How does sex happen in your relationship? - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #1 of 43 (permalink) Old 11-19-2019, 04:22 PM Thread Starter
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How does sex happen in your relationship?

Interested to hear from other married couples how sex happens in your relationships. Do both of you initiate? One more than other?

Is the initiation the same way every time?

In my relationship it’s down to me initiate which generally involves me leaning over in bed and kissing my wife before moving my hands down up her top and if I reach her breasts before she’s pushed me away it’s usually fun time.

My wife will always lie there like a dead body waiting for me to make the effort. She won’t ask me for a kiss or ever initiate.

I know there’s lots that go on before sex actually happens but I just wanted to know about how it happens for you.
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post #2 of 43 (permalink) Old 11-19-2019, 04:23 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by PDM31 View Post
Interested to hear from other married couples how sex happens in your relationships. Do both of you initiate? One more than other?

Is the initiation the same way every time?

In my relationship it’s down to me initiate which generally involves me leaning over in bed and kissing my wife before moving my hands up her top and if I reach her breasts before she’s pushed me away it’s usually fun time.

My wife will always lie there like a dead body waiting for me to make the effort. She won’t ask me for a kiss or ever initiate.

I know there’s lots that go on before sex actually happens but I just wanted to know about how it happens for you.
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post #3 of 43 (permalink) Old 11-19-2019, 07:28 PM
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Re: How does sex happen in your relationship?

It varies. There are times when it is a planned event. We talk about it for days. We talk about what we will do with each other. It's a big production number. For those cases, it is usually me that starts the discussion. Sometimes it starts with a text message. Other times it's a quick comment as I'm leaving town or heading off to work. Sometimes it's just a quick look when we the kids tell us that they are planning to go to an event some evening and we know we'll be alone together.

Sometimes it's a surprise quicky. There are those times when opportunity arises and we're both in the mood and we just drop what were doing and enjoy the moment together. In these cases, either of us might initiate. The initiation can take any form. Sometimes it's just a quick glance and a question like "want to get frisky?" or "got a few minutes to help me with something?".

Most of the time, it's when we're in bed together at night or in the morning. We do a lot of holding, caressing, spooning in bed. Sometimes that's all that either of us in the mood for. At other times, it just sort of progresses. It helps that we generally always sleep naked. When it happens, it's pretty rare that you could point to a moment where someone was said to "initiate" the act. It just sort of ratchets up on its own. I think we've been together so long that we can sense when the other is in the mood and when they aren't.

Occasionally one of us will try to initiate when the other isn't really in the mood. Sometimes that's enough to get the other in the mood. Sometimes the person not in the mood suggests a different time - "can I ravage you in the morning when I'm not falling sleep?" or "instead of rushing this morning, can we take our time tonight?" There are times when the timing just isn't right, but I can't recall a time when one of us decline an advance without reaffirming our desire and proposing an alternative time.
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post #4 of 43 (permalink) Old 11-19-2019, 07:47 PM
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Re: How does sex happen in your relationship?

We just assume that it's on....unless one of us is deathly ill which doesn't happen often. We flirt...a LOT. From the minute we wake up in the a.m. Mostly verbal, a lot of touching throughout any day, some texting...a lot of innuendo.

So hard to say who initiates.
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post #5 of 43 (permalink) Old 11-19-2019, 09:10 PM
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Re: How does sex happen in your relationship?

I say "WOMAN! SERVICE MAN NOW!!!". She usually runs away screaming and I just grab her and have my way.

Is there more to it?
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post #6 of 43 (permalink) Old 11-19-2019, 09:27 PM
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Re: How does sex happen in your relationship?

It usually happens by accident. We're both gymnasts, and pretty clumsy.
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post #7 of 43 (permalink) Old 11-19-2019, 10:04 PM
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Re: How does sex happen in your relationship?

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Originally Posted by ConanHub View Post
I say "WOMAN! SERVICE MAN NOW!!!". She usually runs away screaming and I just grab her and have my way.

Is there more to it?
See...? That's the best way to do it - you can't fail!!! Lol!
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post #8 of 43 (permalink) Old 11-19-2019, 10:04 PM
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Re: How does sex happen in your relationship?

About half and half, but I know a very happy couple where he always initiates and she nearly always responds, and its not an issue. Every couple is different and comparing yourself to others wont help your marriage.
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post #9 of 43 (permalink) Old 11-19-2019, 11:28 PM
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Re: How does sex happen in your relationship?

In the morning, I usually initiate with a warm cuddle and caresses. In the evening, she usually initiates with "Take you pants off!" while watching something on TV. Somehow, it works almost every day.

Love is an ideal thing; marriage is a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

CELIBACY IS NOT HEREDITARY.
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post #10 of 43 (permalink) Old 11-20-2019, 12:28 AM
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How does sex happen in your relationship?

So, I am am a generally a naked sleeper. Sex, when I was not single, was always just a bit of a snuggle in the morning.
If it happened during the day, it was either him or me saying “let’s f***” If we had time (I have always been “open”).
At night, it was always the same as the morning thing.
The only time I ever really said “no” was when we were in an argument or something like that, but other than that I was almost always good to go.
Even now that I am in early menopause, I am still like that.

I honestly think that it is how we are brought up. Some women are raised to just “put out” to reproduce and that is it. They just lack the capacity to enjoy intimacy.
I have my issues with ex’s, but not one of them will ever say that lack of great sex was the issue...and their behaviour many years after the fact proves that.


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post #11 of 43 (permalink) Old 11-20-2019, 12:59 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PDM31 View Post
Interested to hear from other married couples how sex happens in your relationships. Do both of you initiate? One more than other?

Is the initiation the same way every time?

In my relationship it’s down to me initiate which generally involves me leaning over in bed and kissing my wife before moving my hands down up her top and if I reach her breasts before she’s pushed me away it’s usually fun time.

My wife will always lie there like a dead body waiting for me to make the effort. She won’t ask me for a kiss or ever initiate.

I know there’s lots that go on before sex actually happens but I just wanted to know about how it happens for you.
Does she keep lying there like a dead body during sex??
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post #12 of 43 (permalink) Old 11-20-2019, 01:04 AM
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I’m not in a relationship but am dating and sometimes have a boyfriend (which is the only time I have sex). When I have a boyfriend sex is just expected to happen several times every time we see each other.

When I was married I was down anytime so it was basically up to him to decide how much energy he had for sex. We were sexual in one way or another every day, multiple times. This might have been just a great make out and grope session but that itself left us both breathless which would carry us on a high all day.
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post #13 of 43 (permalink) Old 11-20-2019, 01:14 AM
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Re: How does sex happen in your relationship?

For us I would say 50% is playing around in each others head. 40% is shower time, massage, touching & rubbing, and flirting. 10% is naked in bed.

We don't have a script like I do this then she does that ...and then sex.

Things can be much different each time. It might be all about her, all about me, something in the middle, or maybe one of us gets "sex toyed".

I don't know why this happens but we seem to have as much sex in the walk in closet as the bed.

I initiate 99% of the time but she has started more of that in the last few years with the kids being off to college.

I do not recommend scripted sex or asking for it ....
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post #14 of 43 (permalink) Old 11-20-2019, 01:35 AM
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Re: How does sex happen in your relationship?

I usually just pull my wifes pants down and start groping her butt. I'll usually run my hands over her entire body for a while. I'm usually pretty big on foreplay.

Sometimes I'll just bend her over and yank her pants and panties down and have my way with her.

I like foreplay, but she prefers it when I just take her at random times. The less she has to think about it, the more she can relax and enjoy it. A lot of times, I will just grab her and **** her silly when I'm not really even in the mood. Her response quickly puts me in the mood, and it always puts a smile on her face.

"I am the wiser in respect to all knowledges, and the better qualified for all fortunes, for knowing that there is a minnow in the brook." -Henry David Thoreau
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post #15 of 43 (permalink) Old 11-20-2019, 05:00 AM
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Re: How does sex happen in your relationship?

It varies for us, no particular routine, and we both initiate although he does perhaps initiate more than I do.

It feels quite vulnerable to share this..! The unsubtle versions in the last couple of weeks... he'd returned home from doing volunteer stuff, looked scrumptious. We kissed one another, I grabbed his sexy butt then leaned down and playfully 'kissed' the front of his jeans. In response, he tilted his head back and let out an, 'mmmm, yes...' Another day, I was dancing in my sweatpants being goofy in the lounge room (not sexy, or so I thought at least), he stepped up behind me, slid his hands into the pockets of my sweatpants and used this to unexpectedly pull me back close to him, then shimmied the sweatpants off me. Different moment, I was getting dressed and wearing my cat-ears headband that I typically wear on a lazy day at home, but he liked what he saw and got me back into bed with him. I arrived home from work and was wearing a dress with slight cleavage. When he opened the door to greet me, his trailing touch followed his gaze. So, I guess moments like that happen quite regularly.

The more subtle involves caressing, light rhythmic touches, kissing, and perhaps making out... sometimes leads to sex, sometimes not... intimate and connecting nonetheless.

Music belongs in a place with hearts beating and brains dreaming and people falling in love. - J.Buckley
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