Update to original post - Talk About Marriage
Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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post #1 of 53 (permalink) Old 01-20-2020, 04:21 AM Thread Starter
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Update to original post

So last night before we went to bed I thought I would try talk to my wife regarding the night I first lost my mind and sat up and asked if she was masturbating and again she massively denied that she did anything and then it was so I don't belive her etc I belive is normal the man's fault and it's all in my head. I see if she's up for doing stuff and she wasn't like normal.
Any way roll on few hours I walk the dog then I go to bed she is already there as she went up before me and when I get into bed she is on her phone in bed so I get mine and play a quick game of cards then put it on side n lay down to go to sleep. She on the other side rolls to face other way from me and I can see light of her phone so she's on it still, around 20 mins later am still awake and her breathing get heavy while there still a light from her phone again her breathing and body to me was that she was masturbating again but on her phone this time so I didn't do anything thought I wait till she gets to certain point when she can't denie it if I catch her. So it's half hour in lights still coming from her phone and it seems like she has rested it on bedside table n then laying down facing it again sounds to say she was masturbating. She puts her phone down finally n rolls over covering her mouth with the dovet and shortly after more sounds and am positive the bed was moving time to time like from thrusting or rotations. I was awake for over a hour while she was on off making sounds and bed moving but not once I was able to get what I wanted and when I hinted that I was awake she stopped for 5/10 mins before starting again safe to say I had around 5 hours sleep as I fell asleep before I was able to see her "get off" and I have learnt women lie i can't not stay awake she finishes and I have to talk to her again and try get to end of this so I can get my life to normal
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post #2 of 53 (permalink) Old 01-20-2020, 10:45 AM
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Re: Update to original post

my first question is who was she taking too? or looking at on the phone? that is very brazen to do it in bed with you there .
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post #3 of 53 (permalink) Old 01-20-2020, 10:59 AM
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Re: Update to original post

1. Keep all your posts in a single thread. Much easier for everyone to follow your situation and give you helpful advice if they can see the whole story in one place.

2. File for divorce. If your wife is masturbating in bed right next to you, and when you ask her about it, she denies she is doing it, then you don't have any hope of success through talking to her. Plus, she has no respect for you. When a woman has no respect for a man, she has no sexual attraction either.

When you can see it coming, duck!
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post #4 of 53 (permalink) Old 01-20-2020, 11:05 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Lostinthought61 View Post
my first question is who was she taking too? or looking at on the phone? that is very brazen to do it in bed with you there .
That's what am not sure about who's shes talking to I know she made new friends and is active on some Facebook groups with these people and is really into the kpop group bts so there few people he could be talking to but I have no idea. Could of being videos of the members they All in their 20s and are "fit" dancers etc but I have no idea and yea I think it is bizarre
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post #5 of 53 (permalink) Old 01-21-2020, 07:52 PM
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Re: Update to original post

Dear Mr. Mrdubstar24;

The next time it happens, you might want to either choose path A or B.

A. Darling, I would be happy to help you with that as I enjoy the closeness it brings to us.

B. Darling, I find myself quite aroused, do you might if I relieve myself of some sexual tension after listening to you.


Seriously, tell her you love her. Tell her you won't judge her. Tell her you want to be there to support her and that you don't feel that self pleasuring is wrong or unlady-like.

Good luck. You could even suggest some counseling with a sex therapist and marriage counselor.
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post #6 of 53 (permalink) Old 01-21-2020, 08:25 PM
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Re: Update to original post

Aren't we all over-thinking this just a wee bit? Isn't the obvious answer "exposure"? He's awake, she's oblivious to that fact, just going at it, doing something she swears to him she doesn't do. What's so hard about literal exposure? Whip off the sheets? She can't react fast enough to recover, as it were.

I'm guessing the phone thing is porn, not an EA or PA, because if she was so brazen she'd do that in bed, with her husband, I suspect there are many other wrong things in this marriage that would be worthy of splitting up. I mean really, if she believes her husband is asleep, why wouldn't she sneak off to the bathroom, or any other room in the house, where she could get off without having to smother herself with a pillow?
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post #7 of 53 (permalink) Old 01-22-2020, 05:56 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Update to original post

Quote:
Originally Posted by Holdingontoit View Post
1. Keep all your posts in a single thread. Much easier for everyone to follow your situation and give you helpful advice if they can see the whole story in one place.

2. File for divorce. If your wife is masturbating in bed right next to you, and when you ask her about it, she denies she is doing it, then you don't have any hope of success through talking to her. Plus, she has no respect for you. When a woman has no respect for a man, she has no sexual attraction either.
okay just seen this sorry for late reply and that was a harsh truth but needed to hear what every one else thinks, I really find it hard as I was not much of a long term kind of guy I was a twat when I was younger and went to any girl offering it before I met her so this is my only long term relationship and if she dont find me attractive any more why not I haven't gained weight or changed much there then stopping smoking years ago. I work out abit so I dont look like the rock but I am fit how can she have no attraction anymore she gained weight since being pregnant but I still find her attractive.
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post #8 of 53 (permalink) Old 01-22-2020, 05:57 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Update to original post

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Originally Posted by Young at Heart View Post
Dear Mr. Mrdubstar24;

The next time it happens, you might want to either choose path A or B.

A. Darling, I would be happy to help you with that as I enjoy the closeness it brings to us.

B. Darling, I find myself quite aroused, do you might if I relieve myself of some sexual tension after listening to you.


Seriously, tell her you love her. Tell her you won't judge her. Tell her you want to be there to support her and that you don't feel that self pleasuring is wrong or unlady-like.

Good luck. You could even suggest some counseling with a sex therapist and marriage counselor.
I would seek marriage counselling but no idea how she react but I should have to say I wont judge her I never have I love her for who she is she should know I would never judge her.
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post #9 of 53 (permalink) Old 01-22-2020, 05:58 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Casual Observer View Post
Aren't we all over-thinking this just a wee bit? Isn't the obvious answer "exposure"? He's awake, she's oblivious to that fact, just going at it, doing something she swears to him she doesn't do. What's so hard about literal exposure? Whip off the sheets? She can't react fast enough to recover, as it were.

I'm guessing the phone thing is porn, not an EA or PA, because if she was so brazen she'd do that in bed, with her husband, I suspect there are many other wrong things in this marriage that would be worthy of splitting up. I mean really, if she believes her husband is asleep, why wouldn't she sneak off to the bathroom, or any other room in the house, where she could get off without having to smother herself with a pillow?
okay that's a rather simple idea but you know more I read it more it sounds really good idea.
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post #10 of 53 (permalink) Old 01-22-2020, 06:10 AM
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Re: Update to original post

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Originally Posted by Young at Heart View Post
The next time it happens, you might want to either choose path A or B.

A. Darling, I would be happy to help you with that as I enjoy the closeness it brings to us.

B. Darling, I find myself quite aroused, do you might if I relieve myself of some sexual tension after listening to you.
LOL. How sweet. Someone put on the Disney channel.

OP - do yourself a favor. You sound horribly passive and afraid of your wife. Download "No More Mr. Nice Guy" and read it a few times until you become a confident man who isn't afraid of his own shadow and or to take care of business at home.

Do it today.

Once you start seeing your worth, you'll find it harder to stay around people who don't.
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post #11 of 53 (permalink) Old 01-22-2020, 07:29 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by She'sStillGotIt View Post
LOL. How sweet. Someone put on the Disney channel.

OP - do yourself a favor. You sound horribly passive and afraid of your wife. Download "No More Mr. Nice Guy" and read it a few times until you become a confident man who isn't afraid of his own shadow and or to take care of business at home.

Do it today.
haha that made me laugh but I probs will read that lol
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post #12 of 53 (permalink) Old 01-22-2020, 07:52 AM
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Re: Update to original post

And just reach in and start rubbing where you'd like on her, and just join in helping her.

No warning just perhaps reach in to her nether region. Not timidly either. If she stops, just continue, and tell her to keep on too, because you think it's hot.

Positive reinforcement at all times. Even if she starts with argumentative words, kindly repeat darlin let's argue later if you want, right now just keep going.
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post #13 of 53 (permalink) Old 01-22-2020, 08:00 AM
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Originally Posted by Ragnar Ragnasson View Post
And just reach in and start rubbing where you'd like on her, and just join in helping her.

No warning just perhaps reach in to her nether region. Not timidly either. If she stops, just continue, and tell her to keep on too, because you think it's hot.

Positive reinforcement at all times. Even if she starts with argumentative words, kindly repeat darlin let's argue later if you want, right now just keep going.
That is bad advice.

You don't just plunge your hand into someone's genitals with no warning and then 'sweet talk' them into accepting it when they start to protest. Is this post some kind of freakin' JOKE?

Once you start seeing your worth, you'll find it harder to stay around people who don't.
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post #14 of 53 (permalink) Old 01-22-2020, 08:03 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Update to original post

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ragnar Ragnasson View Post
And just reach in and start rubbing where you'd like on her, and just join in helping her.

No warning just perhaps reach in to her nether region. Not timidly either. If she stops, just continue, and tell her to keep on too, because you think it's hot.

Positive reinforcement at all times. Even if she starts with argumentative words, kindly repeat darlin let's argue later if you want, right now just keep going.
and that's to far for me lol
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post #15 of 53 (permalink) Old 01-22-2020, 08:04 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by She'sStillGotIt View Post
That is bad advice.

You don't just plunge your hand into someone's genitals with no warning and then 'sweet talk' them into accepting it when they start to protest. Is this post some kind of freakin' JOKE?
I am here for advise but i wont do them all that is one i wont do.
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