I rarely tell her no to anything. If she asks me to do something around the house, I find time to do it. If she asks for something(present or just because) she gets it. I regularly take her on trips, which may just be 1-2 nights away from the kids but also might be 3-4 days. So no, she doesn’t get told no often about anything.
Following up on what @Holdingontoit
said, how much do you know about your wife's past? Did you have a vetting period prior to marriage, where you asked questions about each other and determined the degree of privacy each of you felt was needed for your history? And privacy going forward? We are products of our history, and her expectations for sex may be based on her life prior to you. If someone was looking for sex to be a wildly orgasmic ride and orgasms turned out to be elusive at best, they might totally miss out on the idea that sex represents a degree of intimacy, not just a physically wild ride, that is shared only between husband and wife.
Then again, is it possible that you're looking for something unrealistic? Maybe you're looking for that wild ride and missing out on intimacy yourself. Maybe your past was such that you associate sex with the physical act and not the feeling that comes from spending the night cuddled up with the woman you love after you'd made love. Sometimes wild monkey sex doesn't afford that type of feeling.
Perhaps we write off our wives as being not into sex enough because we're trying to connect with the wrong type of sex. A small bit of compromise might find a sex life that's more frequent and more passionate than you thought possible. Maybe the thrashing about gets replaced by longer moments of exchanged pleasant memories and thoughts of the future.
You have something many don't. Your wife is apparently not repulsed by sex. She may have inhibitions that actually do need to be addressed, especially if based upon past guilt. But it's possible it's simpler than that and the solution is at hand.
I think we need not just the 5 Love Languages, but perhaps the 5 Ways to Experience Sex. I don't know about the number, maybe it's 3? But point being, if we don't understand what meaningful sex means to our wife, how do we expect her to happily anticipate sex with us?