Hi All, thanks for the many responses. Just to clarify a few things.
Yes, we have talked about this numerous times. We agree that we should have set date nights, because you can't go from nothing to full on. However, these date nights don't happen. Dam it, someone has to instigate that. The other week I sent a message to my wife saying let's have dinner together after the kids have gone to bed. She forgot, ate dinner with the kids, and then I was so fed up I didn't bother with anything. Neither did she.
Sometimes when we go out, we both get dressed up, come home, then go to bed. Nothing.
She knows everything I mentioned in my post. But there is a history in our marriage of raising problems and no changes being made.
I'm fairly sure there is nobody else. I don't think our marriage is missing love, its just missing intimacy and physicality. Without which the live will wane I am sure.
I explained to her two weeks ago that we can't carry on like this.
I would really hate your approach and would hate you thinking a date - throw a dog a bone, in other words - will get you sex. I'm horny most of the time and have a happy, if not exhausted husband, but you wouldn't get any from me. You also wouldn't get any by the methods, threats, ultimatums, and she ought to just do it mentalies people are telling you to employ. You have responded to several of them, and I'm wondering why you haven't responded to my post. In none of your responses have I read you say anything about spending time with your wife. You only mentioned the talks and the dates you plan to get sex. You say you don't go about it under that pretext, but your wife isn't stupid. She knows. What she gets out of your discussions and date planning is you demanding sex. The only questions are if she feels she has reasons for resentment (which you can't tell us), whether she feels otherwise neglected, and whether the sexual encounters give her satisfaction. These are three reasons women sometimes don't want to have to sex. The are others, such as some women losing libido and don't know why, but these are the three main ones.
It's interesting that the responses to these no-sex kinds of threads always jump on the poster's side to point to the wife and how awful and inconsiderate and disrespectful and unloving she is, so I guess I can understand you ignoring my post that doesn't entirely support your point of view and might suggest that something is required of you, or that you may in some way contribute to her lack of desire. But just food for thought, the responses you received in this thread are exact repeats of the responses in all the other threads of this topic. And please believe they are numerous, almost daily, and almost daily down through the years. Believe also that I've never read anybody come back to report any kind of improvement in their sex life, so I'm not really sure why so many people continue to repeat the same unhelpful advice, commiserations, and wife bashing.
I'm only trying to submit a different approach and method, one that takes your wife's needs into consideration in order to get your needs addressed. In another article, How Can A Husband Receive The Sex He Needs
, Dr. Harley notes that getting the sex you need requires negotiation, which is the reason I said something is required of you. Understanding that something is required of you is half your battle. Knowing what is required and properly executing that strategy gets you claiming victory....on a regular, if not frequent basis. Read his article and incorporate his instructions with @Anastasia6
Just to note there was one person I've heard of that had success in improving their sex life because they had their wife read an online article/blog that she found helpful. But I can't remember the name of it. If anyone knows what I'm referring to, please post a link to the blog. The title goes something like "The ____________ Wife." I can tell you it's definitely NOT the book titled "The Surrendered Wife" by Laura Doyle. The blank line stood for a different word.