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post #136 of 365 (permalink) Old 10-01-2017, 10:20 AM
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Re: Ol' Arb Had Been Set Up On A Date! Help!

It is her loss I am sure!

As the saying goes, 'there are plenty more fish..............

or in your case 'plenty more camels in the desert..........'

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post #137 of 365 (permalink) Old 10-01-2017, 10:27 AM Thread Starter
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Cool Re: Ol' Arb Had Been Set Up On A Date! Help!

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It is her loss I am sure!

As the saying goes, 'there are plenty more fish..............

or in your case 'plenty more camels in the desert..........'
Only if I choose to go into the desert!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

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post #138 of 365 (permalink) Old 10-01-2017, 10:49 AM
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Re: Ol' Arb Had Been Set Up On A Date! Help!

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That's a great, inspiring story, Andy!

As for me, at least in regards to women, I've always been standoffish, afraid of incurring hurt or embarrassment. I'm Allstate In the business world and in law school, I was always a go-getter and have been told that I'm an inspirer, but won't usually let myself get close to anyone out of fear of getting hurt!

It's strange that in both of my prior marriages, my wives seemed to have picked me out, married me, then ultimately abandoned me in favor of others who more exactingly met their criteria; basically those who would be willing to commit adultery with them! I'm absolutely committed to never go that route again!
It took me about three months to convince J (my girlfriend) to be my girlfriend and anyone who knew me back then would have been amazed that I hung around for so long.She told me a while ago that the moment she met me she knew we would end up together but she had been very badly treated by the father of her son and was very cautious about men.She basically wanted to be courted and I was happy to do the courting.
The reason I tell you this is to explain that if I hadn’t made the first move,she certainly wouldn’t have and that would have been the end of that.
I’m speaking bluntly here when I say you are not a young man and you need to decide whether you want to have some sort of female companionship in your life or not and if you do you need to be prepared to be rejected and even embarrassed.You said that maybe god didn’t think you were compatible with Sylvia and that reminds me of a story I once heard.
This man inherited a house and moved in.The garden had been very badly neglected and he spent months working at it and finally he had a garden to be proud of.One day the pastor was passing and he said to the man “between yourself and the lord you have done a great job on your garden”The man replied “You should have seen it when the lord had it himself”
Remember Arb,God helps those that help themselves.
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post #139 of 365 (permalink) Old 10-01-2017, 11:46 AM
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Re: Ol' Arb Had Been Set Up On A Date! Help!

You know Arbitrator... I get you... You are one of the few on this forum that remind me of my husband.. the way you think , your romanticism, your
sensitivity, graciousness, despite the heartbreaks you have had.. faithful in every way...it's just who you are, your ideals...that's a Keeper... at least for a woman seeking a GOOD man (they are not easy to find !)...

Ya know...my Husband's been dumped twice before he met me... he felt I was out of his league.. and he is a quiet guy...not one to put himself out there.... but still he took that chance and rather quickly (within a week!)...Looking back I marvel at that..it makes me feel very special, as he's told me he was bracing himself for rejection even...but he did it anyway feeling someone else would come along & swoop me up.. and him being so honorable would not interfere with that.. I know you are wired the same way....

I was friendly though, when we met at the lunch table.. I guess my advice to you...in regards to women.... If you come across one who is showing herself "Friendly", smiling, throws a question or 2.... if you are interested.. TAKE THAT CHANCE...at least put your feelers out there.... you just never know...

Sorry to hear this fell through, she may have her own demons and fears she is battling....


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post #140 of 365 (permalink) Old 10-01-2017, 12:22 PM
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Re: Ol' Arb Had Been Set Up On A Date! Help!

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Damn, Y! Now I like that plan!
Not to put the cart before the horse here, but On Saturday I went out with my GF to see a band play. Her name is Jennie. So the band starts playing the song 867-5309. When the they sang "for a good time call!" I dialed her number, even as she sat right next to me. Needless to say, we had a good time later on. A VERY good time!
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post #141 of 365 (permalink) Old 10-01-2017, 12:28 PM
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Re: Ol' Arb Had Been Set Up On A Date! Help!

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God only knows! At least it wasn't an 11th hour bailout! But damned close to it, anyway!

I, in particular, want to profusely apologize to everyone here in the TAM family who I solicited their honest advice and concerned and witty commentary from, because it was honestly and forthrightly solicited by me!

I've got to go help cook breakfast up at Church in a little while so I'll likely not get to see my friend and her husband and that's OK because she already seems to be embarrassed enough over it!

I'll just chalk the intended dates "cold feet" up to someone's immaturity, smile, shake my head, and just move right on along!

Once again, thanks everybody!
Hey I just saw this. Sorry for her loss. As others have said there are plenty of fish in the sea. In the meantime, you have gained some tremendous advice which you will be able to incorporate into your "schtick" for the next one. So don't apologize! But she did do you a favor. If she got cold feet before meeting you, she is probably to skittish to get involved with.
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post #142 of 365 (permalink) Old 10-01-2017, 12:48 PM Thread Starter
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Cool Re: Ol' Arb Had Been Set Up On A Date! Help!

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You know Arbitrator... I get you... You are one of the few on this forum that remind me of my husband.. the way you think , your romanticism, your
sensitivity, graciousness, despite the heartbreaks you have had.. faithful in every way...it's just who you are, your ideals...that's a Keeper... at least for a woman seeking a GOOD man (they are not easy to find !)...

Ya know...my Husband's been dumped twice before he met me... he felt I was out of his league.. and he is a quiet guy...not one to put himself out there.... but still he took that chance and rather quickly (within a week!)...Looking back I marvel at that..it makes me feel very special, as he's told me he was bracing himself for rejection even...but he did it anyway feeling someone else would come along & swoop me up.. and him being so honorable would not interfere with that.. I know you are wired the same way....

I was friendly though, when we met at the lunch table.. I guess my advice to you...in regards to women.... If you come across one who is showing herself "Friendly", smiling, throws a question or 2.... if you are interested.. TAKE THAT CHANCE...at least put your feelers out there.... you just never know...

Sorry to hear this fell through, she may have her own demons and fears she is battling....
SA: Don't exactly know why, but I absolutely look upon you and your dear H as "the gold standard!

You two click, you're so good for each other, the way that a true married couple should interact, behave, and feel for each other!

Please never disappoint this old fart in that regard! Just keep on doing it by the book, Sweetheart!

Love you guys!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

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post #143 of 365 (permalink) Old 10-01-2017, 01:32 PM Thread Starter
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Cool Re: Ol' Arb Had Been Set Up On A Date! Help!

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Hey I just saw this. Sorry for her loss. As others have said there are plenty of fish in the sea. In the meantime, you have gained some tremendous advice which you will be able to incorporate into your "schtick" for the next one. So don't apologize! But she did do you a favor. If she got cold feet before meeting you, she is probably to skittish to get involved with.
While others may refer to it as "cold feet" I refer to it as a "character flaw!"

Told my best friend from Houston about it earlier this AM by phone, and his reply was the placating, "Well, perhaps next time, she'll wise up and reconsider!"

My reply to him was "Sorry Lee, but her 'next time' will be with someone else! Not me ~ no longer interested!"

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

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post #144 of 365 (permalink) Old 10-01-2017, 01:54 PM Thread Starter
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Cool Re: Ol' Arb Had Been Set Up On A Date! Help!

Went on to church very early this AM, worked in the kitchen cleaning up pots, pans, dishes, et. al. from the guys fixing breakfast, then went on up to Sunday School class where we had a rather large crowd in attendance.

Arriving late from having worked in the church kitchen, I had to take a single chair in the middle of the room and couldn't help but notice that my lady friend and her husband were sitting over behind me but I never looked directly at them!

Figuring that when the class let out, that she'd come up to me lathering and apologizing for Sylvia's actions, I just looked at my watch about 5 minutes prior to class dismissal and took a dive out of class into the parking lot! And not knowing if they would go to the main 11AM communion service, I just blew off church all together!

In retrospect, that was undoubtedly a "chicken-crap" move on my part, as I really didn't feel like hearing a lot of placative "I'm so sorry's," so I just drove on back home!

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post #145 of 365 (permalink) Old 10-01-2017, 04:13 PM Thread Starter
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What is with you two? Arb...Bibi.

It has to be 5:30 AM in Texas, now?

What, you have to feed the cattle or what at this hour?
I normally don't feed cattle until fairly late in the evening!

I had to arise early this AM to get up to church to help prepare breakfast!



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post #146 of 365 (permalink) Old 10-01-2017, 05:18 PM
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I too, have a an undiagnosed sleep disorder, as I'll often take series of naps all through the night. But it's my bladder that is what normally wakes me up and to wit, that's exactly when I heard my friends 2AM text alarm alerting me to the "cancellation!"

I do owe both her and her husband the world for thinking of me so much! And I feel so much more sorrier for my friend than I'm wanting my TAM brethren feeling bad for this old fart! I'm largely equating it to the fact that perhaps God didn't feel that the timing and/or the personalities just weren't right!

Now while ol' Arb is outgoing and gregarious in and of his own right, he ain't exactly one to walk right up and start charming on some lady, as I guess that I have a built in mechanism of duly being aversive to that activity and more succinctly to opening myself up for due embarrassment!

But I sure as hell won't follow your lead, Andy, in meeting up with someone in the wee hours of the morning!

Nonetheless, thanks for all of your ardent care and concern! Love you guys!

Have you tried joining a Christian dating site? Thats how I met my husband, and I know at least 10 other Christian couples who met that way. Its easier for men as well because there are far more women in the church than men.
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post #147 of 365 (permalink) Old 10-01-2017, 05:48 PM
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Re: Ol' Arb Had Been Set Up On A Date! Help!

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Went on to church very early this AM, worked in the kitchen cleaning up pots, pans, dishes, et. al. from the guys fixing breakfast, then went on up to Sunday School class where we had a rather large crowd in attendance.

Arriving late from having worked in the church kitchen, I had to take a single chair in the middle of the room and couldn't help but notice that my lady friend and her husband were sitting over behind me but I never looked directly at them!

Figuring that when the class let out, that she'd come up to me lathering and apologizing for Sylvia's actions, I just looked at my watch about 5 minutes prior to class dismissal and took a dive out of class into the parking lot! And not knowing if they would go to the main 11AM communion service, I just blew off church all together!

In retrospect, that was undoubtedly a "chicken-crap" move on my part, as I really didn't feel like hearing a lot of placative "I'm so sorry's," so I just drove on back home!
Don’t be so quick to write off Sylvia,she may have been as nervous as you about the date but she didn’t have the full force of the tam membership advising her.😂.
Iv’e re-read most of this thread and I think you were building Sylvia up in your mind,almost putting her on a pedestal so when she canceled you took it as a personal slight.These are not the actions of a confident man about to re-enter the dating game.
But as @Diana7 has said why don’t you consider a Christian dating site.I know you are very wary about women in general and with good reason but you have to give someone a chance or you will never get a co-walker for Mathias.I’m being facetious of course but it’s important to remember that not every date will lead to meeting the “one”.Dating is an interview process and nobody succeeds at every interview.
Instead of avoiding your friends why not suggest meeting them for dinner,maybe not tomorrow but soon.They tried to help you and now they feel terrible about the outcome.
And they may have other single friends....
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post #148 of 365 (permalink) Old 10-01-2017, 06:06 PM
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Re: Ol' Arb Had Been Set Up On A Date! Help!

The conspiracy theory ladden mind of mine thinks that with a little effort you could get some info on Sylvia. Assuming her real first name is relatively unusual and she's a teacher, can't be too difficult to get her last. Then a few Google's and you can assess if she's Frigidaire or not.

Also I would not avoid the friends; they may cough up some info as well about Sylvia or her story. Very gently of course.

Assuming you live in a smaller city of course, not Dallas
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post #149 of 365 (permalink) Old 10-01-2017, 07:38 PM Thread Starter
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Don’t be so quick to write off Sylvia,she may have been as nervous as you about the date but she didn’t have the full force of the tam membership advising her.��.
Iv’e re-read most of this thread and I think you were building Sylvia up in your mind,almost putting her on a pedestal so when she canceled you took it as a personal slight.These are not the actions of a confident man about to re-enter the dating game.
But as @Diana7 has said why don’t you consider a Christian dating site.I know you are very wary about women in general and with good reason but you have to give someone a chance or you will never get a co-walker for Mathias.I’m being facetious of course but it’s important to remember that not every date will lead to meeting the “one”.Dating is an interview process and nobody succeeds at every interview.
Instead of avoiding your friends why not suggest meeting them for dinner,maybe not tomorrow but soon.They tried to help you and now they feel terrible about the outcome.
And they may have other single friends....
Andy: I'm not the one deserving an apology, it is Sandy, the lady that was intervening in introducing us. Sandy intoned to me that "Sylvia" was "thrilled" with the prospects of meeting me and that our personalities and demeanors seemed to mesh and was a whole lot alike!

If there was any "building up" to speak of, I'd have to say that it was somebody else's that was richly conveyed to me! Now if passing along those sentiments to my friends is a crime, then please feel free to paint me guilty!

I don't really have the first damned clue as to what truthfully predicated the cancellation, more especially at such an odd hour in the wee hours of the morning! To my knowledge, we've never met each other, seen each other, much less even spoken. I absolutely wouldn't know the woman if she sauntered up and hit me squarely in the jaw with a 2X4!

As I said earlier, I'm not due the apology of any kind, but poor Sandy is! I don't really have time for such childish games being played by what is supposed to be mature and rational people!

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Last edited by arbitrator; 10-01-2017 at 07:42 PM. Reason: Edification
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post #150 of 365 (permalink) Old 10-01-2017, 07:50 PM Thread Starter
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Cool Re: Ol' Arb Had Been Set Up On A Date! Help!

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The conspiracy theory ladden mind of mine thinks that with a little effort you could get some info on Sylvia. Assuming her real first name is relatively unusual and she's a teacher, can't be too difficult to get her last. Then a few Google's and you can assess if she's Frigidaire or not.

Also I would not avoid the friends; they may cough up some info as well about Sylvia or her story. Very gently of course.

Assuming you live in a smaller city of course, not Dallas
Aggieland(Bryan/College Station) ain't small by a long shot! Not as big as say a Houston, Dallas, or San Antonio, but it's fairly good size.

At this juncture, I don't even want to know the first thing about her! While I don't know much, I know enough already!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

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