Talk About Marriage banner
Cancel
Create thread New Forums
Status
Not open for further replies.

Wife cheated the second time!!!

1 reading
Jump to Latest
37K views 60 replies 26 participants last post by  forlorn99  
M
#1 · (Edited)
My wife and I are both 36, we have been together since High school, we have 2 kids 11 and 16.
The first time she cheated on me was 2 years into our marriage.
I was having these strange feelings come over me for a bit and I just blurted out to her what the hell is going on with this guy and she finally told me that they went to lunch together once
and they kissed. My wife and I and the guy all worked together and she finally told me that she said he was going to become friends with me to get to her (she knew the whole damn time!!) and didnt care to tell me.well she said sorry I beleive in second chances so I forgave her but I was just starting to kinda come back out of my shell until july 4th of last year I found out that she had over a 1000 texts to this guy from her job before she went to work at 5:00am then they started as soon as she got off work non stop till 11:00 at night. I knew somthing was up so I confronted her about it, When I asked her I could see it in her eyes that she knew she was caught. She says she dont remember any of the texts (just a couple here and there) she said they met in a bank parking lot before work in the morning and always got out of the car, I asked her why she did this and she said that they flirted for awhile and he kept bugging her about kissing him for his birthday and she finally gave in and met him.
I know they met atleast 3 timeswithin 2 weeks.
She ran a mile down the street to meet him from our house while I stayed at a friends house and they went to a nearby school before he went to work.
I asked her whenever they met what did they say to eachother and she says not a word.
To give you an idea The texts started June 20th and stopped July 4th.
It makes me sick to be around her, She wonders why I dont talk much, I just can't understand how someone can do this to someone they love or care about. I gave her no reason to doubt me or not trust me.
I dont know what to do, I want the whole truth, I dont think I know everything, and Im afraid that I am going to stay just for the kids, I will never trust her again, and I dont wanna be around someone I can't trust.
Please someone tell me something advise, anything.
 
#4 ·
She does not love you. She loves herself. You have become too beta and are boring. She deserves better (in her mind).

Prove her wrong. Kick her out and make her prove to you that she deserves you. Protect your finances so she can't drain the bank or run up the cards. Tell her if she wants to stay married to you, she will write this last OM a No Contact letter that YOU approve and send yourself (it's for the humility that she needs), she will set up a biweekly therapy session for herself, she will take all passwords off her phone and computer, she will allow you to view them whenever you want. If she doesn't want to do these things, she's welcome to move out. The kids stay with you. If she balks, go straight to a lawyer and start drawing up papers; find out if you can file for adultery in your state; go for full custody (barganing chip).

And get the book No More Mr Nice Guy and read it today.
 
S
#5 ·
Exposé the affair. I bet he has a GF or wife. Find her and tell her that he is having sex with you wife. Don't say they just kissed. They clearly went way past that.

Do not warn her that you are doIng this.

Also expose the affair to close friends and family.

Next ask your wife to surrender her phone and all passwords

No contact letter to OM

And then for yourself : give yourself a couple of weeks before you make the fInal D decision but in the meantime visit a lawyer get prices and have the initial papers drawn up for use if you chose D. Let your wife know you are doing this.
Posted via Mobile Device
 
M
#6 ·
Thats just it I dont need her passwords or anything like that she doesnt know it but I have all access to all that, I forgot to mention that she told me she met him outside of his apartment in the parking lot, he said he would take her up and have his way with her but his dad was up there and she just laughed about it to him. Im not sure what to believe. I think she will not tell me everything in fear of losing me.
 
#8 ·
The texts suddenly stop July 4th eh? And you have access to her phone? This most likely means she has gotten a secret affair phone. Get a VAR, here are some examples:

Best Buy - Computers, Video Games, TVs, Cameras, Appliances, Phones

Sony ICDBX112 Digital Voice Recorder, 2GB Digital Voice Recorder, Flash Voice Recorder, Sony Digital Voice Recorder

Use heavy duty velcro and install it under the seat of her vehicle. Why? Because you know by now A LOT of activity happens in her car, doesn't it?

Image
 
#10 ·
I believe they hooked up. But even if they didn't, she was going to meet him. She was willing and able. If they didn't have sex, it wasn't because she was a good girl.

You need to come down on her hard. Tell her to leave. She needs to know that this won't be tolerated, or it will continue to happen.
 
#11 ·
I think she will not tell me everything in fear of losing me.
Click to expand...
That is the key, give her a dose of the ol fear of losing you. And i'd follow turnera's advice if I were you.

And remember, never stay in a relationship for the kids. Your kids will adapt, you will adapt and everything will work out fine. Besides you're setting a good example by not letting anyone violate your principles
 
S
#12 ·
You might think about DNA testing your kids. Don't do it as a knee jerk. Think through it really hard before.

First rule of cheaters: the lie. Assume everything she tells you is a lie until yourself verify it.

For instance I wonder if his wife was in the appartment
Posted via Mobile Device
 
M
#14 ·
the reason the texts stopped is because I found out 4:00 am that morning, and when they met at his place I find it very hard to believe that nothing happened, out of the whole time anyway because to me you dont go through all of that trouble and do nothing. am I wrong? she says she wasn't looking for sex. I just would like to have a conversation with someone that I know is not going to feed me a line of crap. She stole something from me and Ill never get it back.
 
S
#18 ·
So they switched to either a new messaging app or aburner phone.

So it's still been going on all that time and before.

You need to expose it to the light of day. Your wife will be angry but it is the best way to hurt the affair.
Posted via Mobile Device
 
J
#23 ·
Mac: I read your thread and I am confused. Your wife cheated on you within the 1st two years of your marriage -- then you caught her again -- this time a year ago (July 4th). Has she been cheating with this guy for this entire year -- or is it you and her never discussed the affairs and now you are asking for advice from last year ?
 
#24 ·
I agree that with a repeat offender, you need to go the nuclear route. Nuke the marriage. Tap your emotions and just go off the deep end. Work hard so you no longer care if it works out or not. Don’t even try to ‘discuss’ this until after she’s hit rock bottom. You need to harden yourself and stop caring one bit about her... all the way from what she is doing to how she sees you. Go ahead and show her the monster. For all intents and purposes, you need to consider her a ghost who just haunts this house.... and go ahead and scream at that spectre...

Get all your stuff in order. Do it in the open. Consult lawyers, new bank accounts, make copies of all the financial records, put stops on the joint accounts, start talking in terms of her stuff / your stuff, research parenting plans, etc. The efforts she should witness is as far as she knows, all about getting rid of her. You want her panicking and overwhelmed by how fast you are moving on this. Chaos is your friend when dealing with a foggy spouse.

And hell yes that is hard. You love her. You really probably do want it work out. There will be days you just want to curl up and die. You can’t. Find that strength to shock her out of it. She needs to absolutely feel how seriously screwed up she’s made you and feel her world burning around her. How could she not see that coming?
 
M
#25 ·
It happend last year and I am still trying to cope with it trying to decide what to do, I believe she is trying to brush as much as she can under the rug. I just dont wanna go on any more without the truth.
 
#33 ·
macmanus76 said:
I believe she is trying to brush as much as she can under the rug. I just dont wanna go on any more without the truth.
Click to expand...
Sorry brother, getting the truth is not likely to happen.

It's best to assume the very worst possible scenario then decide if that is something you can live with.

She's not going to tell you the truth, even if she tells you some version of it... it will be rewritten, dumbed down and will include a large dose of why most of it is your fault.

This story doesn't end well my friend.
 
#26 ·
Mac,
This is my understanding.

You found out in the second year of your marriage that she cheated on you. Your first kid is 16 and you both are 36!

You forgave her (quick rug sweep there) and recently in June/ july last year you found out that she is cheating (emotionally?!) with her co worker. You confronted her without evidence and she gas lighted you!

That co worker has a pregy GF.

This is very normal of cheaters, any way!

Lord Mayhem has advised you to get VAR, and other methods by which you will be able to get evidence. Act normal for now, and collect as much evidence as possible.

Take care of your health.
 
B
#27 ·
You would have to be in major denial not to believe that they have hooked up. How much humiliation and disrespect are you willing to endure? If the roles were reversed she would not put up with this so why are you? If you do not respect yourself then who will? No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change.

1. Get tested for STD's.
2. Expose to the OM's girlfriend
3. Expose to everyone.
4. See a lawyer to understand your options.

If you do not expose to the OM's girlfriend then you you are sending a message to him it is acceptable to screw your wife. The bottom line is that your wife does not love you. Time to move on. Good luck.
 
M
#31 ·
well first of all it was like pulling teeth to make her quit her job, after I told her it either me or the job she finally quit.
and no she hasn't contacted him. she is clueless on how I find out things so if anything she is scared to contact him if she wanted to.
we both changed jobs and was working at the same place and I couldn't stand the job so I quit.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
You have insufficient privileges to reply here.
Talk About Marriage
posts
5.1M
members
109K
Since
2007
A forum community dedicated to married life between you and your spouse. Come join the discussion about love, romance, health, behavior, conflict resolution, care, and more!
Full Forum Listing
Explore Our Forums
Coping with Infidelity General Relationship Discussions Sex in Marriage Going Through Divorce or Separation The Men's Clubhouse