We are married for 19 years and have had oral off and on, but not frequently. She is in early 40s and I am in mid 40s. She had medical issues and then kids etc. long story short, I am having high sex drive and would like more of her giving me oral.
She always had been reluctant and in her mind, finds it disgusting. She sometimes gives me, maybe once in couple of months, but I have noticed, the she becomes soaking wet down under and have noticed during aftersex intercourse.
Does this mean she likes giving oral or i am reading too much?
Why not ask your wife? Maybe she feels embarrassed and wants to act like she doesn't like it? She sounds sexually shy.
I get super turned on from oral and know plenty of women who say the same. Ask her what would make her feel less grossed out? I have a joke with my husband about grooming, so if he wants downstairs play then he better be prepared. Showered and trimmed is a rule...I am not about to fish a pube out of my mouth in the middle of sex.
We are married for 45 years and have had oral off and on, but not frequently. She had medical issues and then kids etc. long story short, I am having high sex drive and would like more of her giving me oral.
She always had been reluctant and in her mind, finds it disgusting. She sometimes gives me, maybe once in couple of months, but I have noticed, the she becomes soaking wet down under and have noticed during aftersex intercourse.
Does this mean she likes giving oral or i am reading too much?
We are married for 45 years and have had oral off and on, but not frequently. She had medical issues and then kids etc. long story short, I am having high sex drive and would like more of her giving me oral.
She always had been reluctant and in her mind, finds it disgusting. She sometimes gives me, maybe once in couple of months, but I have noticed, the she becomes soaking wet down under and have noticed during aftersex intercourse.
Does this mean she likes giving oral or i am reading too much?
No, she's not just sexually shy or embarrassed to admit it. If she says that she doesn't like it or want it, she doesn't like it or want it.
It doesn't matter that it makes her wet - it doesn't mean it's wanted or liked. Her genitals don't say what she likes or wants, she does. Getting wet or having an orgasm when you don't like or want something is called arousal non-concordance. I found this Ted talk a while ago and it REALLY helped me to understand something i needed to understand and make sense of.
Please watch this and you'll understand all about it. It's wonderfully explained here. And please, don't anyone try to explain that she really does want it because she's wet. That thinking has a lot of very very bad implications as you'll understand better from this video.
Not necessarily true. There are people who have been taught that certain sex acts are wrong and thus they do run into the conflict of enjoying something and being embarrassed/disgusted that they do. This is not dismissing your point on the arousal without desire thing. It is a very real thing. But your point is no more absolute that the other. The OP needs to be able to determine, and make sure she is being open and honest with herself as well, which way it is. And then move on accordingly.
Not strictly relevant here but I recall reading of a study which concluded that there is a natural response to threatened rape which causes many women to lubricate.
It does NOT mean that they want to be raped, nor that they enjoyed being raped - it is an evolved protective reaction which minimises the likelihood of extreme, and therefore future reproduction threatening, damage.
Unfortunately many women who are the victims of rape and display the natural protective response are unaware of its cause and can carry undeserved guilt/shame throughout their lives.
I think it is relevant to this. I'm no expert on psychology or biology/physiology but the video i linked to explained it, not as a protective mechanism but as your body's automatic response to sexual stimuli, wanted or unwanted. It's also not uncommon to orgasm during rape, leaving the same shame and confusion for the victim (as i well know and why i tried to learn about this). Certain aspects of the act, even unwanted, trigger a response in your body. It doesn't mean you want the act. In the video they equated it to putting an apple with a worm in it up to your lips/tongue and your mouth waters. Doesn't mean you want to eat the apple!
Now that people can understand this hopefully we don't see a bunch of people assuming that she "really wants it" and giving tips on how to get past her "sexual shyness" and admit that she really wants it.
Something could have possibly happened to her at a young age also or in her young life...
I don't have a problem with oral but... when my husband spoons me and lays his region against my bum and is excited I get really emotional. It triggers memories for me and I get really uncomfortable with him.
It is not that she does not love or care for you... she just doesn't like it that much
you just got to love her through that and realize that when it comes down do it be thankful you still get her every way else.
Us women are some complex creatures.. most of us anyways full of emotions try talking to her if you haven't already.
Conversely, if you feel reluctant or turned off but are wet or hard, also trust your feeling to say no. Lube is not a substitute for mental arousal, but rather a tool for helping your body catch up to your mind. Think of tickling as an analogy: it can be pleasurable, but when done against someone’s wishes, it can be very unpleasant. And even when the person being tickled is uncomfortable and asks you to stop, they will still laugh, because that is the body’s automatic reaction to tickling. Just because they laugh does not necessarily mean they want to be tickled. Just because your genitals respond to sexual stimuli does not necessarily mean that you want to have sex.
End article.
I guess then when, a man has a erection or when the partner touches it and it becomes. The partner, assumes he must want it. Mentality is probably her first thought. So this is a thread alot can learn from. I did.
As others have said, physical arousal does not equal enjoyment - for men or women.
OP - do you do everything she wants in bed?
Sometimes its difficult to distinguish a selfish lover who just wants things that they they actively enjoy from someone who finds a particular sex act extremely unpleasant.
I’ve spent more than a little time dealing with this guy and the red pill in general. While I do believe he means well, he is massively off base in dangerous ways, and is more than a little misogynistic.
I would feel that a normal desirous woman, merely by just having someone make a welcomed sexual pass at her, would only naturally tend to lubricate.
And still be reticent to the performance of oral sex on a partner, for whatever reason.
If she has been a willing participant to the practice in the past, then it may well take a long discussion with her to help allay those fears, or perhaps even a series of sexual counseling sessions!
Not paying attention to her when giving oral while attempting to reach some personal goal of getting her off will cause issues.
Something isn't right here. I'm getting a bad vibe. It could easily be just me. Just wanted to express that.
You have to be able to talk at least a little. She may even feel ashamed because she feels as if she must do it and that gets her wet. She may feel disgust for her natural reactions to thoughts of domination. It is a pretty submissive thing to do.
Does she feel safe with you? I don't need an answer. I don't want to get that involved. You can answer for others here. Lots of good folks who know there **** will help you.
Daany, back to your original question- From my experience I would speculate it is most likely one of 2 things going on here.
1) Yes it turns her on ( natural response) BUT she is embarrassed
Or 2) yes it turns her on BUT she doesn’t want to let you know because she wants to have control of the sexual part of your relationship.
It could also be both of these at the same time.
I dealt with this with my x wife.
( she had been sexually abused as a child )
My advice is tread lightly with this information and don’t put pressure on her. Just be positive and tell her how amazing she is when things go good
A lot of women are turned on giving oral. Don't be afraid to encourage her to give oral, and turn her on why she's doing it. Touch her while she's going down on you, and tell her what you want her to do. Many women love that.
I once watched a documentary which showed that
1 A lot of people watching a rape scene on video got erect/wet and
2 A lot of straight men watching a gay scene got erect.
3 Women being raped may get wet during the rape,
4 A lot of straight men being caressed by another man got erect.
These are contradictions and are difficult to conclude anything from. How would you conclude on each of these?
Without talking sincerely to your wife, it may not easy to conclude from the data you have what her response is from and how it seems to contradict her attitude to the said act. Humans are complex machines and each one works differently even though we may have a large number of common factors
We are married for 19 years and have had oral off and on, but not frequently. She is in early 40s and I am in mid 40s. She had medical issues and then kids etc. long story short, I am having high sex drive and would like more of her giving me oral.
She always had been reluctant and in her mind, finds it disgusting. She sometimes gives me, maybe once in couple of months, but I have noticed, the she becomes soaking wet down under and have noticed during aftersex intercourse.
Does this mean she likes giving oral or i am reading too much?
I once watched a documentary which showed that
1 A lot of people watching a rape scene on video got erect/wet and
2 A lot of men watching a gay scene got erect.
3 A lot of women being raped got wet during the rape,
4 A lot of straight men being caressed by another man got erect.
These are contradictions and are difficult to conclude anything from. How would you conclude on each of these?
Without talking sincerely to your wife, it is not easy to conclude from the data you have what her response is from and how it seems to contradict her attitude to the said act.
Men raped by another man also sometimes ejaculate or get erect.
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