Best toy for her, for PIV orgasm? - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #31 of 55 (permalink) Old 10-18-2019, 04:38 PM
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Most women can only orgasm a certain way and in limited positions at certain times. That’s the reality. I can never have a vaginal orgasm, only cliteral (not sure if that’s even a word). I can only orgasm during vaginal penetration when his body rubs against my clit when he thrusts.
Thiiiss!!!!!!!! ^^^ True.
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post #32 of 55 (permalink) Old 10-18-2019, 05:24 PM
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Re: Best toy for her, for PIV orgasm?

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Originally Posted by Girl_power View Post
Most women can only orgasm a certain way and in limited positions at certain times. Thatís the reality. I can never have a vaginal orgasm, only cliteral (not sure if thatís even a word). I can only orgasm during vaginal penetration when his body rubs against my clit when he thrusts.

There is one other possibility...

Nipple/breast orgasms!


https://www.huffpost.com/entry/breast-orgasm_b_1871581

https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-lov...-only-orgasms/

https://www.healthline.com/health/wo...w-does-it-feel

...because the nerves used to accomplished this are connected directly with the clitoral region of the brain, some women may not even realize what is happening. Your rubbing up here, but they feel it down there!

Just saying, don't ignore the ladies!

Cheers,
Badsanta
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post #33 of 55 (permalink) Old 10-18-2019, 05:42 PM
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Re: Best toy for her, for PIV orgasm?

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Originally Posted by Girl_power View Post
What we vibe do you use?


We-vibe sync.

As far as the vibrating penis ring we have tried a few toys that just doesn't do it for me. There maybe a ring that's good but i like the vibe because it hits the clit and the gspot and stays in place *with some positions*

I really don't orgasm PIV without additional help. And when I do it's not nearly as strong as the vibe.

The vibe we have is adjustable in width so it snugs up. The penis then pushes it up against your gspot which increases the sensation the clit feels.


And to bad santa. *ugh*. While I'm sure so women somewhere orgasm by breast alone, I would find the attempt annoying. The OP is talking about a woman who has difficulty orgasms so chances are breast play alone isn't going to do it.

I do agree there are many nerves that are connected to the orgasm centers that when stimulated WITH the main zone can make stronger better orgasms.


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post #34 of 55 (permalink) Old 10-18-2019, 08:06 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Best toy for her, for PIV orgasm?

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Originally Posted by badsanta View Post
There is one other possibility...

Nipple/breast orgasms!


https://www.huffpost.com/entry/breast-orgasm_b_1871581

https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-lov...-only-orgasms/

https://www.healthline.com/health/wo...w-does-it-feel

...because the nerves used to accomplished this are connected directly with the clitoral region of the brain, some women may not even realize what is happening. Your rubbing up here, but they feel it down there!

Just saying, don't ignore the ladies!

Cheers,
Badsanta
Not in my wife's case; the double radical mastectomy removed all sense of feeling for her. The replacement boobs basically just hold a bra in place and are hard as a rock (now I know why they call them "knockers!"). I am gradually finding areas around the sides that are doing something for her.
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post #35 of 55 (permalink) Old 10-19-2019, 09:06 AM
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Re: Best toy for her, for PIV orgasm?

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Not in my wife's case; the double radical mastectomy removed all sense of feeling for her. The replacement boobs basically just hold a bra in place and are hard as a rock (now I know why they call them "knockers!"). I am gradually finding areas around the sides that are doing something for her.
Well that could add to the emotional barrier discussed earlier...

I'll share some. My wife does not enjoy positions in which we are not close to one another. Missionary is ideal because we can hug one another and be face to face. Positions like doggy are reserved for when she is not in the mood and she encourages me to be selfish and just enjoy myself.

A lot of the psychology books i have read suggest that some people struggle with being seen during sex. A documentary I watched interviewed a couple in which the female said it was incredibly awkward during sex if she caught her husband with his eyes open and trying to watch her facial expressions. She insisted her husband keep his eyes closed or look away.

...my point being is that my wife and I would be the opposite of that. We don't enjoy things unless we can see one another and we are often gazing directly into each other's eyes during climax.

So if this seems relevant, I would like to suggest the following. Get in a close hug and just use your hands to do all the work. If she struggles to enjoy that knowing that you can see her and her facial expressions, then start telling her all the reasons you love her and enjoy being close to her. Work on her self confidence and expect it to be a process that takes time. Talk about her flaws and how those things have their own special meaning and how you adore them.

If she can only climax when you are looking away (like busy giving oral), then perhaps that is your clue for what things to work on. Let her know how much you enjoy seeing her and help her to feel confident about that.

Hope that helps,
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post #36 of 55 (permalink) Old 10-19-2019, 08:02 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Best toy for her, for PIV orgasm?

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Originally Posted by badsanta View Post
Well that could add to the emotional barrier discussed earlier...

I'll share some. My wife does not enjoy positions in which we are not close to one another. Missionary is ideal because we can hug one another and be face to face. Positions like doggy are reserved for when she is not in the mood and she encourages me to be selfish and just enjoy myself.

A lot of the psychology books i have read suggest that some people struggle with being seen during sex. A documentary I watched interviewed a couple in which the female said it was incredibly awkward during sex if she caught her husband with his eyes open and trying to watch her facial expressions. She insisted her husband keep his eyes closed or look away.

...my point being is that my wife and I would be the opposite of that. We don't enjoy things unless we can see one another and we are often gazing directly into each other's eyes during climax.

So if this seems relevant, I would like to suggest the following. Get in a close hug and just use your hands to do all the work. If she struggles to enjoy that knowing that you can see her and her facial expressions, then start telling her all the reasons you love her and enjoy being close to her. Work on her self confidence and expect it to be a process that takes time. Talk about her flaws and how those things have their own special meaning and how you adore them.

If she can only climax when you are looking away (like busy giving oral), then perhaps that is your clue for what things to work on. Let her know how much you enjoy seeing her and help her to feel confident about that.

Hope that helps,
Badsanta
Good stuff to think about! For me, I really want to be looking into her eyes while making love. I can "have sex" going from the back, but that really doesn't do it for me like it does when I'm looking at her. I want to see the face of the woman I love. Otherwise I feel like I'm just doing something physical.

And maybe it's entirely opposite for her. Maybe you're onto something; maybe the key to oral is that she can't look into my eyes, I can't look into hers. Maybe it allows her to fantasize. I never thought of it that way. I was too much into how it works for me, maybe I haven't considered how it works for her.

Of course, I could ask questions about why she'd have to fantasize, why it doesn't work for her, why it's not as spiritual an experience rather than physical maybe. But... why? I love oral on her. And I'm not looking at her then. I wish I could, but I'm not.

Thank you!
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post #37 of 55 (permalink) Old 10-19-2019, 08:09 PM Thread Starter
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Got the G-spot/Clit toy but "we" don't fit?

Not sure if I'm doing something wrong or if this is just a bit too much too fast for my wife. The toy we got is virtually identical to that shown in the photo at the top of this thread. It was tough enough figuring out which way it went in, and she's a bit reluctant to place it and like I have a clue about such things? But eventually we got it in place. Played around with the settings a bit; the only one she could live with was the lowest-vibration setting. BUT- she was content to let it sit there, doing its thing, for a few minutes. I was expecting a few seconds and out.

She's trying. But then "we" tried. It's supposed to work while engaged in PIV. She was not a happy camper. Could not get very far in, at all, and totally lubed up. Too much total circumference. I am not huge, but neither small. I'm from Lake Wobegone; a bit bigger than average, but nobody's really going to notice (5 1/4" circumference) (yes, I measured a while back, just had to know...). I can see where it might be more-easily possible after an oral O, but that would kind of defeat the purpose. She wouldn't need or want more stimulation for a while.

So, any clues out there? Is this normal? Is she supposed to be playing solo with it and getting into it so much that just the thought of using it gets her turned on and, well, enlarged?

Thanks-
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post #38 of 55 (permalink) Old 10-19-2019, 08:26 PM
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Re: Got the G-spot/Clit toy but "we" don't fit?

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Originally Posted by Casual Observer View Post
Not sure if I'm doing something wrong or if this is just a bit too much too fast for my wife. The toy we got is virtually identical to that shown in the photo at the top of this thread. It was tough enough figuring out which way it went in, and she's a bit reluctant to place it and like I have a clue about such things? But eventually we got it in place. Played around with the settings a bit; the only one she could live with was the lowest-vibration setting. BUT- she was content to let it sit there, doing its thing, for a few minutes. I was expecting a few seconds and out.



She's trying. But then "we" tried. It's supposed to work while engaged in PIV. She was not a happy camper. Could not get very far in, at all, and totally lubed up. Too much total circumference. I am not huge, but neither small. I'm from Lake Wobegone; a bit bigger than average, but nobody's really going to notice (5 1/4" circumference) (yes, I measured a while back, just had to know...). I can see where it might be more-easily possible after an oral O, but that would kind of defeat the purpose. She wouldn't need or want more stimulation for a while.



So, any clues out there? Is this normal? Is she supposed to be playing solo with it and getting into it so much that just the thought of using it gets her turned on and, well, enlarged?



Thanks-


So whatís the problem? You donít fit inside her while that thing is in her?
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post #39 of 55 (permalink) Old 10-19-2019, 08:30 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Got the G-spot/Clit toy but "we" don't fit?

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So whatís the problem? You donít fit inside her while that thing is in her?
Correct. And the last thing I want to do is anything that might appear forceful/against her desire/painful.
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post #40 of 55 (permalink) Old 10-19-2019, 08:41 PM
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Re: Best toy for her, for PIV orgasm?

@Anastasia6 is a good person to talk to about this specific toy I think.
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post #41 of 55 (permalink) Old 10-20-2019, 12:38 AM
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I think all women are a bit different. I do not orgasm from clitoral stimulation at all. I can only orgasm from PIV in certain positions. I would try the toys people have recommended, try different positions, etc but your wife may just be one of the women who can’t reach that level with PIV sex. My opinion is at least she’s having orgasms there are women who never reach that level.
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post #42 of 55 (permalink) Old 10-20-2019, 08:42 AM
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Re: Best toy for her, for PIV orgasm?

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Originally Posted by maree View Post
I think all women are a bit different. I do not orgasm from clitoral stimulation at all. I can only orgasm from PIV in certain positions. I would try the toys people have recommended, try different positions, etc but your wife may just be one of the women who canít reach that level with PIV sex. My opinion is at least sheís having orgasms there are women who never reach that level.


Iím curious what positions can you have orgasms In?
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post #43 of 55 (permalink) Old 10-20-2019, 09:00 AM
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Re: Best toy for her, for PIV orgasm?

My husband is of average size (to my limited knowledge). Yes it's a tight fit that enhances the experience. I will say there are limited positions it works well for us. The best one for me if reverse missionary? I'm face down of the bed and he enters from behind.

Remember we are very stretchy kids come out that same hole. Ps I've also had a child.

Just a note. For us he inserts it. It's easier and I'm not into solo play. Buttons go out . Plenty of times he'll insert and use it as foreplay. Give me a head start. I can't take oral two days in a row on me. I get sensitive. The second day feels like a cats tongue. I also like to give him oral while I'm chilling. I must not be very good at it cause he can last ages with oral and not long with PIV. So often we have a modified 69 as foreplay. For the the vibe and his finger slightly moving the vibe. Or a butt plug. For him oral. Or kissing and boob play. By giving me a head start I have PIV orgasms more often. Now he isn't a PIV marathoner. So some of the guys on this board might not need to give a head start.

Another less frequent way to use the vibe... after we had sex extra in two to three days so that every part of my body is tingly. That's like 4 times in 2-3 days each with a good orgasm. Then the we vibe in front and PIA. It activates the last orgasm nerve center and makes for some really strong orgasms.


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post #44 of 55 (permalink) Old 10-20-2019, 09:03 AM
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Re: Best toy for her, for PIV orgasm?

Sorry I should have added the toy we have is slimmish and adjustable so you can adjust it snug against me after inserted. It's the reason we bought the sync. We don't use our phones but my husband didn't buy the cheaper one because it wasn't adjustable.


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post #45 of 55 (permalink) Old 10-20-2019, 03:32 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Best toy for her, for PIV orgasm?

Quote:
Originally Posted by maree View Post
I think all women are a bit different. I do not orgasm from clitoral stimulation at all. I can only orgasm from PIV in certain positions. I would try the toys people have recommended, try different positions, etc but your wife may just be one of the women who canít reach that level with PIV sex. My opinion is at least sheís having orgasms there are women who never reach that level.
This is absolutely true. She/we is/are fortunate that she can reach some rather massively-intense and pleasurable orgasms through oral. She is not lacking of all sexual passion. The equipment can work, when she allows it to, for oral.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anastasia6 View Post
My husband is of average size (to my limited knowledge). Yes it's a tight fit that enhances the experience. I will say there are limited positions it works well for us. The best one for me if reverse missionary? I'm face down of the bed and he enters from behind.

Remember we are very stretchy kids come out that same hole. Ps I've also had a child.

Just a note. For us he inserts it. It's easier and I'm not into solo play. Buttons go out . Plenty of times he'll insert and use it as foreplay. Give me a head start. I can't take oral two days in a row on me. I get sensitive. The second day feels like a cats tongue. I also like to give him oral while I'm chilling. I must not be very good at it cause he can last ages with oral and not long with PIV. So often we have a modified 69 as foreplay. For the the vibe and his finger slightly moving the vibe. Or a butt plug. For him oral. Or kissing and boob play. By giving me a head start I have PIV orgasms more often. Now he isn't a PIV marathoner. So some of the guys on this board might not need to give a head start.

Another less frequent way to use the vibe... after we had sex extra in two to three days so that every part of my body is tingly. That's like 4 times in 2-3 days each with a good orgasm. Then the we vibe in front and PIA. It activates the last orgasm nerve center and makes for some really strong orgasms.


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Quote:
Originally Posted by Anastasia6 View Post
Sorry I should have added the toy we have is slimmish and adjustable so you can adjust it snug against me after inserted. It's the reason we bought the sync. We don't use our phones but my husband didn't buy the cheaper one because it wasn't adjustable.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
This is good stuff to know. If in fact the part that goes into the vagina is fairly thin, that would make a significant difference. The fact that it apparently can be shaped is important too. I also appreciate that you respond similarly to my wife; she usually cannot take too much too soon either. The sequence a few days ago, back-to-back evenings of success, was unusual. She'd normally describe a too-soon effort almost exactly the way you did. Like a cat's tongue.

I'm not sure how long I'd last if everything was working correctly, since the vibrations affect both partners, and there's the added excitement of what's going on as well. Whether a tight fit enhances the experience for her is tough to say. She is not small, I'd say normal, except afterwards, if she's had an O through oral, she becomes rather large/voluminous and there'd be no issue for both myself and a toy... but of course, the point is for her to O using the toy and me. Thank you for helping with the mechanics of a rather embarrassing question on my part. And I'll look into that we-vibe.
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