As for the drugs, we didn’t set out to become “intoxicated”. We did the equivalent of drinking more wine than we could handle. It happens. My point in relaying that story was to show why I think there’s more of a sexual beast within her than she’s letting on.
First of all, marijuana is known to enhance sexual pleasure, so she may not be able to have such an intense experience without it.
I think the response that your wife had scared her for some reason. Do you think she was embarrassed by her response?
I hate the binary path here. Could there not be a third way? Perhaps I’m greedy, wanting the same wife, the same life, AND a more exciting sex life. I’m not willing to throw in the towel just yet (although there have been days where I’ve sworn to myself that I’m done trying).
If you are trying to change your wife, that is probably a pointless endeavor. Like someone else mentioned, if she wanted you to get excited about shoe shopping, that would probably be pointless as well. Some people don't have a high sex drive and are not that into sex. That doesn't mean she's not into you or that she doesn't care about you. I think you may be taking this too personally when it's not you she isn't into. It's just that she doesn't place a high value on sex. She is available to you when you want sex, which gives me the impression that she's really into you. She'd have to be in order to have sex whenever you want and not resist or complain. Instead she happily goes along with what you like without complaint.
I understand that you want your wife to enjoy sex as much as you do and that you want some different things, but I don't think it's something you want to ruin your marriage over. Your wife loves you and supports you.
I think it would be helpful for you to be thankful for your wife and to not take it personally that she isn't creative in bed. If you want something different, ask her or take the initiative and try it out. See if she enjoys it, but don't expect her to suddenly become more creative in that area. It sounds like she's perfectly happy with you and your sex life the way it is and may be afraid, embarrassed, just plain disinterested to try anything new on her own.
When you wife told you her one and only fantasy, what did you do to fulfill it for her?