Why do you think that my omission of my previous sexual experience is a "constant daily deception" while your own omission of aspects of your own sexual experience is justified because you are "much happier".
Why don't you sit him down and tell him all of the dirty details. Best to be open and completely honest. Why hide that from him?
Unless my husband asks me straight out about my past and I lie, then it seems that you and I are in pretty much the same place. I also think we are much happier. Do you think your "lies" or "omissions" are just less serious so they are ok? Others have said to great agreement, "a lie is a lie".
I'm not trying to pick on anyone but it's confusing what people's views are on this. It's all over the place.
No, I don't think you and Diana7 are analogous at all.
I'm not trying to be cruel, but it really comes off like you are trying to rationalize this. It's like you're trying to lump your deceiving your husband about an important value he has about marriage into the same group with a spouse's efforts at ego support.
First of all, you say that views are "all over the place", but that's because there's different people with different opinions. Some care about partner's pasts, some don't. But if you're going to accuse people of being "all over the place", that only makes sense in the setting of your current argument if you show that ONE person has conflicting/contradictory opinions on these topics.
Secondly, deceiving your husband about being a virgin/low number experience and managing the facts of a prior lover's skills are NOT equivalent. The first is a statement of straight out fact that (in your husband's case and in similar cases) is a critically important issue for him. Other guys don't care about prior experience (or even want their wife to have a LOT of experience/skills to bring to the table) as shown by the responses here. But that doesn't matter, because you're not married to those other guys. You're married to a man who thinks the sexual act should be sacred, bonding, transcendental and NOT just a physical pursuit of fun/orgasm all for its own ends. So those other opinions which are "all over the place" are irrelevant. The point being is that this point become an absolute on your husband's checklist of important characteristics for a spouse.
On the other hand, a prior lover's skills (or even size of his manhood) can be presented in a way to avoid being hurtful, as @Casual Observer
has mentioned. Regardless of a prior lover's mechanical skills or attributes, I should hope that a current spouse should still provide a wonderful sexual experience---if not there will invariably be trouble down the road, so it needs to be addressed to correct that. And so, the truth can still be said, but in a way that avoids unnecessary hurt. So a prior lover who was bigger can be described as "too big", or "Although he was bigger, he just didn't have the same effect, I never enjoyed making love with anyone more than you", and so forth.
Look, a guy who is below average in his manhood knows he is, and if he knows his spouse has had many lovers, he's obviously going to know that at least SOME were bigger than him. He's not stupid. But if he is told that the whole "making love" event (as opposed to just "having sex") is the greatest experience for his wife, then he will have his ego preserved. Just like a woman with a big butt knows it's big---so when she says "does this outfit make my butt look big?" she's actually asking for emotional support. A guy can respond, "It doesn't look big TO ME" (which is subjective) or "you're the best looking women out there, and your butt always looks sexy", or, if she really SHOULDN'T be wearing an unflattering outfit, "NO ONE can look good in that. The cut/tailoring is TERRIBLE. Let's get you a better made outfit."
The bottom line is, there has to be some criteria here. Otherwise, by your "white lie about a past lover's skill is no different than lying about being a virgin" comparison, there's really NO end to the lies you can make up, as long as it preserves your "happy" marriage. For example, then by that comparison, is there no MORAL difference between these falsehoods:
"you're the best lover I've ever had" and "No, I didn't have sex with the bridesmaid the night before the wedding".
"you're the best lover I've ever had" and "No, I never had a period where I pursued same-sex relationships with another guy"
"you're the best lover I've ever had" and "No, I've never had sex with an unconscious woman passed out in an alley" (like Brock Turner, the Stanford swimmer)
and so on.
At some point you have to say, "this is primarily a statement to support my partner's self-esteem" and this OTHER statement/series of actions is instead "a deception which robs my spouse of something that was profoundly important to him". Trying to conflate the two seems very self-serving and frankly isn't very convincing that you truly have empathy for what you have taken from your husband.