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Best toy for her, for PIV orgasm?

9K views 54 replies 16 participants last post by  Casual Observer 
#1 ·
PIV orgasm isn't going to happen, for my wife, without help. I can't pull it off. Maybe I'm not big enough, maybe I'm not long enough, maybe she's too heavy. 5'3" 200 pounds, so yeah, lots to get past. 7.5" x 5.25" so not pornstar material on my part either but workable.

So looking to try, and I should say SHE is willing and wanting to try, a toy/vibrator that could be used during PIV sex. Any favorites? During oral, no issues with clitoral or g-spot stimulation. The equipment works.

Has anyone considered or tried something like this? https://www.amazon.com/Vibrators-Waterproof-Rechargeable-Stimulator-Vibration/dp/B07GZL12ZG/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8 The reviews are pretty phenomenal, but not too many references for using it during PIV sex. There's also the chance it might work so well solo she'll dump me. :grin2:

 
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#4 ·
It's probably nothing to do with you at all.

Sometimes it's just the female's anatomy, position of clitoris relative to other parts.
That toy looks a little complicated for PIV.

Try Eroscillator or Womanizer.

Hide it. Solo time could become an issue.
A friend told me that. lol
And the Womanizer, which is awesome, isn’t complicated enough to use coupled even without PiV?
 
#3 ·
PIV orgasm isn't going to happen, for my wife, without help. I can't pull it off. Maybe I'm not big enough, maybe I'm not long enough, maybe she's too heavy. 5'3" 200 pounds, so yeah, lots to get past. 7.5" x 5.25" so not pornstar material on my part either but workable.



So looking to try, and I should say SHE is willing and wanting to try, a toy/vibrator that could be used during PIV sex. Any favorites? During oral, no issues with clitoral or g-spot stimulation. The equipment works.



Has anyone considered or tried something like this? https://www.amazon.com/Vibrators-Wa...07GZL12ZG/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8 The reviews are pretty phenomenal, but not too many references for using it during PIV sex. There's also the chance it might work so well solo she'll dump me. :grin2:



Start small and cheep, then work up to that. Just a basic bullet vibe that you can have against the clitoris during PIV. If that doesn't work then start escalating.

Also consider activities that get her highly stimulated but doesn't take her over the edge. Also try different positions. I have found I can get better penetration from behind and she is laying down for that, not on all fours.

Sent from my Z982 using Tapatalk
 
#9 ·
We have tried the basics, and pretty much nothing there for her. I think so much of it is total embarrassment on her part for having to take command of something that basically is assisted masturbation. I have tried to get her to work on the area digitally, while I'm doing oral on her, and she just doesn't like the feel of it.

That's why I'm thinking something that's set in place, especially if it's something where the feeling is change/enhanced because of things that I'm doing (movements), could be the key. This thing is only $50 so not that big an investment.
 
#6 ·
That's exactly my concern. We need something (I think? But who am I to say, since so far zero success?) that you put in place and don't have to mess with, because anything that has to be held in place is going to be embarrassing for her. This gadget looks like you put it in place and then go at it. I just wonder how there's room for everything (its bulk plus mine?).
 
#7 ·
Does she have awesome orgasms from oral or vibrators now? If she does I think the concentration should be on making them more and more great for her. Like using a teasing system to get her all worked up along the way to an explosion.

Some of us just don’t O from PIV, and in my experience, even if I add a vibe or something and get there that way, that type of O is not as good as just getting one without PIV. Trying to explain this, it basically confuses my body to have so much stimulation at once. So to get there I kind of have to force myself mentally, which is not ideal for me.

She wants the big cannons going off so figure out how to do that without PIV.

I get it, for a long time I wondered what was wrong with me that I don’t O from PIV. After lots of reading and understanding, I finally got it that this is just how I am wired and it won’t matter who, what size **** they have, or what else is added to the mix, it’s just not the way my body works. Once I accepted how my body actually IS I learned how to work with what I’ve got and make all of the awesome different things it CAN do be much better. When you think you are broken or that you must not be doing something right, it prevents you from knowing what you CAN do.

You said in the other thread she’s mostly physically focused (versus intimacy focused) and she wants that mind blowing O. Is it her that is also saying it has to come from PIV? Once I gave up that idea myself I found how to have mind blowing O’s in the ways that suit my body the best. I was with one guy who just couldn’t seem to understand that it was never going to occur just from PIV and it hurt his ego. I finally had to tell him that it was hurting MY ego that he couldn’t accept my body is the way it is and kept trying to compare me to women he had been with who did O from PIV. He did not say out loud that he was comparing me but why else would he be so insistent that it had to happen that way if it wasn’t because of previous partners reactions.

If she’s the one who insists it has to be from PIV then yeah, try that vibe you posted on the thread. I have heard some good things about it. But I already know that even if it “worked” for me in the way you want it to, it still would not be as good as an O without the confusion my body experiences when trying to add a vibe to PIV.

Another suggestion, one which you might not like or she might not, is to add some porn viewing together to your foreplay. I know its not romantic, but the same way porn will get a guys blood flowing quicker happens to women too (if they can be open to it) and that does tend to bring a better O.
 
#8 · (Edited)
Does she have awesome orgasms from oral or vibrators now? If she does I think the concentration should be on making them more and more great for her. Like using a teasing system to get her all worked up along the way to an explosion. She often, not always, but often has amazing and sometimes multiple orgasms from oral. No real attempts with vibrators yet; she has one, but no inclination to use it. She's extremely inhibited about trying it on her own. She claims she's only masturbated a couple times in her life. Given her track record about truthfulness regarding sex, one might be skeptical, but I believe her on this one. She is really of the belief that great sex, or even pleasurable sex, is something done for her. It feels somehow wrong (immoral?) for her to do it on her own. But her MC is working on this. The MC sees her inability to relax and enjoy her body as a serious issue.

Some of us just don’t O from PIV, and in my experience, even if I add a vibe or something and get there that way, that type of O is not as good as just getting one without PIV. Trying to explain this, it basically confuses my body to have so much stimulation at once. So to get there I kind of have to force myself mentally, which is not ideal for me. I think PIV orgasms, or even pleasurable PIV, without some form of "extra" stimulation, is a virtual impossibility for her. I totally understand what you mean about having to force yourself mentally, and that not being idea. But you don't mind the fact that you can get the O orally, and it doesn't bother you that's just the way it is. It doesn't get in your way of enjoying PIV, even though no O. That does not describe my wife. Her view of PIV is highly tainted by the fact that there's no pleasure, no O, therefor something to avoid. I don't know if it's even possible for me to really explain this well.

She wants the big cannons going off so figure out how to do that without PIV. I've got that one taken care of. And that's the thing. You think, I think, most everyone here thinks, that ought to be enough. That ought to color the total sexual experience as pleasurable. I wish I could get there from here.

I get it, for a long time I wondered what was wrong with me that I don’t O from PIV. After lots of reading and understanding, I finally got it that this is just how I am wired and it won’t matter who, what size **** they have, or what else is added to the mix, it’s just not the way my body works. Once I accepted how my body actually IS I learned how to work with what I’ve got and make all of the awesome different things it CAN do be much better. When you think you are broken or that you must not be doing something right, it prevents you from knowing what you CAN do.As is often the case with your contributions here, you are totally sensible and I agree completely.

You said in the other thread she’s mostly physically focused (versus intimacy focused) and she wants that mind blowing O. Is it her that is also saying it has to come from PIV? Once I gave up that idea myself I found how to have mind blowing O’s in the ways that suit my body the best. I was with one guy who just couldn’t seem to understand that it was never going to occur just from PIV and it hurt his ego. I finally had to tell him that it was hurting MY ego that he couldn’t accept my body is the way it is and kept trying to compare me to women he had been with who did O from PIV. He did not say out loud that he was comparing me but why else would he be so insistent that it had to happen that way if it wasn’t because of previous partners reactions.My ego does not depend upon her having PIVO. My ego is hurt, badly, by her inability to see PIV (for me) as enjoyable not because she Os or not, but because it means something to me, her husband. It is so strange, if you think about it; oral given to me is off limits (wasn't the case prior to sex), but she's dependent upon it. She doesn't ask for it; it remains a responsive thing, but she often responds readily and eagerly. Like I said, her equipment works. To be slightly graphic, after she Os from oral, there is never a need for lube. She produces enough lube to last several sessions. The issues are upstairs, not downstairs.

If she’s the one who insists it has to be from PIV then yeah, try that vibe you posted on the thread. I have heard some good things about it. But I already know that even if it “worked” for me in the way you want it to, it still would not be as good as an O without the confusion my body experiences when trying to add a vibe to PIV.I'm thinking part of it is just trying something different enough that she could be made to believe it could work, and belief is everything here.

Another suggestion, one which you might not like or she might not, is to add some porn viewing together to your foreplay. I know its not romantic, but the same way porn will get a guys blood flowing quicker happens to women too (if they can be open to it) and that does tend to bring a better O.We looked at some "porn" while researching different positions, and she made it pretty clear it wasn't doing anything for her. Maybe it was the wrong type, who knows. Maybe it has to be the right time.
Thank you for helping with my project. Your experience is real and relevant and well-taken.
 
#10 ·
Ok are you saying that PIV itself literally doesn’t feel good to her? Or is it that it’s just not going to cause an O?

It’s different for different women, of course. I had a friend one time tell me that she basically doesn’t really feel anything from PIV. That was confusing to me because I get incredible enjoyment from the feeling of my man inside of me, even though it will not lead to a clitoral O. It’s a separate feeling all it’s own, nothing else is like it, and I love it even better than the type of stimulation it takes to make me O. So my friend was saying that if she gets clit stimulation at the same time, either by being on top and grinding down on him or if she’s on her back he would use his thumb on her clit, this was how she could O best. So it really wasn’t the PIV at all that got her there it was only the clit stimulation.

Until your wife figures her own body and body/mind connection out, nothing you can do will change anything. She won’t be able to work through it all unless she’s actually open to what her body is truly capable of and what it isn’t.

As for the porn, there is a site called Pornographic Love. It’s by a couple who do their own porn. It does cost money but you can get just a month for a fair price. It is very sensual, erotic, but also very graphic (without being gross). I think there are some clips you can watch for free. Maybe check it out yourself. It may not be a good idea, if your wife is insecure about her body already it may make her uncomfortable to see the slim beautiful woman on the site. But basically what I’m saying is that for some women, the blood will start flowing in response even though she may not feel she is enjoying watching it. It would take a bit of a slow introduction. But again if it will just make her insecure don’t go this route.
 
#12 ·
Ok are you saying that PIV itself literally doesn’t feel good to her? Or is it that it’s just not going to cause an O?

It’s different for different women, of course. I had a friend one time tell me that she basically doesn’t really feel anything from PIV. That was confusing to me because I get incredible enjoyment from the feeling of my man inside of me, even though it will not lead to a clitoral O. It’s a separate feeling all it’s own, nothing else is like it, and I love it even better than the type of stimulation it takes to make me O. So my friend was saying that if she gets clit stimulation at the same time, either by being on top and grinding down on him or if she’s on her back he would use his thumb on her clit, this was how she could O best. So it really wasn’t the PIV at all that got her there it was only the clit stimulation.

Until your wife figures her own body and body/mind connection out, nothing you can do will change anything. She won’t be able to work through it all unless she’s actually open to what her body is truly capable of and what it isn’t.

As for the porn, there is a site called Pornographic Love. It’s by a couple who do their own porn. It does cost money but you can get just a month for a fair price. It is very sensual, erotic, but also very graphic (without being gross). I think there are some clips you can watch for free. Maybe check it out yourself. It may not be a good idea, if your wife is insecure about her body already it may make her uncomfortable to see the slim beautiful woman on the site. But basically what I’m saying is that for some women, the blood will start flowing in response even though she may not feel she is enjoying watching it. It would take a bit of a slow introduction. But again if it will just make her insecure don’t go this route.
The bolded section could have been quoted verbatim from my wife. She might have added "It doesn't do anything for me." And she doesn't get why it hurts so badly to hear that. So, frankly, I'm embarking on a journey to try and prove Pavlov right. First step is oral O. Got that down good. Second step is assisted O during PIV using toys. Third step would be PIV O. Frankly, I don't even want to consider the third step possible, or necessary.
 
#14 ·
Yes. She prefers that I finish with the tongue though. Sometimes it takes both to finish. She's realizing how much of it has to do with her voluntarily putting herself in the right frame of mind. Tonight, something interesting. Said that she was imagining it was not a finger inside. That might be progress. She is still so embarrassed about doing anything for herself; says why would you expect it would be easy for a 62 year old to change. I think, if we had a few days to ourselves, without the kids around, maybe we could get somewhere. Kids. Hardly. 26 & 31 years old, living at home because in this area, they can't afford the rent. It does create some issues, because my wife has the potential to be a bit vocal (almost a screamer?) and having to hold back on that can't be helping.
 
#15 ·
My recommendation on vibrators would be to start SIMPLE!

If you get one that sucks, vibrates, has all sorts of different modes, bells, whistles, and does a laser light show with LEDs.... it will feel unnatural and distracting, perhaps so much so that it will even be upsetting when she struggles not to disappoint you for trying something new. And the last thing you want is one that starts doing an encore for a rock concert in full force that you have to read the manual just to try and figure out how to get the darn thing to just STOP! (Usually requires pressing and holding the power button continuously for a few seconds by the way and that it not easy when lube is all over the place, trust me!)

TOO SMALL IS BAD. Don't get something too small or it can't easily be held in the right spot during couple's play. If it does have to be held in place, not only will that be distracting, but your hands will get vibrated as well.

TOO BIG IS BAD. Something big, as in something that plugs into the wall like a hitachi wand generally works. But the large size of those has an obvious presence during couples play that can be distracting.

TOO HARD IS BAD. Something solid can work, but the room temperature of these devices can prove to be a menace if they are too cold. A solid device can feel like and ice cube unless it is preheated (some folks like that actually).

TOO SOFT IS BAD. Something too soft may be too flimsy. There are moments when you might need a little extra pressure here or there and something too soft will be like working with a limp spaghetti noodle.

You should feel like Goldilocks and the Three Bears when your shopping! You'll need to find one that is just right. I also strongly suggest doing this with your wife. Also allow her to try the toy first on her own and then decide if she thinks it will work OK for using it together as a couple.

:)

Cheers,
Badsanta
 
#18 ·
Lots of people like lots of different things, and different body shapes make different things work.

Large vibrators can be easier to maneuver during PIV because they don't need to be positioned as accurately. For us, my wife lying flat face down on the bed, me lying on top and reaching underneath to hold a hitachi against her works extremely well for her. (or did back when we actually had sex :-( )
 
#23 ·
I like the We-Vibe. I find there are some positions that it keeps in place well during PIV and can give strong Orgasms. I don't usually orgasm from PIV alone. One position with the We-Vibe that really helps me is the we-vibe in me face down. I also like it when he inserts the we vibe and we have foreplay then we proceed to PIV. It gives me a head start but the most exquisite feeling is during PIV with the vibe. Better than solo.
 
#24 ·
Eroscillator works for my wife every time, get the soft, white larger attachment for it. A small simple silver bullet vib works too, don't get anything smaller.
She has a Magic Wand that works, but she says it is like using a jack hammer, lots of strong vibrations, but might be too much for some women.
 
#25 ·
PIV orgasm isn't going to happen, for my wife, without help. I can't pull it off. Maybe I'm not big enough, maybe I'm not long enough, maybe she's too heavy. 5'3" 200 pounds, so yeah, lots to get past. 7.5" x 5.25" so not pornstar material on my part either but workable.

So looking to try, and I should say SHE is willing and wanting to try, a toy/vibrator that could be used during PIV sex. Any favorites? During oral, no issues with clitoral or g-spot stimulation. The equipment works.

Has anyone considered or tried something like this? https://www.amazon.com/Vibrators-Wa...07GZL12ZG/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8 The reviews are pretty phenomenal, but not too many references for using it during PIV sex. There's also the chance it might work so well solo she'll dump me. :)

When she is excited while engaging in PIV sex press your pubic bone (or that fat pillow there) against her clit and continue pumping normally (the only positions that I know of where O happens like this for a womam are missionary and she on top) and Im sure you P will reach just the area inside her that is behind her clit while your pubic bone will stimulate her. She will orgasm!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe you dont get it right on the first time, but trust me.

Your pubic bone is the best stimulation she will need. Using vibrators often make the area less sensitive, wich would make a natural orgasm happening a bit harder.

Good luck!!!!!!!!!
 
#26 ·
If only it were so simple. Yes, I have tried that, telling her that was what we were trying to do, and otherwise, thinking maybe she could be surprised and notice something. It's possible that, for woman on top, her weight is an issue; too much "cushion" to get to the pubic bones, and if you really try to get there, you're moving things out of the way and causing some distress doing so. At the very least it's something noticed.
 
#37 ·
Got the G-spot/Clit toy but "we" don't fit?

Not sure if I'm doing something wrong or if this is just a bit too much too fast for my wife. The toy we got is virtually identical to that shown in the photo at the top of this thread. It was tough enough figuring out which way it went in, and she's a bit reluctant to place it and like I have a clue about such things? But eventually we got it in place. Played around with the settings a bit; the only one she could live with was the lowest-vibration setting. BUT- she was content to let it sit there, doing its thing, for a few minutes. I was expecting a few seconds and out.

She's trying. But then "we" tried. It's supposed to work while engaged in PIV. She was not a happy camper. Could not get very far in, at all, and totally lubed up. Too much total circumference. I am not huge, but neither small. I'm from Lake Wobegone; a bit bigger than average, but nobody's really going to notice (5 1/4" circumference) (yes, I measured a while back, just had to know...). I can see where it might be more-easily possible after an oral O, but that would kind of defeat the purpose. She wouldn't need or want more stimulation for a while.

So, any clues out there? Is this normal? Is she supposed to be playing solo with it and getting into it so much that just the thought of using it gets her turned on and, well, enlarged?

Thanks-
 
#38 ·
Re: Got the G-spot/Clit toy but "we" don't fit?

Not sure if I'm doing something wrong or if this is just a bit too much too fast for my wife. The toy we got is virtually identical to that shown in the photo at the top of this thread. It was tough enough figuring out which way it went in, and she's a bit reluctant to place it and like I have a clue about such things? But eventually we got it in place. Played around with the settings a bit; the only one she could live with was the lowest-vibration setting. BUT- she was content to let it sit there, doing its thing, for a few minutes. I was expecting a few seconds and out.



She's trying. But then "we" tried. It's supposed to work while engaged in PIV. She was not a happy camper. Could not get very far in, at all, and totally lubed up. Too much total circumference. I am not huge, but neither small. I'm from Lake Wobegone; a bit bigger than average, but nobody's really going to notice (5 1/4" circumference) (yes, I measured a while back, just had to know...). I can see where it might be more-easily possible after an oral O, but that would kind of defeat the purpose. She wouldn't need or want more stimulation for a while.



So, any clues out there? Is this normal? Is she supposed to be playing solo with it and getting into it so much that just the thought of using it gets her turned on and, well, enlarged?



Thanks-


So what’s the problem? You don’t fit inside her while that thing is in her?
 
#41 ·
I think all women are a bit different. I do not orgasm from clitoral stimulation at all. I can only orgasm from PIV in certain positions. I would try the toys people have recommended, try different positions, etc but your wife may just be one of the women who can’t reach that level with PIV sex. My opinion is at least she’s having orgasms there are women who never reach that level.
 
#43 ·
My husband is of average size (to my limited knowledge). Yes it's a tight fit that enhances the experience. I will say there are limited positions it works well for us. The best one for me if reverse missionary? I'm face down of the bed and he enters from behind.

Remember we are very stretchy kids come out that same hole. Ps I've also had a child.

Just a note. For us he inserts it. It's easier and I'm not into solo play. Buttons go out [emoji57]. Plenty of times he'll insert and use it as foreplay. Give me a head start. I can't take oral two days in a row on me. I get sensitive. The second day feels like a cats tongue. I also like to give him oral while I'm chilling. I must not be very good at it cause he can last ages with oral and not long with PIV. So often we have a modified 69 as foreplay. For the the vibe and his finger slightly moving the vibe. Or a butt plug. For him oral. Or kissing and boob play. By giving me a head start I have PIV orgasms more often. Now he isn't a PIV marathoner. So some of the guys on this board might not need to give a head start.

Another less frequent way to use the vibe... after we had sex extra in two to three days so that every part of my body is tingly. That's like 4 times in 2-3 days each with a good orgasm. Then the we vibe in front and PIA. It activates the last orgasm nerve center and makes for some really strong orgasms.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
#53 ·
Highly doubt your **** is the issue from a size POV - unless your length is too long. Most guys are worried that the length is too short. However, at 7.5" of length (insertable?), you may not be able to utilize the advantage of clitoral stimulation via contact with your pubic bone and fat pad. Maybe try the CAT? Length wise, you should be able to look for zones inside the vagina if she had them. You can try missionary with a pillow or 2 under her ass and see if changing her pelvic angle helps.
 
#54 · (Edited)
Interesting point suggesting that length could be an issue for grinding. Had not considered that. Interior length is variable, if that make sense, so there are times it would be an issue and times it would not be. CAT so far has not worked partly due to an angle issue; using CAT, if I'm executing correctly, the guy needs to shift forward/up) and that causes her a bit of pain as things get pushed around. Causes me to get kind of bent downward? Which is fine for me but puts pressure on her that's not comfortable.

Added: The "zones" inside the vagina are a tough one because they require a LOT of pressure, digitally, to activate. More pressure than I could possibly get with my equipment. I have tried angling things to try and target the spot closest to the front, about 1.5 inches in, across the top, but get no response. Like I said, she needs lots of pressure. Always has.
 
#55 ·
PIV sex toy update

So the sucking clitoral stimulator arrived, and didn't do much for her. The flip side is that she actually seemed to tolerate it for a bit, which is more than can be said for the dual g-spot/clittoral vibrator. I'm hoping that she can find some quiet time to do some exploring on her own, and find out what might work. She's still really private about it, at least I'm hoping it's a privacy thing and not something else. If she can find a way to "make it happen" with one of these gadgets, the likelihood is that she's not going to be in control of the gadget during PIV. That will have to be my job, due to embarrassment or whatever it is. But I'm flying blind, and without her believing it can work, I doubt that anything I help with (holding and/or controlling it) will be helpful.
 
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