strangely, I am calm in saying this and while there are still some small residues of anxiety (hence my name, I will be always be "almost recovered") I have finally come to a peaceful place.
In the next few days I will tell my story for a few reasons-
1) to get the damn thing off my chest, I've spilled my story on other boards but never in it's entirety. I am hoping for some catharsis through my past self.
2) to look back with hindsight vision and see what I did wrong and what I did right in order to help others not make the same mistakes or learn from what worked
3) to offer hope, I realize that what my wife and I have managed to accomplish in the wake of destruction is something that isn't easy to do but can offer a glimpse that if two people are willing that it can be done
4) to share and commiserate with others who have also exposed themselves and their story, it's only fair
I will post my story in bits and pieces as to be detailed and hopefully you won't find this to be too boring or self-indulgent.
AR helped me so much 3 years ago when disaster struck in my life. I am just thrilled to pieces to hear he is doing well, and that he's no longer on here as much. It just isn't healthy. As much as he's surely helped many many people, he needs to take care of himself first and foremost and it seems he is doing just that. Bravo and best wishes, Almostrecovered!
So happy to hear that you and your lovey lady are doing well. It's nice to hear good news from someone here. So many sad and depressing stories. Sometimes I wonder why I read them. Maybe to reassure myself of how good I really have it.
And I REALLY wish your wife the best in dealing with her struggles. She's so lucky to have you there to stand by her and help her. I was always impressed at what a good man you were to keep your marriage going in spite of everything.
No but I couldn't find that it was more either and the story never changed under repeated questioning for a long time
I do know that pregnancy was a major concern of hers so unless he brought condoms (which supposedly he couldn't perform using them) then she wouldn't have done it
But hey she offered anal so honestly that intent was there regardless so it was never an important issue to me as the type of sex as I view BJ=PIV=Anal as far as level of offense. It was always a matter if she was lying or covering up that was the issue that was important to me.
No regrets in my choice and she worked her ass off to atone and we are very happy now
Oh. I guess I wasn't aware that she had offered him anal. Don't understand why he didn't take her up on that. Anal is the holy grail of sex to a lot of guys. Makes ya wonder what kind of guy this was?! I'm glad he didn't except the offer.
He did want to but couldn't get it up
Or so she says
She even admitted she felt unwanted/undesirable about that at the time
So ultimately...she wanted it, was upset that it didn't happen so why on earth would it matter had he did do it? The infractions are all the same to me
I've made my peace with the fact that I would never know with 100% certainty years ago
I truly get if others can't but my gut wasn't screaming otherwise and in order to be happy I had to let it go at some point
I've made my peace with the fact that I would never know with 100% certainty years ago
I truly get if others can't but my gut wasn't screaming otherwise and in order to be happy I had to let it go at some point
Geeze, what a putz! Be interesting to see how his life is going now. Wonder if his dumba$$ wife ever tossed him. Probably not. She'd lose her meal ticket. Be nice to find out he lost everything in a divorce. I'll bet you and your lady are doing better than him.
I stopped reading on page 4.....our talk was not on the back porch but in my office in the basement and very familiar.
Very similar conversation between me and the old lady...in fact very similar to how you and I went through this days before that "talk"...that phucking lying just killed me before the real talk...if you know what I mean lol.
The only difference between you and me....my old lady told me she was with 20 other men when I asked if there were more OM...and when I asked her how long she's been screwing around.... "for the last 13 years" (I ment with the guy she was currently banging)!!!! At least I found out my old lady is a one at a time kind of girl, no GB's and not into carpet munching.
On a side note I didn't have to get rid of any furniture.. since I worked at home so screwing around at the house was never an option. so I have that going for me
Any way it will be 5yrs this Feb.....and you just brought it back home.
I thank...I thank you cuz my new marriage with the same old lady needs some tweeking and some adjustments..nothing major..just need to be addressed thats all....Its not like I started slapping her around again or she started phucking other guys again....actually we are empty nesters and instead of walking around the house naked we need to go out more...more date night out instead of around the pool evening after evening
Again you really brought it home for me on page 4 of this thread.
well i finally got around to reading your story and truly amazing and so happy for both of you .. it truly is inspiring for the two of you to be where you are today!
Thank you for this post... I found out about my H affair 3 weeks after it started & I had no clue about this forum, but like you most of the steps I took were the right ones...
Now working in R I'm happy I found this post bc it truly gives me hope that I can be happy again.
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