I would like to challenge this:
There is no gray area here. People who have experienced the fog tend to repaint situations and circumstances to come to grips with their own Cognitive dissonance
. Cognitive dissonance is the psychological phenomenon
describing the sensation of discomfort felt when there is a discrepancy between what someone already knows or believes (i.e. Right & Wrong), and new information or interpretation (i.e. Conflicting desires). When such tensions arise, steps are taken to decrease that tension by changing one's thinking. Cognitive dissonance is the Fog “jumping off” spot
for all of the defense mechanisms which become present as a result of the “rebuilding of reality”
in the fog.
Are you sure they're all bad decisions?
Yes. I am certain. They are all bad decisions.
The baseline which I am using to determine “bad” vs. “good” is not relative or subjective. You are married.
With the promise you made when you confirmed your vows comes a moral and ethical obligation of faithfulness.
It doesn’t “depend” on your definition of “bad”. There is no moral ambiguity
regarding a person's decision to commit adultery
. If a person chooses to continue in denial, rationalizations, and justifications or ignore and paint these facts to suit their ability to digest what is happening or has happened, they can choose to do that and they will get very good at it. Just realize, you and your subconscious mind are doing it.
This is concrete. These decisions are wrong, they are “bad, evil, immoral, sinful”. Whatever.
In a LS points of views, they're bad and evil.
In a DS points of views. They're good decisions, moreover, fun decisions.
No, As I mentioned above. Despite an internal need to paint this gray, it can’t be. They are undeniably “bad” decisions.
Again, a bad decision is one in which you override your senses and choose an option that, at some level, you know you should not.
When a person ignores the signals in their own system and makes bad decisions (by the definition here) they will generate the consequences of bad decisions. There will be misery and disappointment. Guaranteed. It's only a question of when, to whom and how much.
The effects of bad decisions
consists of some or all of the following: *
The individual compromises
they don't get what they actually want or they do get what they want but at the expense of others
, which damages
multiple relationships amongst the people involved in the dynamic. * Anxiety, distress, guilt, depression
etc., etc. Which can lead to physical symptoms, aches and pains etc
Furthermore, they're decisions of awakening.
Awakening to what? To "awaken" is "to be made more aware of." To use the term awakening when justifying an affair can only be referring to “awakening” to a disloyal spouses own selfish needs and wants and how they have convinced themselves that they are paramount. They do indeed awaken.
Not awaken somehow enlightened, awaken addicted
. As an addict (even by definition a "soft addiction"
, or an Behavioral addiction
) (also called process addiction or non-substance-related addiction) which is a recurring compulsion condition
whereby a person engages in a specific activity despite harmful consequences to the person's health, mental state, or social life.
In this state a disloyal spouses decision making has become compromised.
a Disloyal Spouse's new found foggy “awakening” should include some of the following enlightened behaviors.
Addicts often deny that there is an addiction. Denial is a way to ignore or dismiss the idea of affair addiction and avoid seeing a problem. Sometimes, addicts will acknowledge being addicted, but nevertheless dismiss the significance of the addiction.
Addictions/Affairs make people selfish and blind them. Nothing is more important than the addiction itself. Everything is geared towards getting the dependence met, and the deeper into affair addiction the greater the selfishness.
* Covert Behavior.
Addictive behaviors eventually become a source of concern for others. Consequently, in order to meet the needs of the addiction, addicts often hide their affairs and the behaviors from others.
* Irresponsible and Undependable.
In the throes of an affair addiction, addicts must pay far more attention to the needs of their addiction than the needs of anyone or anything else. Accordingly, addicts often become unable to meet social expectations and responsibilities, whether in school, work, relationships, or social roles.
I only had time to answer part of your challenge... I will try to finish when I can.