Intelligence and relationships - Page 9 - Talk About Marriage
The Social Spot Talk About Whatever.

User Tag List

 209Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #121 of 154 (permalink) Old 03-19-2019, 02:41 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 6,798
Re: Intelligence and relationships

My husband and I just looked up the origin of the phrase "to egg one one."

It comes from the expression "to exhort one to...."

Just like that Batman Villain Egghead who always wanted to eggsplain......

NextTimeAround is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #122 of 154 (permalink) Old 03-19-2019, 02:58 PM
Member
 
NobodySpecial's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 9,152
Re: Intelligence and relationships

Quote:
Originally Posted by NextTimeAround View Post
People will also use their own ignorance or laziness to make you look ignorant. Whenever I refer to foreign currency, "British pound" and one time "French franc" "German mark", My mother would say officiously "speak English......"

MMMkay, she's a college grad too. And would also wonder what she got for "all that money" that she spent on my private school education.

Water really does have to seek its own level. Those who feel intimidated by others who are more knowledgeable will use any kind of communication device to make that person look bad whether it's mocking; purposeful misunderstanding; false equivalencies, etc...... to make someone look bad and unintelligible. My grandfather used to talk over me.
I don't think misunderstanding is always purposeful or false equivalencies understood...

Quote:
I studied economics in college so among my family members there seem to be this big joke about GNP, yeah, it was that long ago. One of these many times when a family member tried to eke out a joke using "GNP" one of my brother's friends who had an MBA said to him, "that is a very important concept in economics." After that there were no more jokes about GNP....... of course it is now a retired concept replaced by GDP. That probably helps too.

In any case, I've learned not to be embarrassed by my, hmm, exposure, intelligence, knowledgeableness........ nowadays I just pack it up and take it elsewhere.
NobodySpecial is offline  
post #123 of 154 (permalink) Old 03-19-2019, 03:08 PM
Member
 
Ursula's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,666
Re: Intelligence and relationships

In a word, yes, with my XH. I would describe my XH as having a brilliant mind, and mine is pretty average. He has 2 Masters degrees, a Doctorate and a Post-doctorate, and he's also a University prof. Many time throughout our marriage, he used terms that were either highly intelligent or had originated in another country. Either way, I had never heard them before, and would question them. I also would question why he'd choose a term like that when he could have chosen to say it another way. His thing was in teaching people, even outside the classroom, my thing was gauging your audience, and speaking to them in a way that your point is understood. He often accused me of not wanting to learn, but that's not the case. I just wasn't one of his students; I was his wife, and communication between us was already hard enough. So yes, our relationship was greatly affected by this because I simply didn't have the time that he had to read, research and study because I had all the housework, cooking, yardwork to do, and he wasn't willing to meet me halfway. Eventually, I stopped talking to him about anything meaningful.

On the flip-side though, he had little common sense, and had to be taught things like how to check plants to see if they needed water. He also had to figure out the physics equation that would help him to drain the water out of the watering hose before storing it for the winter. I on the other hand, just make sure it hangs down from a high point to drain, can take on most home reno projects, and am good at figuring out how to do almost any repair task thrown at me.
Ursula is offline  
 
post #124 of 154 (permalink) Old 03-19-2019, 08:52 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
red oak's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,487
Re: Intelligence and relationships

Quote:
Originally Posted by Andy1001 View Post
Does your interest in etymology stretch to Shakespeare?
I seen a tv show about the amount of phrases in use today which he coined.
“Wild Goose chase”
“Pure as the driven snow”
“Short shrift”
“Green eyed monster”
And this is just a fraction of his work which is still in use.
Etymology or euphemism??

I peruse etymology for words which historically meant one thing and supposedly mean something different now, but are still, through some unknown channel used, in the original context.

An example being "nice" historically meant 'silly, foolish, stupid."

Now is supposed to mean PLEASING, AGREEABLE.

Yet to watch some womens face, and voice pattern when she refers to a man as a "nice guy" but not interested it still has the same implied connotation it's a silly idea or don't be stupid.

As for euphemisms: studied many hebrew and middle eastern before the time of 400 or so A.D.

Drink from your own cistern.

Plow the fertile fields.....


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

The only difference between 'propaganda' and 'education,' really, is in the point of view. The advocacy of what we believe in is education. The advocacy of what we don't believe in is propaganda.-Edward Bernays
red oak is online now  
post #125 of 154 (permalink) Old 03-19-2019, 08:54 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
red oak's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,487
Re: Intelligence and relationships

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ursula View Post
In a word, yes, with my XH. I would describe my XH as having a brilliant mind, and mine is pretty average. He has 2 Masters degrees, a Doctorate and a Post-doctorate, and he's also a University prof. Many time throughout our marriage, he used terms that were either highly intelligent or had originated in another country. Either way, I had never heard them before, and would question them. I also would question why he'd choose a term like that when he could have chosen to say it another way. His thing was in teaching people, even outside the classroom, my thing was gauging your audience, and speaking to them in a way that your point is understood. He often accused me of not wanting to learn, but that's not the case. I just wasn't one of his students; I was his wife, and communication between us was already hard enough. So yes, our relationship was greatly affected by this because I simply didn't have the time that he had to read, research and study because I had all the housework, cooking, yardwork to do, and he wasn't willing to meet me halfway. Eventually, I stopped talking to him about anything meaningful.

On the flip-side though, he had little common sense, and had to be taught things like how to check plants to see if they needed water. He also had to figure out the physics equation that would help him to drain the water out of the watering hose before storing it for the winter. I on the other hand, just make sure it hangs down from a high point to drain, can take on most home reno projects, and am good at figuring out how to do almost any repair task thrown at me.
Thank you for sharing Ursula.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

The only difference between 'propaganda' and 'education,' really, is in the point of view. The advocacy of what we believe in is education. The advocacy of what we don't believe in is propaganda.-Edward Bernays
red oak is online now  
post #126 of 154 (permalink) Old 03-19-2019, 09:58 PM
Forum Supporter
 
TheDudeLebowski's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: DFW
Posts: 4,276
Re: Intelligence and relationships

Quote:
Originally Posted by red oak View Post
Performed a search here and didn't find any topics.

Has anyone's intelligence ever effected your relationship good or bad.

I had never considered myself above average intelligence, although I did occasionally wonder why one of the very few people I could have a meeting of the minds with, sans constant repetition and explainations, was my maternal grandfather.

Had never thought it odd that I could read and comprehend the scriptures at 8yr old, or was reading Shakespeare, vedic and philosophy at 11yr old.
With my first wife, she had a couple blow ups during regular conversations from my use of words she couldn't understand. Found from those 2 blow ups most people felt I was always talking down to them because I used words they didn't understand and resulting in resentment of my wife towards me.
It never really sank in until years later although I did start struggling to use a minimized vocabulary increasing difficulty for me to communicate.

Years after I divorced her it sank in when talking with a couple of college educated people.
They were discussing a lawsuit where one party was the defendant and were concerned of another from same plaintiff.
I asked, "are they litigious?" The blank looks and following, "you need to speak in English we don't know what the hell your talking about" made my XW statement hit home.

After rephrasing, "are they prone to implementing or engaging in frivolous lawsuits " and a little good natured joking all was well.

Looking back I can see how IQ differences were front runner for resentment in the marriage.

My wifes is 130's and we get along well although she says she still has a hard time keeping up she enjoys the challenge of learning.
Has anyone else had a marriage effected similarly?
I'm generally more aware of things, but I wouldn't say I'm smarter than my wife. I don't know though. Maybe I'm to dumb to notice. My dad is very intelligent. Or aware. I'm not sure I've ever known the difference. He watches jeopardy and knows basically all the answers ever.

I've never taken an IQ test. I aced nearly every test I ever took but I got bad grades because I never wanted to do homework. School was boring as hell. I like physical work. I'm good at sales. I rely on charisma and hard labor to get me by. I have a pretty good memory and I certainly have better reading comprehension than my wife. She's a lot better and smarter than me in other areas. Or again, maybe she's just more aware. She has an easier time sitting down and learning something that doesn't excite her or is downright boring to her. Even out of necessity, if I hate it, I have a hard time retaining information. So she outstripes me in that area.

We are probably pretty even overall.

If my devils are to leave me, I'm afraid my angels will take flight as well.
TheDudeLebowski is offline  
post #127 of 154 (permalink) Old 03-19-2019, 10:40 PM
Forum Supporter
 
SunCMars's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Where have all the friends gone? Where is Red Dog? Why is the Red Queen raising an army?
Posts: 11,407
Re: Intelligence and relationships

His high native intelligence has made THRD, a lonely man.

When young, it became very clear that he should not express his views.

Rarely, could he say what was on his mind at any given time, or what his true views were.

Luckily, he has others in his head that have no problem echoing the popular chatter, when needed.

THRD, wanted to teach Philosophy, but, we all ended up having a very technical career in factory automation and engineering.

Somebody has to work. We all needed to eat.

The Martians in our head kept us in the military reserves for almost 40 years.

At work, I was SunCMars. He is an great planner and a egghead. And when needed, he can become a very cerebral and cool blood-thirsty warrior.

At home, The Typist I, always seemed to take over. He generally remained silent, and was always daydreaming. The knucklehead just genuinely grinned and laughed a lot.

Lilith is way over-sexed and drives all of us crazy. She is out of control.

Don't ask us about The Red Queen, she marches to her own drum. She does visit our head, but she never does overnighters.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out. The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall.
The Host, Rd is ill, any years left, remain now, in doubt? Red Dog is now lost to us.
SunCMars is offline  
post #128 of 154 (permalink) Old 03-19-2019, 10:49 PM
Member
 
ConanHub's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Abroad. Mid to eastern U.S.
Posts: 12,366
Re: Intelligence and relationships

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ursula View Post
In a word, yes, with my XH. I would describe my XH as having a brilliant mind, and mine is pretty average. He has 2 Masters degrees, a Doctorate and a Post-doctorate, and he's also a University prof. Many time throughout our marriage, he used terms that were either highly intelligent or had originated in another country. Either way, I had never heard them before, and would question them. I also would question why he'd choose a term like that when he could have chosen to say it another way. His thing was in teaching people, even outside the classroom, my thing was gauging your audience, and speaking to them in a way that your point is understood. He often accused me of not wanting to learn, but that's not the case. I just wasn't one of his students; I was his wife, and communication between us was already hard enough. So yes, our relationship was greatly affected by this because I simply didn't have the time that he had to read, research and study because I had all the housework, cooking, yardwork to do, and he wasn't willing to meet me halfway. Eventually, I stopped talking to him about anything meaningful.

On the flip-side though, he had little common sense, and had to be taught things like how to check plants to see if they needed water. He also had to figure out the physics equation that would help him to drain the water out of the watering hose before storing it for the winter. I on the other hand, just make sure it hangs down from a high point to drain, can take on most home reno projects, and am good at figuring out how to do almost any repair task thrown at me.
He sounds peachy.

I could talk in terms most around me don't understand. I could consistently do it to my wife as well.

I could also intentionally alienate all my friends and family.

I don't get what the payoff in doing that would be however.

Being capable of something your spouse isn't should be used for each other, not as a divisive tool.

At one point, my wife could run 10 miles at about a 7.25 mile an hour pace. I've never been able to do that. Along the line of thought your ex had, maybe she should have left me in the dust for a man who could keep up with her.
ConanHub is online now  
post #129 of 154 (permalink) Old 03-19-2019, 11:12 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
red oak's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,487
Re: Intelligence and relationships

Quote:
Originally Posted by ConanHub View Post
At one point, my wife could run 10 miles at about a 7.25 mile an hour pace. I've never been able to do that. Along the line of thought your ex had, maybe she should have left me in the dust for a man who could keep up with her.
LOL. Adds new meaning to what my dear old friend used to say. When you're young and first married you chase her all around the house, but when you get old you need a smaller bed room so she has less chance to get away.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

The only difference between 'propaganda' and 'education,' really, is in the point of view. The advocacy of what we believe in is education. The advocacy of what we don't believe in is propaganda.-Edward Bernays
red oak is online now  
post #130 of 154 (permalink) Old 03-20-2019, 10:55 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 7,933
Re: Intelligence and relationships

As a slight aside, I've always been amused by the media's portrayal of education.

I seem to remember a Clancy story where someone was described as being so brilliant that they had *two* PhD's in science. (in science fields a PhD is just one step in a long chain - there is very rarely a reason to get 2 unless you couldn't get a job / postdoc after the first one).

Or, "he is a world expert, he did his *thesis* on that". (Thesis is a very very early career sort of thing. Most people hope no one every finds their thesis since its usually pretty embarrassing).

uhtred is offline  
post #131 of 154 (permalink) Old 03-20-2019, 11:08 AM
Banned
 
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 6,889
"I could talk in terms most around me don't understand. I could consistently do it to my wife as well.
I could also intentionally alienate all my friends and family.
I don't get what the payoff in doing that would be however."

There must be some payoff, otherwise people low EQ and low self esteem disguised as ego wouldn't do it so often.
personofinterest is offline  
post #132 of 154 (permalink) Old 03-20-2019, 11:13 AM
Member
 
NobodySpecial's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 9,152
Re: Intelligence and relationships

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ursula View Post
In a word, yes, with my XH. I would describe my XH as having a brilliant mind, and mine is pretty average. He has 2 Masters degrees, a Doctorate and a Post-doctorate, and he's also a University prof. Many time throughout our marriage, he used terms that were either highly intelligent or had originated in another country. Either way, I had never heard them before, and would question them. I also would question why he'd choose a term like that when he could have chosen to say it another way. His thing was in teaching people, even outside the classroom, my thing was gauging your audience, and speaking to them in a way that your point is understood. He often accused me of not wanting to learn, but that's not the case. I just wasn't one of his students; I was his wife, and communication between us was already hard enough. So yes, our relationship was greatly affected by this because I simply didn't have the time that he had to read, research and study because I had all the housework, cooking, yardwork to do, and he wasn't willing to meet me halfway. Eventually, I stopped talking to him about anything meaningful.
As exhausting as it would be for you to not understand his speech, I imagine it would be exhausting to him to have to think about his words to get through. Basic incompatibility seems more likely that evil intent to lord it over you, though clearly I don't know your story.

Quote:
On the flip-side though, he had little common sense, and had to be taught things like how to check plants to see if they needed water. He also had to figure out the physics equation that would help him to drain the water out of the watering hose before storing it for the winter. I on the other hand, just make sure it hangs down from a high point to drain, can take on most home reno projects, and am good at figuring out how to do almost any repair task thrown at me.
My husband is, hands down, way more intelligent that I am. And we joke about what good it has done him. Not all intelligent representation is useful.
NobodySpecial is offline  
post #133 of 154 (permalink) Old 03-20-2019, 01:24 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
red oak's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,487
Re: Intelligence and relationships

Quote:
Originally Posted by NobodySpecial View Post
As exhausting as it would be for you to not understand his speech, I imagine it would be exhausting to him to have to think about his words to get through. Basic incompatibility seems more likely that evil intent to lord it over you, though clearly I don't know your story.
^^^^^This^^^^^^

I went through the stress and exhaustion of trying to find ways to explain things on a disagreeable level in college.
In speech and essay writing, even though it was understandable to the professor, i had to completely reorder my sentence structure. More than 2 commas, or if it needed a semicolon, sentence was too long.

Quote:
"People's attention span is shorter now. Learn to think differently. They don't want to think."
It forced a start to thinking in a foreign pattern.

Looking back college was when my vocabulary and ability to concisely deliver ideas began to suffer as a result of writing in a way which appealed/catered to the new and modern way of thinking.
It wasn't about learning as much as conforming to new norms.

As a result I now find myself writing and rewriting from flipping back and forth between foreign pattern and myself.

What's crazy about the educational system when I was in school.
I got compliments by older teachers in eng/lit for conciseness of writing all throughout 1-12, but crap from mathematics.
Mathematics in 1-12th was all about do it there way or it's wrong: Conformity to authority.

College was the opposite. Write their way or get bad grades. Conformity of thought.
Mathematics do it any way you want as long as the answer is right.

Why i hate the educational system.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

The only difference between 'propaganda' and 'education,' really, is in the point of view. The advocacy of what we believe in is education. The advocacy of what we don't believe in is propaganda.-Edward Bernays
red oak is online now  
post #134 of 154 (permalink) Old 03-20-2019, 01:31 PM
Member
 
Ursula's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,666
Re: Intelligence and relationships

Quote:
Originally Posted by NobodySpecial View Post
As exhausting as it would be for you to not understand his speech, I imagine it would be exhausting to him to have to think about his words to get through. Basic incompatibility seems more likely that evil intent to lord it over you, though clearly I don't know your story.

My husband is, hands down, way more intelligent that I am. And we joke about what good it has done him. Not all intelligent representation is useful.
I would be inclined to agree with you, but XH was a self-described pompous ******* (his words, not mine). He was the type of person who talked above people because he thought he was better than everyone else, and he admitted that to me once. Otherwise yes, I would be inclined to agree with you!
Ursula is offline  
post #135 of 154 (permalink) Old 03-20-2019, 01:54 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
red oak's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 1,487
Re: Intelligence and relationships

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ursula View Post
I would be inclined to agree with you, but XH was a self-described pompous ******* (his words, not mine). He was the type of person who talked above people because he thought he was better than everyone else, and he admitted that to me once. Otherwise yes, I would be inclined to agree with you!
Such is uncalled for.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

The only difference between 'propaganda' and 'education,' really, is in the point of view. The advocacy of what we believe in is education. The advocacy of what we don't believe in is propaganda.-Edward Bernays
red oak is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in










Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Intelligence as an attractive quality southbound The Ladies' Lounge 279 11-14-2018 10:31 PM
RT's Ultimate Affair Plan Relationship Teacher Coping with Infidelity 325 05-01-2017 10:18 PM
Can sex be truly fulfilling without an orgasm? GavinM Sex in Marriage 163 05-14-2016 05:08 PM
ACOA's and other dysfunctional trauma and its effects on life and relationships. Blossom Leigh General Relationship Discussion 22 02-18-2016 04:58 PM

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome