Question About Size - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 249 (permalink) Old 01-01-2020, 02:01 PM Thread Starter
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Question About Size

Looking for some honest opinions. I met my wife in the Philippines 35 years ago. She was working in a bar as a bar girl, you can pay the bar to take them out, they act like your girlfriends and they will spend the night, several days if you like. I was tall, extremely skinny, had no self-confidence, and very naïve. I asked her to stop working in the bar until I returned to the U.S and could file for a fiancé visa. I was stationed in Okinawa, but I would fly down to be with her several times. A year ago, I finally realized that she was seeing other guys while she was waiting for me to bring her to the U.S.

Being malnourished throughout my adolescence my puberty was delayed, as a result my penis is 4 and ¾ fully erect. I have felt shame because of that all my life. While talking several months ago she mentioned that I had the smallest penis of all the men she had been with. I asked her if the other girls asked about my size because I was so tall, she said yes, but I didn’t tell them anything. She had had a couple of drinks when she told me this.

A couple weeks later I told her that it bothered me what she had said. She then denied ever saying it, when I asked her about my size, she said back then she didn’t know anything about men having different size penises and she had no idea that my **** is shorter. The only good thing is I am 6.2 in girth. I have told her that I know that I was the smallest, and it would help if she could be honest with me about it. I have brought this up a few times, but she is sticking with her story that she has no memory of any difference in the size of men’s penises that she slept with.

She has been a good wife but we have had a couple of issues. Several years into our marriage I found a letter from another man in her things. I am not sure if she brought it with her or he sent it while we were together. A few months ago, she admitted that she talked to the guy on the phone after she moved in with me, but that they were just friends. I only am mentioning this because she will lie to get herself out of an uncomfortable situation. She says the only reason that she kept the letter was for sentimental reasons.

My question is, and I am naïve for even asking, but is there any way that she was not aware of the sizes of men’s penises? Our first night together she gave my penis a look over and gave a little oral. I would really like to hear from a woman about what you think of the situation. I would just like the truth so as not to wonder what the truth is. Thanks for your time.

It is or was quite common for military men to marry women working in the bars. Most of the women are desperate and given a chance they make great wives.

Last edited by EleGirl; 01-01-2020 at 02:20 PM. Reason: added white space between paragraphs
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post #2 of 249 (permalink) Old 01-01-2020, 02:26 PM
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Re: Question About Size

It's completely possible that she was not focused on penis size.

I've never even thought about the difference in size of the men I've had sex with. That's not what matters. What matters is whether or not they were loving and not self centered during sex.

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post #3 of 249 (permalink) Old 01-01-2020, 03:22 PM
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Re: Question About Size

Stop picking at this scab. Acting insecure and afraid of your penis size is likely to turn her off much more than the actual size.

I don't get guys like you. You have what you have. Short (no pun intended) of surgery, this is all you'll ever have. You know it's small. How exactly will badgering her to lie to you make it any bigger?

Put your efforts into being a generous and proficient lover. If you think sex starts and ends with **** size, you wouldn't be able to please her if you had a salami between your legs.

Also, if she is a liar as you say, you have bigger problems than size. Big dongs don't inject truth serum any more than small ones.
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post #4 of 249 (permalink) Old 01-01-2020, 05:55 PM
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Re: Question About Size

If you have been together for 35 years why are you worrying about this now? Its way way in the past, and even if most the men she had sex with were bigger so what? What will you do about it? I am assuming that you have had a good marriage if its lasted so long so just let it go.
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post #5 of 249 (permalink) Old 01-01-2020, 05:58 PM
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Re: Question About Size

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Originally Posted by vtx1800steve View Post
The only good thing is I am 6.2 in girth.
So, just trying to understand here...your 'malnourished' status in childhood made your penis very short, yet it didn't affect the girth? How on earth does THAT happen? Come on now, OP.

Quote:
I have told her that I know that I was the smallest, and it would help if she could be honest with me about it. I have brought this up a few times, but she is sticking with her story that she has no memory of any difference in the size of men’s penises that she slept with.
It would "help" in what way? So you can wallow even more in it? Why are you hounding her to say something she clearly doesn't want to say? What are you trying to prove? What's your payoff in doing that???

Quote:
My question is, and I am naïve for even asking, but is there any way that she was not aware of the sizes of men’s penises?
Let's not kid ourselves here. I've been in very uncomfortable situations where the guy was extremely small and was totally unaware of it and was actually making comments about his massive manhood. I thought for sure he had to be joking, but he wasn't. I won't lie to a guy and tell him he's well endowed if he's clearly not, I just refuse to lie like that. But I'll try to find something positive to say that isn't a lie. That ain't easy to do, either.

But I just don't understand why you're trying so hard to force your wife to admit to you that she's seen bigger penises. You know she has, I know she has, even my Pomeranian knows she has.

Just learn to accept it and stop beating the poor woman up with YOUR insecurities.

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It is or was quite common for military men to marry women working in the bars. Most of the women are desperate and given a chance they make great wives.
Why? Because they're grateful? Docile? Subservient? Just curious.

Once you start seeing your worth, you'll find it harder to stay around people who don't.
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post #6 of 249 (permalink) Old 01-01-2020, 06:18 PM
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Re: Question About Size

You can't change it so why worry about it. Work with what you have.

Besides what's the point unless you are John Homes there is probably someone with a bigger one. She married you so assume she was fine with what you had.
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post #7 of 249 (permalink) Old 01-01-2020, 07:35 PM
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Re: Question About Size

@vtx1800steve

How old are you and your wife?

Do the two of you have any children?

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post #8 of 249 (permalink) Old 01-01-2020, 08:13 PM
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Re: Question About Size

Your prior thread was titled "The unknown is killing me." It was a different unknown then; you were suspecting she'd had an affair, and if I recall correctly, you admitted that you'd had one 5 or 6 years ago? Which you kept secret from her but she found out? Why did you try to hide that affair, yet expect her to spill the beans on whatever you suspect she did or knows?

You didn't come to marriage through the usual path; you chose someone who was paid to please men, to put it politely. Women who were looking for a way out by marriage to a serviceman, providing them with their view of the American Dream which was certainly much better than what they were running away from at home. You knew this; you knew your wife had a history, you knew such relationships were based on a practical view of using their, er, feminine charms? It's difficult to put things in a way that doesn't sound bad. But you did, absolutely, enter into a non-traditional (for America and much of the rest of the world) type of marriage.

Forget about specifics for now. See a marriage counselor and discuss your differing notions of privacy. If in fact they are different, since you were hiding an affair from her. You both may be "guilty" of not being straightforward with the other.

How about this. If she's open to it, if you are open to it. Vow to keep no secrets. Unlock the past. And then, knowing what you know, knowing how you feel about each other, would you get married again? If the answer is yes, then renew your vows. If the answer is no, then consider that you, in particular, will never be happy, you will always have these concerns about what she knows that you don't. Dissolve the marriage. Or at least admit to each other that it's a marriage based on practicality and not love.
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post #9 of 249 (permalink) Old 01-02-2020, 08:34 AM
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Re: Question About Size

Quote:
Originally Posted by She'sStillGotIt View Post
So, just trying to understand here...your 'malnourished' status in childhood made your penis very short, yet it didn't affect the girth? How on earth does THAT happen? Come on now, OP.

It would "help" in what way? So you can wallow even more in it? Why are you hounding her to say something she clearly doesn't want to say? What are you trying to prove? What's your payoff in doing that???

Let's not kid ourselves here. I've been in very uncomfortable situations where the guy was extremely small and was totally unaware of it and was actually making comments about his massive manhood. I thought for sure he had to be joking, but he wasn't. I won't lie to a guy and tell him he's well endowed if he's clearly not, I just refuse to lie like that. But I'll try to find something positive to say that isn't a lie. That ain't easy to do, either.

But I just don't understand why you're trying so hard to force your wife to admit to you that she's seen bigger penises. You know she has, I know she has, even my Pomeranian knows she has.

Just learn to accept it and stop beating the poor woman up with YOUR insecurities.


Why? Because they're grateful? Docile? Subservient? Just curious.
You have a Pom?

"Let's never stop having sex. We're so good at it, we OWE it to sex to never stop having it."
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post #10 of 249 (permalink) Old 01-02-2020, 08:52 AM
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Re: Question About Size

If it still works, keep using it!
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post #11 of 249 (permalink) Old 01-02-2020, 09:24 AM
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Re: Question About Size

I don't want to try to speak for all women but I think it's safe to say that we are "aware" of penis size. To directly answer your question, it would be hard not to notice the size of something that you are playing with and going into you.

Maybe you can think of it this way. If you are in the supermarket selecting fruit or whatever, you will always "be aware" of the size of the fruit that you are selecting. But unless it's unusually big or small or shaped "differently", you don't really think too much about it. And people's perceptions of what's "big" or "small" and what causes someone to "take note" of the size can be very different. She may have taken note of your thickness.

When I encountered new penises, I sometimes would just comment to myself on something that stands out from others, like "hmmm...that's a ...." Could be shape, whatever dimension. Darker than you would have expected. Veiny, etc. Maybe TMI but my point is that it's just normal to be "aware" of different things but that doesn't mean it's a big deal. No different from any characteristic of a person. Nose size. Eyebrows. Arms. Boobs. Anything.

I don't think you have anything to worry about with size. Women (and men) can always go off and find someone else with with more impressive [choose any attribute]. But it's the combination of all attributes (your humor, your kindness, your intelligence, your face, etc, etc, etc) that make a person unique and it's that combination that people fall in love with. Don't worry about it!
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post #12 of 249 (permalink) Old 01-02-2020, 11:03 AM
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Re: Question About Size

You want affirmation from your wife that you are "enough" for her.
This stems from the fact that you are very insecure. Not about your body, but about your relationship with her.
Sounds like she's a player, probably a cheater.
I believe that this is your REAL issue.
That's enough to make anybody feel like they are never enough.
You could have a manhood as long as it gets and then you'd be asking if you were too much.
Fix the root issue. You don't trust her. Her infidelities have made you feel insecure.

Do I notice? Yes. Do I comment? Never. There is something good in every penis. Guys with big ones often think that's their only gift, and are poor lovers. More average guys are often more talented with other gifts.
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post #13 of 249 (permalink) Old 01-02-2020, 06:13 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Question About Size

Thanks for the answers. I am not looking to throw something in her face, I am going to stay with her, I think I am just looking to hear some opinions. I don't want to bring this issue up with her again, I don't want to upset her with my mental issues. I think I am just curious as to why she has a problem talking about this issue. She is the one who told me about being the smallest a few months ago, I am trying to resolve my issues with this. It's is not about if she has had bigger, she has, It's been a life ling issue for me, I am just trying to put the issue away.

I am not the best communicator. When I brought up that women that grew up in Asia usually make good wives, it is actually because they are stronger, not submissive at all. As I have lived and worked in Asia, Europe, and the Middle East I tend to get along wife people from Asia as I have an understanding of how difficult and different their lives can be. Some Americans are too soft, I grew up with quite a few challenges and I seem to get along with people from Asia.
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post #14 of 249 (permalink) Old 01-02-2020, 07:00 PM
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Re: Question About Size

Quote:
Originally Posted by vtx1800steve View Post
I am just curious as to why she has a problem talking about this issue.
Answer:

Quote:
Originally Posted by vtx1800steve View Post
I told her that it bothered me what she had said.
Your wife doesn't know what to say, so she avoids talking about it. It's unfortunate that your wife uses "excuses" to bring uncomfortable subjects to an end. This is a breakdown in communication.
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post #15 of 249 (permalink) Old 01-02-2020, 07:18 PM
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Re: Question About Size

Dude, you're a little on the short side but your volume is just fine.

Not a lot of men are going to beat you out in the girth department.

I hope you two can work through your insecurities and possibly hers as well.

My wife's first husband was somewhat enormous downstairs but she was only married to him for two fairly unhappy years.

We have been together for over 28 years, 24 married, and still going strong.

We have two sons and 3 grandchildren, sex is on the menu whenever I desire and she initiates more than I do.

She is my best friend and the love of my life and I guarantee she believes the same about me as well as thinking I'm her best lover.

I could be hung like a roll of nickels and she would feel the same way. Penis size and shape does have an impact on sex but not enough to determine satisfaction in the bedroom and satisfaction in marriage.

Too small and too big are very real problems but you have plenty as long as you care about her pleasure as well as your own.

You have many years under your belt and I hope many more for you.
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