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post #1 of 76 (permalink) Old 01-22-2020, 07:52 AM Thread Starter
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Immaturity

We are all immature then we grow up and become mature... hopefully.
Generally speaking the more responsibility one has the quicker/more likely one will become mature. (Not always but usually).
My question is... do you think at a certain age if your not mature... your not going to be mature?

For example... If I am seeing a man in his early 30s who has never been married and has no kids but he is immature... do you think he will become mature after marriage/kids? Or do you think this is going to be him for life?

Is there a double standard with maturity in relationships? Is there a current problem with the new generation with lack of maturity?

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post #2 of 76 (permalink) Old 01-22-2020, 08:34 AM
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Re: Immaturity

Still immature by the early 30's? Man or woman, at that point what you see is what you get. We're talking about a decade and a half past legal adulthood and at least 5-7 years past when the human brain fully develops. He is who he is.

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
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post #3 of 76 (permalink) Old 01-22-2020, 08:37 AM
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Re: Immaturity

What does he do that you would consider as immature?
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post #4 of 76 (permalink) Old 01-22-2020, 09:10 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Immaturity

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What does he do that you would consider as immature?


He says weird dumb things in social work settings that make other people look at me like ahhh okkk.
He doesnít have a well balanced life.
Video games.
Itís hard to explain I guess.
My brother is 35 and very immature. He is married with his first kid on the way. He hates being home. He is always out hanging with friends and he watching sports and drinking. But he recently bought a home and there are a million things that need to be done at home. Every time I come over there are a million dishes in the sink, and he litter everywhere. To me, the mature thing would be to take care of things in your home before going out. Thatís what I mean by not having a well balanced life. Like priorities are a little out of whack.
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post #5 of 76 (permalink) Old 01-22-2020, 09:18 AM
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Re: Immaturity

a guy becomes mature when he meets the right woman - who can fix him properly
or he will have a breakdown and run far away
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post #6 of 76 (permalink) Old 01-22-2020, 09:21 AM
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Re: Immaturity

I think people can mature, but I don't think it's common and I wouldn't expect it. I certainly wouldn't go into a marriage hoping or expecting someone to change AFTER marriage and/or kids. That's a doomed marriage.
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post #7 of 76 (permalink) Old 01-22-2020, 09:22 AM
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Re: Immaturity

Looking at my friends, some I can see maturing and some I cannot. It depends on the level of immaturity. I'd be willing to bet that your brother is NOT going to change his ways.

I have one friend, he's mid-30's, and he's an idiot. He's terrible with money, sees credit cards as free money, gets $100,000 into debt then his parents bail him out, he is at bars and clubs every Friday and Saturday, he cheats, he's been in a weird off/on relationship for a couple years, never married, no kids, buys a new car every year, is an idiot in relationships, etc, etc. There is NO chance in hell this guy is changing if/when he gets married and I frequently feel bad for whoever he ends up with - though, she'd be an idiot too.

I have another friend, he's late-30's. He has never been married and does not have kids. He didn't even lose his virginity until a year ago. We were all SURE he was gay but he said he was waiting for "the one". Whatever. He has a stable job, owns a house, seems to be good with money, but he's a idiot when it comes to women and relationships. He says dumb stuff, expects dumb stuff. He's selfish, he can't apologize when he's wrong, always has to be right, he was going to bars and clubs every weekend (no idea why), he's needy and clingy, etc. He's in a relationship now, it seems to be going well and he's slowly changing. Everyone is noticing it.

Another guy, mid-30's, just had his first baby. He didn't mature when he got married and sure hasn't matured since having a baby. He spends no time with his family, doesn't help, doesn't clean or cook, and instead spends 8+ hours a day playing video games. He was doing that before marriage, before kids, and he's still doing it after marriage and kids. His wife was a fool for expecting him to magically change.

And, I was an immature ******* until I was abruptly forced out of it.
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post #8 of 76 (permalink) Old 01-22-2020, 09:22 AM
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Re: Immaturity

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Originally Posted by Girl_power View Post
He says weird dumb things in social work settings that make other people look at me like ahhh okkk.
He doesnít have a well balanced life.
Video games.
Itís hard to explain I guess.
My brother is 35 and very immature. He is married with his first kid on the way. He hates being home. He is always out hanging with friends and he watching sports and drinking. But he recently bought a home and there are a million things that need to be done at home. Every time I come over there are a million dishes in the sink, and he litter everywhere. To me, the mature thing would be to take care of things in your home before going out. Thatís what I mean by not having a well balanced life. Like priorities are a little out of whack.
The guy I dated between marriages was as well immature by my judgement. Since it's your life, don't let anyone shame you into "giving the guy a chance" or putting with something you don't want to.

If he has habits, values, goals that you feel will interfere with your habits, values, and goals then you two are not a match.

I gave Mr. between Marriages more chances than I should have because he contacted my sister often enough that she felt she had something to say about our relationship. This why I say I would not choose a guy who pandered to my family. It does not matter whether it's mature or immature behavior.

I would say, don't call it mature /immature behavior. Just call it acceptable / unacceptable.
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post #9 of 76 (permalink) Old 01-22-2020, 10:09 AM
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Re: Immaturity

I think that there are a lot of aspects to "maturity". I tend to divide maturity into "acting adult" and "accepting responsibility", and consider the second far more important than the first (for me).

So I can see someone as "mature" in that they have a steady job, take care of kids, family etc, do all the things that are necessary in life - even if they don't always "act" adult - maybe play games, etc.

Its all about what matters to you.

People can change: I've seen people get much more mature after they have children - but that isn't always a good thing. Sometimes they become so "mature" that their lives 100% warp around their kids,
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post #10 of 76 (permalink) Old 01-22-2020, 10:38 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Immaturity

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I would say, don't call it mature /immature behavior. Just call it acceptable / unacceptable.

So I read this like expectations. I expect you to function like an adult with correct priorities and if you donít, thatís behavior I wonít accept.

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post #11 of 76 (permalink) Old 01-22-2020, 10:46 AM
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Re: Immaturity

I think the things that are issues for you when you date, will likely still remain an issue when you marry and will probably actually get worse. It comes down to compatibility and lifestyle choices. Most people do change over the course of a marriage-some ways are good and some ways are bad. That's, to me, just a normal part of being a human being. Our lives changes, so our behaviors change as a reaction to that. And some vice versa.

If you're thinking that someone is immature, you have that right to think that. I would steer clear of them when it comes to committing to a long term serious relationship because you'll lose respect over time for that person if they choose to continue those behaviors.

"Head up. Chin up. You've got this."
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post #12 of 76 (permalink) Old 01-22-2020, 11:04 AM
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Re: Immaturity

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So I read this like expectations. I expect you to function like an adult with correct priorities and if you donít, thatís behavior I wonít accept.
How else would you define compatibility? Also, he's free to expect the same of you. I've been dumped before, so men make their own decisions about what they want.
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post #13 of 76 (permalink) Old 01-22-2020, 12:16 PM
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Re: Immaturity

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a guy becomes mature when he meets the right woman - who can fix him properly
or he will have a breakdown and run far away
???, So are you saying that you want a little boy to raise the way YOU think he should be. Well that isn't a man and your ask'n for trouble unless he's PW.

If your not the object of your lovers heart, then your just an object.
If you think the grass is greener on the otherside it's not, what you see are the weeds.
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post #14 of 76 (permalink) Old 01-22-2020, 12:31 PM
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Re: Immaturity

You should decide what is acceptable,unacceptable and what you could
deal with. Discuss this with him and give him the chance to mature/change.
It may be a case of what you see is what you get.

Never place anyone on a pedestal it hurts more when they fall off
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post #15 of 76 (permalink) Old 01-22-2020, 12:43 PM
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Re: Immaturity

In some ways I have been "mature" for my age forever. For instance, I've been full time working or studying (or both) since I was 15. I decided what I wanted to be when I grew up in mid elementary school. I've never relied on anyone to get housework done. We might quibble about where something belongs or the definition of "clean" but I'm never going to expect someone else to do it (until I'm physically incapable).

In some ways I'll probably never be "mature". I watched "Avatar: The Last Airbender" (cartoon) several times with my kids, I sometimes laugh at body functions or crude jokes, and sometimes unwind with video games.

A ton of people only mature after the first crisis (divorce, jail, getting kicked of the house or college, etc) where they get the wakeup call. Some never grow up.

The later it happens the more painful the stimulus has to be and the harder the process.

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