so...this was actually an interesting thread for me, as only very recently, my wife told me that my verbal approach has been part of the issues I have faced getting the amount of sex I would like. For many years (not sure where or who started it), we would both say "wanna spend some time together", and that was the phrase known to mean sex. I think it might have been when our kids were younger and around, so it could be send openly in front of them. I have since (for many years), used that same phrase when asking if she is interested. Recently, she told me, it was too passive and unless she happened to already be thinking about it, really did not cause her to feel any level of excitement about the idea, so she often just said "no" or "maybe". I admit, its not like "wanna spend some time together" is sexy, or that the phrase itself is going to moisten her panties. I then asked her, for what would be better....and was a little surprised by the response. She said she would much prefer, either "lets f**k", or for me to offer something very specific, like "lets go upstairs and take turns giving each other oral sex", or "lets go have a quickie in the bathroom". She said the blunt "lets f**k" is sometimes just more strait forward, and either she is down for it or she is not, and that the other times, she is more inclined to say yes, if she knows what specifically I am hoping for, rather than having to yes to an unknown. I think the times being very specific have improved my odds of getting a yes more often. For example, if I know she has already showered for the day and needs to head out in a while, if I offer something other than intercourse, she is more inclined to say yes, knowing she does not have time for another shower. I have also noticed, if she is not necessarily thinking about sex at all before hand, offering something like mutual masturbation can appeal to her, where a more generic invitation may not have. Spending 5 minutes, no mess, and an orgasm may sound good, where more may not. As the high desire partner, I am learning the way I ask, can have a lot of influence on the response.
I know this is not exactly what you were looking for in this thread, but reading it, reminded me of how our previous couples sex phrase, actually was not allowing good communication in our marriage.
