust, over a picnic table, mid-day, in a public park. Patience, man, patience.

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post #23 of 63 (permalink) Old 10-11-2019, 09:44 PM
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Re: How long would you wait to sleep with a new partner?

The first guy I was with I knew for about 2 months but slept with on the third date. I'd have predicted I'd never sleep with someone that fast prior to meeting and dating him. I'd been with my previous boyfriend for 6 months and hadn't slept with him. But this guy was older, more confident, and hot, and I was 20 and all my friends were no longer virgins. I felt like a freak. LOL In hindsight, this was a big mistake as he had no plans for being exclusive and when that became clear to me my heart was shattered.

Everyone else I waited about 1-2 months of dating, until I knew we were exclusive and things were getting more serious than just a fling type situation.
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post #24 of 63 (permalink) Old 10-11-2019, 09:46 PM
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Re: How long would you wait to sleep with a new partner?

When I wasn't a Christian, I had sex when I felt right about it, and the chemistry was right. There was no time table.

As a Christian I would want to wait until we get married.

However, that scares me a little, since I know from experience (before being a Christian and before being married) that some men just don't have "it" and can't learn "it." Also, what if he has a micropenis? I'm serious. What if he has a donkey penis? I'm not 20 anymore, but I'm not sexually dead. I'd want to have sex, and good sex when it happened.

I hope to not have to make that decision. This topic gives me another reason to do all I can to help heal and strengthen my marriage.
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post #25 of 63 (permalink) Old 10-11-2019, 09:54 PM
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Re: How long would you wait to sleep with a new partner?

Last time I dated, I didn't have a definitive amount of time set into stone. I just wanted the moment to be just right. Unfortunately, that never came to pass. She met someone else along the way. Such is life, but I was far better off without her than with her.
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post #26 of 63 (permalink) Old 10-12-2019, 04:06 AM
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Re: How long would you wait to sleep with a new partner?

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It says the person likes sex a lot, and would prefer to have fun sooner rather than later.

I always found that women were the ones who were impatient. Woe to those who wait very long

I've been asked "what the hell are you waiting for" at the end of a first date. Since I was deliberately waiting, which was fixed moments later.

I had one Japanese woman who I had just met, who insisted I must be gay. Since I turned down her request to have sex, within a few minutes of meeting her. I was engaged at the time to my now wife, so I turned her down. Absent being attached, since she was pretty I would have ****ed her.

On and on etc.

In my experience being forward and engaging in sex early on, always ensured the most positive responses from the women I have been with. While choosing to wait a few weeks, would always ensure that sex would never ever happen.
I guess that's the sort of women you mix with.

No it doesn't mean they like sex a lot, they dont think that sex is very important that its worth waiting for. People who wait like sex a lot too, they just have stronger values and self discipline and understand the importance of sex as being part of a loving committed relationship.
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post #27 of 63 (permalink) Old 10-12-2019, 09:12 AM
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Re: How long would you wait to sleep with a new partner?

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I guess that's the sort of women you mix with.
So for the most part that has meant university educated women, often with multiple tertiary qualifications, who are highly accomplished, high earning, lots of fun and are not religious at all.

Or to put it another way a bunch of extraordinarily splendid women.

Quote:
No it doesn't mean they like sex a lot, they dont think that sex is very important that its worth waiting for.
Many of them certainly did (the things we would do was quite awesome), some that I still know today claim they still think it's important. Likewise my wife thinks it is important as do I as well

In fact I value sex so highly, I wouldn't marry anyone. Without first establishing, whether we work well together sexually in actual practice rather than make believe.

By nature I am not a gambler. So I am not inclined to foolishly marry anyone, who I have never had lots of sex with beforehand.

Quote:
People who wait like sex a lot too, they just have stronger values and self discipline and understand the importance of sex as being part of a loving committed relationship.
Sure some certainly do like sex. Though those who have waited and have never had sex have no idea if they like sex or not.

Trust but verify.

While there are some who end up waiting interminably to no end, like one of my wife's friends. who is in her late 40s and still a virgin waiting for marriage. I think in her case it's fair to say, she doesn't care for sex much at all. Since if sex really mattered to her, she would have done it by now.

As to values, stronger has nothing to do with it, their values are simply different.

As to having stronger self discipline, pull the other one! You must be joking. I've known plenty of people who have waited to have sex, who lack discipline in extraordinary measure.

Plenty of us find that sex is just as important outside of and inside of loving committed relationships.

Of which in my experience I have found that sex can be just as terrific outside of a loving committed relationship as it is inside, neither are better than the other. Of which the sex that I shared with my wife in our first few days, was as splendid as it was after we got engaged. Then just as splendid after we got married. While it still remains splendid today, just the same as when we first got together.
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post #28 of 63 (permalink) Old 10-12-2019, 10:02 AM
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Re: How long would you wait to sleep with a new partner?

It has been decades since this question was relevant to me, but my answer today would probably be roughly what my behavior was then. I'd wait until I was in love.
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post #29 of 63 (permalink) Old 10-12-2019, 10:18 AM
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Re: How long would you wait to sleep with a new partner?

My rule, based on religion and my demisexuality is that I'm not sexually intimate with anyone that I'm not in a long term committed relationship with. However long that takes.
On a side note. I did once sleep with a person (in a long term semisexual relationship) where we had not had sexual intercourse. Probably a record for me being around 6 weeks.


Edit Note: This is not a confirmation of @Diana7 's opinion. In my experience demisexuality is a much bigger prediction of waiting than religion. But I think this post is a nice counterpoint to @Personal s reply. Showing that there are different kinds of people, and they approach sex differently.

Last edited by Mr. Nail; 10-12-2019 at 10:27 AM.
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post #30 of 63 (permalink) Old 10-12-2019, 10:50 AM
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Re: How long would you wait to sleep with a new partner?

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Originally Posted by Personal View Post
So for the most part that has meant university educated women, often with multiple tertiary qualifications, who are highly accomplished, high earning, lots of fun and are not religious at all.

Or to put it another way a bunch of extraordinarily splendid women.



Many of them certainly did (the things we would do was quite awesome), some that I still know today claim they still think it's important. Likewise my wife thinks it is important as do I as well

In fact I value sex so highly, I wouldn't marry anyone. Without first establishing, whether we work well together sexually in actual practice rather than make believe.

By nature I am not a gambler. So I am not inclined to foolishly marry anyone, who I have never had lots of sex with beforehand.



Sure some certainly do like sex. Though those who have waited and have never had sex have no idea if they like sex or not.

Trust but verify.

While there are some who end up waiting interminably to no end, like one of my wife's friends. who is in her late 40s and still a virgin waiting for marriage. I think in her case it's fair to say, she doesn't care for sex much at all. Since if sex really mattered to her, she would have done it by now.

As to values, stronger has nothing to do with it, their values are simply different.

As to having stronger self discipline, pull the other one! You must be joking. I've known plenty of people who have waited to have sex, who lack discipline in extraordinary measure.

Plenty of us find that sex is just as important outside of and inside of loving committed relationships.

Of which in my experience I have found that sex can be just as terrific outside of a loving committed relationship as it is inside, neither are better than the other. Of which the sex that I shared with my wife in our first few days, was as splendid as it was after we got engaged. Then just as splendid after we got married. While it still remains splendid today, just the same as when we first got together.
Since when has what career/job/qualifications a person has had any bearing on their morality and integrity?

I guess that I am just fortunate to know so many decent people who don't treat sex as a casual meaningless thing. To know so many long and happy marriages where they cared enough about sex to wait till they married. Remember that most people who come here with serious sexual issues had sex before marriage, so clearly that had no advantage for them.
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