Originally Posted by TheDudeLebowski View Post
I think they are being honest. 7.5 billion people on the planet. Shoot, if things went sour, just on this site alone there's quite a few people I wouldn't hesitate having a go at. Not that anyone here would feel that way about me in a million years haha <a href="https://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/TAMarriage_2015/smilies/tango_face_smile_big.png" border="0" alt="" title="Laugh" >:-)</a>
But there's loads of people on this planet. The commitment and trust issues now fall on those who've been hurt. Attempting to date before working all that out will only lead to frustration. Like there's nobody out there for them. Well, yeah there's no unicorns waiting out there to wash away all that pain and instantly thwart your (general your) trust and commitment issues. So if you're waiting on a miracle its not gonna happen.
The problem with married folks who've been married a long time is they aren't being honest about "Mr and Mrs right" as if their entire history together suddenly was erased from their memory. They weren't that in the beginning. They worked through many issues over a decade or two. Now 20 years later they tell everyone about "Mr and Mrs right" being out there. Um, no. Its just other people out there. People with their own hang ups and issues and red flags. Growing together is the journey.
The only destination in life is death. Other than that its all about the journey. If you're dating looking for a destination, you will never find it. There's probably somewhere around 500,000,000 people at least out there that would journey through heaven and hell with you if you open up that lap bar on the roller coaster for them. I picture a lot of single people keeping the lap bar down and asking others to hop in for a ride, and others are going "can you lift that lap bar so I can sit with you?" And they get a "nope. If you want me, you will find a way to work around all that and hang on some other way through this ride" and nobody is going for that. Or its two people with their lap bars down looking at each other waiting for somebody to lift that bar and neither do. To scared to try. Then they just take off on their separate tracks.
You kind of proved my point @TheDudeLebowski
. You're married, happily for the most part. You see "the other side" through a glass half full set of glasses. The reality is very, very different for the reasons you describe.
No one walks away from a relationship without scars and those scars are permanent. Trying to find a person you're willing to put up with, and who is willing to put up with you is almost impossible.
Many, many people who have been through a traumatic event such as divorce have learned from their mistakes. They are very aware of the things they do and don't want when looking for people to date.
For me, I feel like "growing" together is fine as long as we're on the path There is too much risk involved now that I'm older and have responsibilities that go well beyond me to try to grow together with someone with hangups, issues, and red flags that are not compatible to mine. And I know I'm not alone in my thinking. That's why I said that the appropriate response is "learn to be alone. The likelihood of finding Mr/Ms Right is low".
I do think it's wonderful that you have so much hope.