Thanks to some comments by @notmyjamie
I have decided to post some of the thoughts I have had recently about my marriage. Over the last few months I have learned quite a bit about my wife's sexuality. The most important thing is something that I already knew, but for some reason we have been able to paper over it for the last 6+ years. That is: sexual intimacy is not very important to her and she will put in the least amount of energy possible to have a 'decent' sex life. This is why I mentioned to notmyjamie: "I hate feeling like she is just going through the motions for me. It sucks all of the joy out of it." In the last few weeks I have come to think of it as the emotional equivalent of 'star fish sex'.
To give an example of what I mean. I might mention to my wife; 'I really like seeing you in that sexy lingerie'. Her response is: 'just let me know when you want me to wear it. I'm willing'. We have actually developed into a dom/sub relationship, but it is not because I want to be dominant per say and she does not enjoy being submissive. We have this relationship because anything else would require more from her.
To be fair; in the last few months I have come to understand her much better and she does not see the need to put in more effort. I have come to understand that for her everything is about sexual intercourse (penetration). The build up and foreplay have essentially no role in her sexuality, she is completely focused on the finish. If I ask point blank, do you enjoy the touching or kissing or whatever she will say 'yes'. If I ask if she 'wants' those things, the response is 'I know they mean a lot to you'. Even in her fantasizing these things don't play a role. When she is imagining things; the man and woman both want it and go at it. Nothing else needed. I asked about how the cloths come off and the response was; 'they just disappear, or magically move out of the way'. In my mind, I am thinking; there are about 15 fun ways to removing the clothing.
I have read that men emotionally connect through sex and that has always seemed to be the situation for me. In the last few weeks I have noticed that has changed. As I have come to understand her more I am finding that the emotional connection is not happening because we are not sharing intimacy (as I see it) we are just screwing. There have been a few times recently that after we are done I have the thought; 'this is what a one night stand must feel like. I really don't care if she is in my bed or anything about her, there is just no connection'. The lack of emotional connection is bothering me to the point that I avoided intimacy with my wife this last week and I know that I can easily avoid it again this week.
I am not sure what I want to do from here.
I am not really looking for advice. I am mostly just writing down some of my recent thoughts in a way that helps me organize them.