Wife's vibrator - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 32 (permalink) Old 11-26-2019, 10:01 AM
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Re: Wife's vibrator

I’m a little confused on the timeline. Did she get one right after the girl’s weekend and has had it for two years and just never told you?

Tread lightly as this could easily spiral downwards... it’s always a big emotional deal to get the message that you are not welcome in part of your partner’s sex life.. physical affair on one end and covert masturbation on the other. That’s the opposite of intimacy. Ladies... would you rather your man admit he has a foot fetish for example or have him keep it a secret from you?

This is like running into a camouflaged boundary that is there but one you had no reason to believe existed in the first place. Could be a shame boundary, could be she wants a different kind of orgasm, could be she wants to have an orgasm without any cleanup, foreplay or emotional connection. Well she had no intentional to tell you.

The best tact to take perhaps is to just leave it as you don’t have a problem with it but the message you just received was you aren’t welcome in a part of her sexuality and have been supplanted by something to which she falsely indicated recently was antithetical to her sexuality. That’s very hurtful to a man. No different than a guy caught telling his wife self-pleasuring is gross and then is caught. Also point out that you don’t want double standards in your sex life. Secrets are Ok for her but not for you.

I also found it interesting the point about the group discussion she had with her friends. It’s astonishing how a man can suggest one thing that is summarily dismissed by his partner only to see it adopted with open arms if suggested by a girlfriend. Female peer pressure is huge.

- “Hey sweetie, we should try some toys in the bedroom”
- “Yuck... what are you some kind of perv? You get that idea of some porno you saw... as if”

*goes to party with the girls two hours later*

-“OMG you don’t have a vibrator? Seriously...
You’re like the only one... you’re missing out girl... I love this one”

*Five minute later orders “The Rabbit” and selects next day shipping”


If she’s gonna to put up a boundary she just need to explain why it’s there and leave it at that.


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post #17 of 32 (permalink) Old 11-26-2019, 10:57 AM
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Re: Wife's vibrator

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Originally Posted by aaarghdub View Post
Ladies... would you rather your man admit he has a foot fetish for example or have him keep it a secret from you?


Speaking only for myself, yes, I'd want him to keep that a secret. But, I have a thing about feet so I could NEVER be with someone who would want to touch or lick my feet or God forbid ask me to do that to them. Gag!!!


This is like running into a camouflaged boundary that is there but one you had no reason to believe existed in the first place. Could be a shame boundary, could be she wants a different kind of orgasm, could be she wants to have an orgasm without any cleanup, foreplay or emotional connection. Well she had no intentional to tell you.

Could be she's embarrassed to have him think that she is sexual enough to want an orgasm even if he's not around to help get her there. Men think nothing of masturbation. A lot of women think it's something they are not supposed to admit they do.

The best tact to take perhaps is to just leave it as you don’t have a problem with it but the message you just received was you aren’t welcome in a part of her sexuality and have been supplanted by something to which she falsely indicated recently was antithetical to her sexuality. That’s very hurtful to a man. No different than a guy caught telling his wife self-pleasuring is gross and then is caught. Also point out that you don’t want double standards in your sex life. Secrets are Ok for her but not for you.

Agreed. Perhaps if instead of getting angry with her he could tell her he's intrigued and that the thought of her using it turns him on, she might feel more comfortable with the idea of incorporating it into their sex life.

I also found it interesting the point about the group discussion she had with her friends. It’s astonishing how a man can suggest one thing that is summarily dismissed by his partner only to see it adopted with open arms if suggested by a girlfriend. Female peer pressure is huge.

- “Hey sweetie, we should try some toys in the bedroom”
- “Yuck... what are you some kind of perv? You get that idea of some porno you saw... as if”

*goes to party with the girls two hours later*

-“OMG you don’t have a vibrator? Seriously...
You’re like the only one... you’re missing out girl... I love this one”

*Five minute later orders “The Rabbit” and selects next day shipping”

I think that might be because until she learned all her friends were doing it she thought it was something only perverted, gross, loose women did and once she learned differently she thought she'd try it. But those old thoughts are lingering enough that she felt to shy or ashamed too share it with her husband?? As I don't know her I can only speculate but it's worth starting from that assumption so as not to get angry and scare her off even more.

If she’s gonna to put up a boundary she just need to explain why it’s there and leave it at that.

Also agreed. And unless her reason is that she wants to use it with other men,he really should respect that, no matter how disappointed he may be.

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post #18 of 32 (permalink) Old 11-26-2019, 11:19 AM
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Re: Wife's vibrator

Finding my wife’s vibrator I didn’t know about would not upset me a bit, but it would sure turn me on!
And if I found it, I’d be asking to see her demonstrate it for me! That’s what you should be working on!

I don’t see the problem, but my wife has a drawer full of vibes and toys! (Which is what you want too right?)

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post #19 of 32 (permalink) Old 11-26-2019, 11:44 AM
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Re: Wife's vibrator

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(Which is what you want too right?)
Maybe he'd rather she had a ring gag and ropes? lol

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post #20 of 32 (permalink) Old 11-26-2019, 01:34 PM
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Re: Wife's vibrator

DW and I recently went to an Adult toy store, shopping for another vibrator, easier to hold (durn thing gets slippery) and a remote control toy (my idea, bluetooth and wifi) .

All good!!
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post #21 of 32 (permalink) Old 11-26-2019, 03:49 PM
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Re: Wife's vibrator

I am more concerned that you called your wife a prude just because she didn't seem to want something that you did. How disrespectful.
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post #22 of 32 (permalink) Old 11-26-2019, 03:58 PM
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Re: Wife's vibrator

My main question would be, I guess, is how long did she have the vibrator before she shared that with OP?

Did she let him go on and on and on asking her to try bringing one into their encounters but saying she couldn't bring herself to have one?

If a great long time passed then maybe the fibbing to his face deception may be an issue, or maybe not, not the vibrator itself.
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post #23 of 32 (permalink) Old 11-26-2019, 04:04 PM
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Originally Posted by Diana7 View Post
I am more concerned that you called your wife a prude just because she didn't seem to want something that you did. How disrespectful.
1) Her behavior and reaction was prudish by any rational standard, either for men or women. Don't bring your "feelings" into this. Try to be better than reflexively taking the woman's side in any debate.

2) "Prude" is not such a bad word

OP, one thing you might consider is that your wife didn't want you to think of her as "that kind of girl" however misguided it was. So she's not actively trying to deceive you, just trying not to tarnish her image.
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post #24 of 32 (permalink) Old 11-26-2019, 04:31 PM
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Wife's vibrator

You have no right to get mad. As long as she is still having lots of sex with you let it go. I think it’s great when anyone starts to explore their sexuality more, especially in middle age. Don’t verbalize that your angry. This is a big opportunity for you to support her and not Be judgemental because this could make or break future “explorations” together. Be supportive. Tell her you think it’s sexy when she is finding new things to enjoy. Don’t be threatened by her toy. And let her know your always available for anything she wants to enjoy.

Last edited by Girl_power; 11-26-2019 at 04:36 PM.
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post #25 of 32 (permalink) Old 11-26-2019, 04:44 PM
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Re: Wife's vibrator

ConanHub makes a good point. If the tables were turned we might not be so understanding witht the guy.
Sex is sometimes a touchy issue (see what i did there?)
In the end tact is required but she needs to know she messed up and that could cause negative feelings
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post #26 of 32 (permalink) Old 11-26-2019, 04:58 PM
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Re: Wife's vibrator

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Originally Posted by Tatsuhiko View Post
1) Her behavior and reaction was prudish by any rational standard, either for men or women. Don't bring your "feelings" into this. Try to be better than reflexively taking the woman's side in any debate.

2) "Prude" is not such a bad word

OP, one thing you might consider is that your wife didn't want you to think of her as "that kind of girl" however misguided it was. So she's not actively trying to deceive you, just trying not to tarnish her image.
In your opinion he is justified in saying that because in your opinion she is one. I would never call my husband that no matter what, its rude and offensive and unloving.

Oh and BTW, I would take the mans side if he didn't want to do something that she did and she was rude about him.
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post #27 of 32 (permalink) Old 11-26-2019, 05:25 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife's vibrator

Hi all.

First of all let me say that if anyone was offended by my use of the word "prude", I meant no disrespect to my wife. I didn't know what other term to use at the time as I was angry. I apologize to the ladies for that.

I plan on asking her if she wants to use her vibrator the next time we make love because I would find it hot (and have told her that many times I asked if she wanted to try toys). If she says no then I'll leave it at that. I do intend to ask her the when, where and why because I'm curious but not in anger or in an accusing tone.

My anger has gone after reading your posts and you brought up many intelligent questions and advice. My initial anger was probably "well, if she's doing that what else is she hiding from me". We did have sex since I started the thread but I didn't want to ask her any questions until I read your responses. We both know of each others' solo time and I will try not to jump to conclusions unless I have a valid reason.

Again, thank you so much for your time in assisting me and I hope that I can help someone here as well.
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post #28 of 32 (permalink) Old 11-26-2019, 06:45 PM
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Re: Wife's vibrator

My ex wife and I had to live apart for a couple of years because of a job. So I bought her a rabbit vibrator to "tide her over" while i was gone for weeks and weeks at a time.

She was livid! reacted with anger that i would even think she would use such a disgusting thing.

But I noticed that she didn't toss it out.

When I left for my long away trip I reversed the batteries--just because.

Sure enough, when I returned? Fresh batteries in the darn thing!

We played this game for a couple of months until I finally said, "you know, I know you're using the rabbit. How do you like it?"

Her response? "I do not use it, get off me case about it, you're obsessed!"

I never did out her. But I reversed the batteries again.

She was masturbating a lot and whatever twisted jack Mormon upbringing she had would not let her reconcile that with admitting it to her husband.


she really did like that rabbit.

When we divorced? It went with her.
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post #29 of 32 (permalink) Old 11-26-2019, 08:36 PM
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Re: Wife's vibrator

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Originally Posted by Firebird85 View Post
Hi all.

First of all let me say that if anyone was offended by my use of the word "prude", I meant no disrespect to my wife. I didn't know what other term to use at the time as I was angry. I apologize to the ladies for that.

I plan on asking her if she wants to use her vibrator the next time we make love because I would find it hot (and have told her that many times I asked if she wanted to try toys). If she says no then I'll leave it at that. I do intend to ask her the when, where and why because I'm curious but not in anger or in an accusing tone.

My anger has gone after reading your posts and you brought up many intelligent questions and advice. My initial anger was probably "well, if she's doing that what else is she hiding from me". We did have sex since I started the thread but I didn't want to ask her any questions until I read your responses. We both know of each others' solo time and I will try not to jump to conclusions unless I have a valid reason.

Again, thank you so much for your time in assisting me and I hope that I can help someone here as well.
Glad your settling down on this.

Me? If it were me, I'd want to find a way to get involved in the play. "How can I help?" For me, there's nothing that turns me on more than giving my wife an O. I'd say helping to give her an O, but frankly, I'm doing all the work, so I'll take the credit. But if there was something she could use that would make an O easier for her (or, maybe me to give?), how could that not be something to look forward to?

I think she's just a bit scared of what you might think of her using a vibrator, that's all. In my wife's case, she's scared of what she'd think of herself. Either is something you should try to make sure she's comfortable with.
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post #30 of 32 (permalink) Old 11-26-2019, 08:58 PM
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Re: Wife's vibrator

Firebird, hey just forget on asking her because if you don't it will make you look, like an ass. Now what l would do is take the lead and you know what her current one is like! Go out and buy something similar for her get it wrapped beautifully and the next time you leave. Leave it where she will see it.

Also buy a nice card fill it out for your unending love for her and some of her great traits. Do not put in a envelope. But by it's self that way she can read it without proving to you she opened and read something that was sealed. She will read it first and then open the present.

You will have just proved your truly a man and not an angry boy.

If your not the object of your lovers heart, then your just an object.
If you think the grass is greener on the otherside it's not, what you see are the weeds.

Last edited by Tilted 1; 11-26-2019 at 10:21 PM. Reason: Spelling
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