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post #16 of 34 (permalink) Old 10-07-2019, 09:17 AM
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Re: Are we really this selfish?

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Originally Posted by Girl_power View Post
I need to vent.

My friend is a single mom of a 4 year old boy. She doesnít have a big family and she constantly feels guilty that her son doesnít have a big active family and siblings and so forth. This guilt causes her to want to make everything perfect for her son, and he is the center of her world in a very bad negative way. For example, her apartment is filled with toys, all along the walls like itís his apartment not hers. Anyway... her mom is single and is hardworking and does the best she can if that makes sense. She babysits her son all the time, and my friend was telling me how she is upset because her mom being ďmiserableĒ and unhappy is affecting her son, so much that he doesnít want her to go to work bc he doesnít want to be left with his grandma. I couldnít believe my ears!! I love my friend and I disagree with her parenting but of course itís not my place. But I was blown away by the words that were coming out of her mouth so I couldnít hold my tongue.

Maybe you should teach your son empathy! Her son should be like grandma whatís wrong? And concerned for her instead of... ah grandma crabby again I donít want her to hang out with me because she is no fun. Like this kid needs to learn that itís not all about him! And how does he learn that? From his mom! Oh grandma doesnít feel well, letís make her her favorite meal to cheer her up. Oh dads sick, letís make him some chicken soup etc. I felt so bad for her mother! Like she is not allowed to have a bad day.

I think that we are just becoming more and more selfish and we donít even realize it. It use to be standard to send thank you cards, to visit loved ones to greet the new neighbors and invite them over, or visit people in the hospital etc. now it seems everyone lives for themselves and there is no doing something nice for someone else. And it translates to our significant others right? Make your husband his favorite meal. Wear something sexy for him. Take your wife to the ballet, buy her flowers, make her dinner and clean up after.

Iím crabby and being negative but I hope there are still people helping other people and doing special things for them. I think we all need to do something nice this week for our loved ones!
Damn right !!

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post #17 of 34 (permalink) Old 10-07-2019, 09:17 AM
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Re: Are we really this selfish?

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As far as her whole apartment being completely filled with his toys Iím very opinionated on this. I think that her apartment should be her apartment, an adult apartment with her kid living in there. Which means that he has a place for his stuff, like his room. the apartment should be filled with adult things if that makes sense. The kid should know that it is not his playground, not his place. But know that he is living at his moms place and he needs to be respectful of her things.


The father and her were in a relationship for a short period of time when she got pregnant. They share 50:50 custody. I donít know where the 10 kids is coming from but the both of them only have him as a child. He is an only child and is already spoiled.

My friend told me that she canít even put anything out in her apartment thatís nice and decorative because her son will destroy it. So basically every single thing that is out in her house is for him, I told her that she needs to take control of her house, but her stuff out and teach him that this is mommyís stuff and not to break it and he needs to learn that not every single thing is HIS. But she doesnít do this.

Itís obvious why he is having trouble in school. He doesnít know how to share. He got in trouble the Other day because he wouldnít share with a little girl and he told her he hated her and made her cry.

She is raising a completely selfish, egocentric child.
With regards to his things being in her apartment, have you got children?
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post #18 of 34 (permalink) Old 10-07-2019, 09:23 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Are we really this selfish?

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Wow. Please dont ever have children!









This is probably why he is objecting to staying with his grandmother. She probably DOES discipline and try to teach him, and he doesnt like it because Mom has no boundaries.


Sorry but boundaries start at home. I had to learn that not everything is mine to touch and play with. It was always my parents house. I had a toy box and a bedroom and when I was done playing with my toys, they were to be put away.
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post #19 of 34 (permalink) Old 10-07-2019, 09:24 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Are we really this selfish?

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With regards to his things being in her apartment, have you got children?


I donít treat him like a thing. I just believe kids need structure and boundaries. And that kid is my godson and I love him very much, but when he comes over to my apartment he is a terror.

And no I donít have kids.
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post #20 of 34 (permalink) Old 10-07-2019, 09:31 AM
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Cool Re: Are we really this selfish?

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Originally Posted by Girl_power View Post
I need to vent.

My friend is a single mom of a 4 year old boy. She doesn’t have a big family and she constantly feels guilty that her son doesn’t have a big active family and siblings and so forth. This guilt causes her to want to make everything perfect for her son, and he is the center of her world in a very bad negative way. For example, her apartment is filled with toys, all along the walls like it’s his apartment not hers. Anyway... her mom is single and is hardworking and does the best she can if that makes sense. She babysits her son all the time, and my friend was telling me how she is upset because her mom being “miserable” and unhappy is affecting her son, so much that he doesn’t want her to go to work bc he doesn’t want to be left with his grandma. I couldn’t believe my ears!! I love my friend and I disagree with her parenting but of course it’s not my place. But I was blown away by the words that were coming out of her mouth so I couldn’t hold my tongue.

Maybe you should teach your son empathy! Her son should be like grandma what’s wrong? And concerned for her instead of... ah grandma crabby again I don’t want her to hang out with me because she is no fun. Like this kid needs to learn that it’s not all about him! And how does he learn that? From his mom! Oh grandma doesn’t feel well, let’s make her her favorite meal to cheer her up. Oh dads sick, let’s make him some chicken soup etc. I felt so bad for her mother! Like she is not allowed to have a bad day.

I think that we are just becoming more and more selfish and we don’t even realize it. It use to be standard to send thank you cards, to visit loved ones to greet the new neighbors and invite them over, or visit people in the hospital etc. now it seems everyone lives for themselves and there is no doing something nice for someone else. And it translates to our significant others right? Make your husband his favorite meal. Wear something sexy for him. Take your wife to the ballet, buy her flowers, make her dinner and clean up after.

I’m crabby and being negative but I hope there are still people helping other people and doing special things for them. I think we all need to do something nice this week for our loved ones!
Her son will become the unenviable byproduct of all that he is taught!

The blame, IMHO, lies solely on his parents shoulders!

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Last edited by arbitrator; 10-07-2019 at 09:40 AM. Reason: Modification
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post #21 of 34 (permalink) Old 10-07-2019, 09:35 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Are we really this selfish?

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Her son will become the unenviable byproduct of all that he is taught!



The blame, IMHO, lies solely on his mothers shoulders!


Itís both his parents.
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post #22 of 34 (permalink) Old 10-07-2019, 09:38 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Are we really this selfish?

She just doesnít get it. And I donít say much because I know I have no right to talk about parenting when Iím not a parent. But she comes to me complaining all the time about him and itís hard to hold my tongue.

She is just very victim mentality and she feels guilty and bad for her son bc of their circumstance and therefore tries to make everything ďperfectĒ and ďgoodĒ for him.
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post #23 of 34 (permalink) Old 10-07-2019, 10:11 AM
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Re: Are we really this selfish?

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Originally Posted by Girl_power View Post
I need to vent.

My friend is a single mom of a 4 year old boy. --snip--
self centered is the textbook definition of 4 years old.

the ability to see the world from the perspective of another person is advanced emotional intelligence that many adults never achieve.

I won't tell you never to have kids or how wrong you are. I just don't think you understand yet how complicated this topic really is.
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post #24 of 34 (permalink) Old 10-07-2019, 11:01 AM
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Re: Are we really this selfish?

Curious if you have actually witnessed the interaction between the child and his grandmother? Seems very possible to me that the grandmother may resent having to watch her grandchild so often and the feelings manifest themselves in her attitude toward the child.

I know I prefer to avoid "miserable" people. Not sure why a 4-year old would not feel the same. Especially considering that he is essentially helpless/powerless when under her supervision.
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post #25 of 34 (permalink) Old 10-07-2019, 11:17 AM
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Re: Are we really this selfish?

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self centered is the textbook definition of 4 years old.

the ability to see the world from the perspective of another person is advanced emotional intelligence that many adults never achieve.

I won't tell you never to have kids or how wrong you are. I just don't think you understand yet how complicated this topic really is.
yes, but I have read about children 7 or 8 years old, maybe younger, who take on adult responsibility due to sick parent or whatever. There are reports from the border that children of nearly the same ages are taking care of the children younger than they are. Sometimes giving them the only food they have.

Perhaps it's environment that causes these acts of generosity. It seems to me that this child spends too much time around adults who are also trained to put children first instead of other children his age where if it's caught soon enough, the child may learn he needs to negotiate many of his situations.

ETA: I have also read that the oldest daughter (not oldest child) of Octomom spent the first few years of her octo siblings taking on the adult roles of housekeeper, cook, feeder and so on..... that girl will probably never be able to say no again in her life.


Last edited by NextTimeAround; 10-07-2019 at 11:23 AM.
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post #26 of 34 (permalink) Old 10-07-2019, 12:18 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Are we really this selfish?

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Curious if you have actually witnessed the interaction between the child and his grandmother? Seems very possible to me that the grandmother may resent having to watch her grandchild so often and the feelings manifest themselves in her attitude toward the child.



I know I prefer to avoid "miserable" people. Not sure why a 4-year old would not feel the same. Especially considering that he is essentially helpless/powerless when under her supervision.


Yes I have watched them together. This is actually my aunt and cousin Iím talking about. His grandma is considered ďstrictĒ by the little boy because he doesnít get away with anything like he does at his moms house.
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post #27 of 34 (permalink) Old 10-07-2019, 12:21 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Are we really this selfish?

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Originally Posted by Mr. Nail View Post
self centered is the textbook definition of 4 years old.



the ability to see the world from the perspective of another person is advanced emotional intelligence that many adults never achieve.



I won't tell you never to have kids or how wrong you are. I just don't think you understand yet how complicated this topic really is.


I do understand the normal behavior of a 4 year old trust me. I also know that he is very smart and manipulative like most kids that age. He knows what is right and wrong.
I also know that kids need discipline and this kid doesnít have any.
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post #28 of 34 (permalink) Old 10-07-2019, 12:50 PM
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Re: Are we really this selfish?

I have two friends who are about my age and they are only children. I've known one since grade school and the other since the 90s. Both of them are genuine, generous, reliable. I never felt as if I had to be anything other than straight forward with them. One might think that only children might be raised spoiled but these two contradict that belief.
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post #29 of 34 (permalink) Old 10-07-2019, 06:51 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Are we really this selfish?

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I have two friends who are about my age and they are only children. I've known one since grade school and the other since the 90s. Both of them are genuine, generous, reliable. I never felt as if I had to be anything other than straight forward with them. One might think that only children might be raised spoiled but these two contradict that belief.


Of course it all depends on how we are raised.
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post #30 of 34 (permalink) Old 10-07-2019, 07:12 PM
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Re: Are we really this selfish?

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Originally Posted by Girl_power View Post
The father had a very toxic messed up relationship with my friend. And the grandpa moved away with his new wife.
Hmmm?

See the pattern here?

Her ex-husband was not a good choice, was toxic. Her own father left her mother. One of the two (or both) of her parents are toxic.

Maybe, grandpa finally had enough of grumpy grandma, or maybe grandma was fine and grandpa had no need for her after meeting a new woman?

My point?

The pattern is repeating.

Many seem to be trapped (psychologically, and in real life placing) by their lineage and their inherited genetics. As if this is their due, their allotted Fate.

OK, so what?

Yeah, that is the response I get ....




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